FADING DARKNESS

CHAPTER 28: HEALING TOUCHES

"The wound is the place where the Light enters you."
Rumi
A Sunday afternoon, Chand sat near the bed on which Haseena lay, a rueful smile on his lips.
"You son doesn't want me here." he said. "No, don't blame him." he added, as Haseena opened her mouth. "He has every right- I've failed him as a person- as a father."
"He is not just my son, Chand." Haseena smiled, gently. "He's ours. He doesn't hate you."
"He has reason to. And I'm saying the truth." Chand said. "For all these years, I've not shown him even an iota of love you've showered him with in these few days. But"you don't think about that now," he added, his voice growing stronger. "You need to relax. The heart operation will be performed this Wednesday, right?"
Haseena nodded, looking away. For a long moment she was silent. Then she spoke. "I'm afraid, Chand. What if"the operation doesn't go well and--?"
"You must be positive. You have to be well." Chand cut her off. He hesitated, and then gently caught hold of her hand. "If not for me, then for Abhay's sake."
"I wanted to celebrate his birthday. It's just a few days away now." Haseena's voice trembled with unshed tears. "We would light a lantern, make a wish, and let it carry away the wish to the stars. And now""
His grip on her hand tightened, his fingers caressing the ring on her finger.
"After the operation, we'll do that. You, me and A-Abhay. We'll light the lantern on his birthday, and we'll make a wish. Together." His voice trembled. "You have to be all right for that, Haseena. You will be fine."
Haseena looked at him now, her husband, the man she loved, and would love still inspite of everything. If only"things were"easier"different"if only...
She couldn't help the tears from coming out. "I don't want our son to suffer for our mistakes, Chand."
Chand closed his eyes, willing the sudden lump in his throat to disappear. All the mistakes of the past rose inside him like as storm, threatening to drown him. He wished more than ever, that he could take Haseena home right now, without any shadows to torment them.
With a great effort, he opened his eyes. "He won't suffer for us, Haseena. Not anymore. In this at least, we will be together."
*********
Piya closed the door and exited quietly, not wanting them to know she was there. She would meet Haseena aunty later. It felt that she was intruding, and she could not bring herself to interrupt them. She couldn't help overhearing a part of the conversation, and a strange feeling was rising in her- a feeling of immense joy and terrible sadness- as she recalled their words- words full of dreams and regrets.
So lost was she, she didn't realize her phone vibrating in her hand at first. As it registered in her mind, she hurriedly checked the caller ID. Bhai. A small smile gracing her lips, her mind still full of what she had heard, Piya answered.
"Hi Bhai. How are you?"
"Almost fit. They're thinking of discharging me tomorrow." He answered.
This time, a genuine smile made her eyes sparkle. "Really? I am so happy, Bhai!"
"Will you come?" He asked making her smile droop. She remembered Madhu meeting her, of telling her to consider forgiving.
Taking a deep breath she spoke. "I"I can't, Bhai. I'll see you soon though, I promise.Besides, I met you just a few days ago and""
"I wish you would come."
His quiet statement made her pause. She bit her lips. She wanted to be there for her brother too. But she knew Arnab and Madhu would be there too, and she was too drained to face them now, not when everything between them was so raw still.
"I-I wish I could be there, Bhai. But P-papa and""
"I know." The fatigue in her brother's voice cut her off. Something was so wrong with him. She couldn't put her finger on what. "I understand, Piya. You need time. I just"it will be a new beginning for me tomorrow-sort of- at least." He sighed. "I want to tell you something before that. Could you meet me today? Please."
There was something in his tone that made Piya want to rush to him at once. He had never sounded like this before-so defeated, begging her almost, for her time.
"I'll meet you today, Bhai. I promise." she said, unconsciously clutching the phone closer to her ear.
"Good." She heard the relief in his voice. "Haseena aunty is better now, right?"
"Yes she is." Piya answered.
"I'm glad. I'll see you soon then. Come soon." He said, before disconnecting.
For some reason she didn't know, Piya's heart beat fearfully. What did her brother need to say that couldn't wait?
