FADING DARKNESS

CHAPTER 23: I'LL HOLD YOUR HAND...LIKE YOU DID

"She'll be Ok? Doctor?" Never had he felt so powerless, so helpless.
The doctor sighed. "All we can do now is wait." He turned to go, and then stopped. "By the way, hopefully when she is out of coma, we need to operate. That hole in her heart may be fatal."
Abhay stared at the doctor,not understanding. "What?"he asked
The doctor looked at him with a frown. "The hole she has in her heart. Has had it for a long time by the looks of it. Wonder if she was seeing a doctor. It should have been operated long ago, Mr.Raichand."
Abhay nodded numbly as he saw the doctor walk away. He backed away from the door of the room in which Haseena was and collapsed on one of the chairs that lined the corridor. He suddenly felt betrayed. He should have known about his mother's injuries, her illnesses, her joys and sorrows. She was his mother. But, no. He was learning about her life from other people It was unfair. It was not right.
He covered his face with his hands, feeling suddenly tired. He could still remember the terror that had engulfed him when he had heard his mother scream as she fell, could still see her lying there unconscious. Some of the younger kids had started crying and he hadn't been able to console them. How could he, when he himself had needed consoling. The ambulance seemed to have taken ages to arrive, and he'd come with her, leaving a frightened group of kids behind. The oldest one, a boy of around sixteen, had taken charge of the kids. With a jolt, he remembered, they had nobody else to look after them either.
The words from the doctor from earlier echoed dully in his head. "I'm sorry. She's in a coma. There's been some internal hemorrhage where she hit herself on the head." The words had filled him with fear like never before. And anger. Irrational anger, almost childish in its reason. How dare his mother slip away from him minutes after they'd finally met. Time had barely passed since he'd come to know that his mother was alive. It was hardly fair. If it had been any other man, he would have cried at the ironic situation. But Abhay Raichand had been alone far too long. He had controlled his emotions for so long that he couldn't bring a tear to his eyes even though he tried, he could not let the dam inside him burst and spill all the sorrow he was holding inside.
He wished suddenly, that there was somebody to console him, be by his side. Though he would never admit it to himself, he needed it badly.
He did not know how long he stayed like that, face hidden from the world by the palms of his hands. But voices made him look up. Voices that were familiar.
He looked up. Coming out from his mother's room were two young women and a strange warmth flared in his heart at the sight of one of them. Suddenly, an emotion he had not dared to feel started to seep into his being. Hope.
But what was Piya doing here. With that friend of hers? What was she called-Misha? And did they come to see is mother? His brow furrowed. Why would they? How could they know her?
"I-er-I'll go to the orphanage and see the kids, Piya. They're alone, poor things. Will u stay back? See if the doctor needs anything?" Misha was telling Piya. "I'll pick u up later."
Piya nodded. "Of course Mish."
She watched as Misha turned round and walked away. She sighed and then her eyes found someone in the corridor.
"Abhay? You here? She asked, surprised.
Abhay walked towards her. "Piya, yes me here" he gave a dull smile. There was so much sadness in it that it frightened her. "Did you-" he gestured towards the door of the room. "Do you know her?"
"Yes, of course, it's Haseena aunty I came to see" Piya bit her lip, looking worried. "it's so terrible to happen to her-she is such a nice person..."She frowned, looking up at Abhay. "Do you know her?"
Abhay nodded, closing his eyes painfully. "My mother." He whispered, his words barely audible.
Piya blinked as she heard her words, thinking she might have misunderstood. "W-what--?"
Abhay looked at her, smiling humourlessly at her shocked tone. He pulled the small black diary out from his pocket. "Read this, Piya."
Piya looked at him for several more seconds,then at the diary and finally accepted it, still looking shocked. She opened the diary and sat down on one of the chairs and started to read. Abhay sat down beside her, watching her changing expressions as she read.. From shock to the dawn of realization.
She finally looked up to find Abhay looking at her. Her voice trembled as she spoke. "So-so-"
"Yes" said Abhay harshly, taking the diary away from her and staring at it. "You see the whole picture. I'm her son...a son who has failed his duties to a mother."
Piya's heart went out to him. She could sense his pain beneath his harsh tone. She remembered him teasing her over the phone, the last time they'd talked. How different his voice sounded now, so dead and heavy. "Don't say that Abhay" she said gently.
"It's true" said Abhay, suddenly furious. "I shouldn't have listened to my Dad all these years-he's the one for whom-for whom-I just got to know she's alive when I got this-" he held up the diary with shaking hands. "I didn't know-I didn't know-and now-now-I don't know if she'll ever open her eyes and look at me again!"
"Abhay, don't" Piya whispered. "She will be back, she'll be fine in no time. She loves you, how can she leave you?"
"How do you know?" he asked her, agony in his eyes.
"She talked about you." Piya whispered. "And now I remember, she kept all those newspaper cuttings that mentioned you or had your picture."
Abhay's expression almost broke Piya's heart as he stared at her. "The people who love me have a habit of leaving me." He finally said.