******
Piya sighed, impatiently shifting from one foot to the other. She had been waiting for an hour almost, and not a single bus was in sight. Now that she noticed, the roads seemed deserted too. Where had the population of Shimla gone?
Just then, a car came to a stop in front of her, interrupting her thoughts. The person inside lowered the window-glass and Piya's eyes widened as she realized who was driving the car. Abhay.
"What are you doing here?" she said, unable to keep the disbelief out of her voice.
"What are you doing, alone at this deserted bus stop, at this time of the afternoon?" He answered with a question of his own.
Piya scowled. "What does it look like? Waiting for a bus that'll take me to Dehradoon, of course!"
His eyes widened. "Don't you ever read the news, Piya?"
"What?" Piya looked genuinely confused now. "What's the news got to do with my waiting for a bus?"
"Everything." he replied calmly, raising an eyebrow. "There's a transport strike today. They mentioned it in the newspapers yesterday."
Piya slapped a hand to her forehead. "Oh no. it completely slipped my mind. I was in such a hurry"what do I do now"I promised to meet Bhai"oh no, and Misha has taken her car, she's out for an emergency"what""
"Piya." Abhay's steady voice cut across her rambling. "I'll drop you."
Piya's mouth fell open in shock. "You-what?"
"I'll drop you." Abhay repeated patiently. "You want to meet your brother, right? I was going to Dehradoon as well"I must attend a meeting at the office there. I'll be returning tonight itself. You can come back with me."
Piya gaped at him. "But I""
Abhay frowned at her. "Look, you can refuse if you want, but I can guarantee you that not a single bus will appear until tomorrow. And the roads are deserted anyway, you shouldn't be standing here alone." His voice had considerably softened now as he looked at her, unlocking the car door. "Get in. Please."
Piya sighed. Could she ever refuse him? Never, she realized, and especially now when he spoke with such earnestness. She was doomed to love him unconditionally, whatever came their way.
*********
The car ride was mostly silent, and Piya couldn't help but recall Haseena's dreams of celebrating Abhay's birthday. She chanced a sideways glance at him. He was concentrating on the road ahead, his face stern, his eyes hidden in aviators. She wondered what he felt about birthdays. Had he celebrated his ever? She remembered reading in the diary that they had celebrated his birthday, the third one...but after that...
She remembered her last birthday. It has been the first time that she had met him. It seemed so long ago...his eyes back then, looking at her, piercing her...with cold hate... She shivered.
He looked at her out of the corner of his eyes.
"Are you cold?"
She shook her head, not managing to speak. She turned away from him to look out of the windows, at the world zooming past them in the car. She felt his hand reach forward, increasing the AC temperature slightly.
She turned to look at him, a lump rising in her throat.
"I'm not cold Abhay. Honestly."
He gave her a look she could not decipher. "You can open the windows if you want. I'll switch the AC off."
"It's ok." was all she said. All she could say, in fact. They had come such a long way since they first met and yet...and yet...things seemed so messy at times.
She leaned back on her seat, letting her eyes close, letting the silence and the hum of the engines lull her brain into solitude.
********
Piya entered the hospital, after Abhay had made her promise that she would call him as soon as she had finished meeting her Bhai. He had given her a no-nonsense look, telling her in a strict voice that under no circumstance, was she to leave alone, without him.
As she entered the room where Arjun was, she saw him staring out of the window, a faraway look on his face. He did look visibly better, a bandage on his arm and a few cuts on his cheek the only outward signs of the accident .
"Bhai!" He started at her voice, looked around and gave her a warm smile as she reached to hug him.
"What's the matter, Bhai? What do you have to tell me?" Piya asked, breaking away from the hug and taking a seat, watching him closely all the while .
Arjun's smile drooped as he heard her question. With a deep sigh, he began. "Remember I had once asked you on the phone, Piya, whether you would love me even if I killed someone?"
Piya felt a heaviness in her chest. "Yes, I do. But what--?"
"I did kill someone Piya. A decade ago. Someone I loved."
Piya's jaw drop, her heart starting to beat faster. "W-what do you mean? What are you s-saying Bhai?"
"It's the truth." With a deep breath, he started to tell her everything. About the kidnap, about meeting Alisha, about that fatal night on the bridge. ""And I don't even know whether I stabbed her, or it was an accident. Try as I might, I can't remember. And the worst thing is, I've got away with it." he ended, all the while looking straight into his sister's eyes, the torment in his own clear.
For a few minutes, Piya couldn't speak. She opened her mouth and closed it, the words dying down in her throat.
Then"
"Why didn't you tell me all this before, Bhai?"
"I tried to. I was a coward." He gave her a self-disgusted smile. "I still am Piya. Your brother is not that perfect human you think."
Piya reached out and caught hold of his hand, her own lips trembling. "Whatever happened was terrible, Bhai. Terrible. But-but it's hard to blame anyone for it. I don't hate you Bhai. You are still the same brother to me."
Arjun shrugged. "I try to move on, but it-it holds me back. I don't know how to make amends, I try to"and after-after everything, I love her-I love her..."
He closed his eyes, hiding his face in his hands.
Piya's own eyes watered. "Oh Bhai..."
"With all the love you give me, the place you give me in your life as your brother Piya, I wonder if I deserve it...I wonder...I took Abhay's sister away...and"and I ...you should hand me over to the police Piya, you should...punish me.. Abhay should..."
"Bhai, no!" Piya reached forward and hugged him, trying to comfort him, soothe his shaking body and burning soul. "You are not evil, Bhai. You are a good person, a very good person, and I'm not saying that just to comfort you. I know you are."
"Really,sis?" The whisper broke Piya's heart. She clutched her brother tighter.
"Really. We all have darkness inside us Bhai. We are in no position to judge others. Think"think of the goodness. It'll be all right, Bhai. It has to be."
She held him for a long time, silently strengthening her brother, her big brother, her protector, who needed her protection and care now. After a long time, she pulled away, still holding on to his hand, worriedly searching his face.
Arjun managed a weak smile. "T-thanks for listening Piya. Thank you." He glanced at the wall clock and sighed. "It's late. You have to go, don't you?"
"I could stay..."Piya began doubtfully. She didn't want to go back to her house in Dehradoon right now, but her brother's need was greater than hers.
"No, no, it's OK. Besides, you have school to teach tomorrow." He gave her a watery smile. "I feel better Piya. I'll be all right. Go on."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am." He smiled. "I wanted to let it all out, and I have now. You're right, Piya. I'm going to look forward from tomorrow, learn-learn to focus on the g-goodness."
Piya smiled at him. "I love you, bhai. I know you will."
******
Abhay was just putting away his files in his cabin when Piya knocked and entered. He looked up at her, surprised. Memories of the last time she had been here, when she had accused him of publishing the pictures from the party flashed before her. So much had changed since then.
He got to his feet.
"Piya? You didn't have to come here"you could have just given me a call""
He didn't get a chance to finish because Piya came up t him and hugged him tightly, sobbing into his chest. Alarmed, Abhay wrapped his arms around her.
"Piya? Piya! What's wrong? Is your brother"Piya what--?"
"Bhai told me about all that h-happened. About him and y-your sister." Piya's words were faint, muffled against his shirt. His grip on her tightened on hearing her words, as his eyes closed in pain.
"I see." was all he could muster, in a trembling voice. He didn't know what to say. What did one say in these situations?
Piya looked up at him just as he opened his eyes, and he looked away from her, blinking back the sudden wetness in his eyes.
"Love is such a beautiful feeling, Abhay. Why does it have to be associated with so much agony, especially among those we care about?" The raw pain in her voice snapped his head towards her again and he simply shook his head, still not knowing what to say.
"I don't know." he whispered.
"You knew all this? You knew about Bhai and--?" Piya started to ask, stopping when he gave a nod.
"That was the reason I hated you in the beginning. Or tried to hate you, at least." He gave a bitter smile, pulling her closer to him, thankful that she did not resist.
"What?" said Piya, her eyes wide. "What do you mean?"
"I"I wanted revenge. Revenge against the boy who had taken Di's life." He took a deep breath to keep the tremble out of his voice. "Dad nurtured the feeling in me as well. We waited all these years, until our business took us to a position of power , at par with the Dobriyals." There was self-disgust in his voice. "We wanted to avenge Di's death in the exact manner. Just as he had killed someone's sister, we'd destroy his sister too. And that's how you came in the picture." He looked away from her, unable to bear the shock in her face. "I wanted to harm you"to hurt you"well, I succeeded in hurting you so well." A bitter smile laced his words. "But I couldn't. I just couldn't stick to the plan. Not after meeting you. I couldn't bear to destroy you, you rendered me helpless." He touched her face gently, his fingers trembling at the contact. "I figured I'd just deal with your brother." "And then"I read Mom's diary"and everything became clear"and now, I don't know what to do"" He let go of her, turning away.
"I know I blamed Dad for shaping me into the way I am, but he's not the only one at fault. I was-am a monster-Di wouldn't have recognized me"she wouldn't have recognized this cold, calculating""
"You loved your sister a lot." Her voice was soft, calm and he wanted to tell her to shout at him, hit him"anything, anything to relieve him from the pain hitting him like waves.
"That doesn't excuse what I did. What I wanted to do."
She sighed and then walked to stand in front of him again, waiting until he was forced to look at her. "We all make mistakes, Abhay."
"It wasn't a mistake! It was conscious. Deliberate."
"Yes, it was. But that doesn't matter anymore, does it?" Piya said, and he was stunned to see the faint smile on her lips. "You've realized it now, haven't you? That's enough for me. I wasn't lying when I said I loved you, Abhay. I have seen your flaws, I have known your past, I have handled your temper, and most importantly," here, her smile widened as she took a step closer to him. "I have seen the goodness and beauty your heart holds. You have done a lot of things for me, Abhay. No monster does them."
Abhay looked at her in disbelief. "Even then, when I was helping you, I was selfish. I did it because I couldn't bear to see you in pain. It hurt me. Nothing noble about that Piya." He let out a humourless laugh. "And for each help, I hurt you a thousand times over. And yet, when I know that I'm not right for you, I can't stay away. I""
Piya shook her head, placing a hand on his cheeks. "No one is perfect Abhay. Not even me. But please," her voice had softened now, "please, don't think of leaving me. Ever. Be with me, and I promise you, my love will be enough to hold both of us. Together, we'll heal the wounds of those we love, of ourselves, of Bhai and your parents and m-maybe P-papa and Madhu""
He couldn't help himself anymore. He crushed her to him, inhaling her scent, the scent that was so unique, so Piya. He wished he could confess his feelings so easily, but he did not know what to say. How to say that he loved her? Was that word enough to hold all that he felt, all that he wanted for her? Did he deserve to say he loved her inspite of the hurt he had given her? He buried her face in her hair, involuntarily dropping a kiss there. He felt her drop a kiss on his chest in return. It soothed him, calmed him like no other. So he said the only thing he was capable of saying at that moment.
"I promise I'll never leave you Piya. Whatever happens, we'll be there in it. Together."
He felt her smile and then pull away, her eyes shining with a different light.
"Things will be better now Abhay. You'll see."
He said nothing, but merely reached out to wipe the tear stains from her cheeks.
"Abhay?"
Her voice made her look into her eyes and his breath caught. The way she was looking at him...it made his heart tremble and leap at the same time.
"You don't need to forget the past Abhay. Just learn to let go. And"and you are not alone, remember that."
Before he could reply, she pressed her lips to his, softly, lovingly. It was the first time she had initiated the kiss, and he let her lead him into it, as her touch and love made him feel anchored, for the first time in a long time, made him feel the stirrings of genuine happiness. She was the tender, healing balm to his wounded, aching soul. As they pulled away and they smiled at each other, they both knew that something had shifted between them.
"Let's go, Abhay."
He nodded, letting go of her only to catch hold of her hand in his.
"Yes, let's."