Piya reached over and held his hand, wanting nothing more to control him. She could handle a rude Abhay, an angry Abhay, a hurtful Abhay, but this Abhay-this vulnerable Abhay she did not know how to comfort. His pain seemed to be her pain, boring into her insides.
"She's your mother; she won't leave you." She said firmly. He said nothing, but let her hold his hand. He company was strength, her face soothed the raw pain. He closed his eyes, savouring the thought that she had reached out to comfort him.
"Err..Abhay..the Arjun Dobriyal mentioned-"
"Is your brother , yes-" Abhay said shortly.
Piya sighed, but said no more.She had more questions but that could wait. Right now, he needed her. She felt his need for support, and just like he had been there to offer her solace during the time of her brother's accident, she would be there for him.
They sat there quietly, in comforting silence, each thankful for the others' company.
Piya's phone vibrated in her pocket. She pulled it out to find a text message from Misha.
Come dwn, m waiting.
"Abhay, I have to go" Piya said. "I'll be back tomorrow I promise."She hesitantly remover her hand from Abhay, instantly missing the warm comfort of his touch. He did not answer, did not even look at her. He was staring off at the opposite wall. "Err-good night Abhay."
She turned to go, but he caught her wrists just then. She looked back and the look in his eyes as he stared at her..it almost made tears come to her eyes. "Please stay" he whispered, his voice cracking slightly. "Please, don't go."
"Abhay, I-"
"I need you."
Those three words, undid all her resistances. They'd had been uttered softly, witout any emphasis and yet, they seemed to penetrate right into her heart. He looked so lost, almost afraid, that she couldn't do it. She simply couldn't leave him alone and go. Because for Piya, Abhay had come to mean so much in just a few days. And she wanted to help him, in any way she could.
"All right, some time more" she said sitting down beside him, as she sat down and quickly texted Misha.
The some time more quickly turned towards the whole night and towards morning they fell into a shallow sleep, Piya's head falling on Abhay's shoulder, their hands still entwined.
********
And that's how the next few days passed. Piya juggled her time between teaching at school and the hospital. At the start of ech day came the hope that Haseena would recover and at the end of each day that hope would be cruelly dashed. Piya couldn't concentrate on anything properly. Her head always ran with thoughts of Haseena aunty and she continuously prayed for her to get well. The kids were a glum lot these days. "How is Mommy?" they would ask eagerly each time she saw them and she could only shake her head, her heart breaking as their faces fell.
And then there was Abhay. He seemed so mechanical these days, like a robot. He handled work from the office in Shimla but Piya wuld always see him when she came to the hospital. He looked tired, dark circles were beginning to form beneath his eyes, his stubble growing darker each day she saw him. She longed to comfort him in any way she could. His blue eyes looked as if shutters had closed in on them and twice she had spotted Abhay looking at Haseena aunty with such a broken look that tears had come to her eyes.
"Please wake up, Haseena aunty" she whispered. "We all need you. Specially Abhay. He needs you so much."
She had told Mish about Haseena being Abhay's mother and she had been surprised.
"Haseena aunty-Abhay's mother?" she had breathed. "But I still don't trust him, Piya. Don't forget what he did to you. U shouldn't forgive and trust so easily, either. I can't bear it if u are hurt again."
"Misha, we can't hold on to bad times" said Piya gently. "And no matter how rude he has been, that was all before. He's been there for me, and it is my turn to be there for him. I can't see him like this-alone and in pain."
"Do you love him?" Misha asked, frowning at her.
Piya bit her lips, turning away. She didn't know. Did she?
For Abhay the days stretched out endlessly. His life, for the most part had been dark, and when a shy beam of light had started to penetrate, that too had been cruelly put out. If it had not been for Piya, he did not know how he would have been able to hold on. He had now grown accustomed to seeing her everybody, had grown accustomed to her sitting with him, holding his head in silent comfort, sometimes even falling asleep. These moments with Piya made him hope that things would surely turn for the better one day. One day....
He wanted to open up to Piya more. He could tell that she was trying to reach out to him, but whenever he opened his mouth to speak, something painful seemed to lodge itself in his throat and he couldn't say a word.
On Friday night, Piya came to him. "Abhay..I wanted to tell u..I'm going to Dehradoon tomorrow." She paused, biting her lip. "I don't want to leave Shimla in the current situation-with-with Haseena aunty here-and the kids alone-and you." She took a deep breath. "But I promised Bhai I'd see him in the weekends. And see how he's doing. I'll be back by the last bus tomorrow itself."
Abhay looked at her for a few moments and then spoke his first words of the day to her. "Must you go?"
Piya's heart tugged at his question. But how could she tell him that it was not only to visit Arjun that she was going. Another thing had been bothering her since she had read that diary. She needed to do something about it. She knew Abhay wouldn't approve if she told him but she had to do it.
So she nodded. "Yes I must. I'll be back tomorrow itself. Promise Abhay."
Abhay shrugged, saying nothing.
***************
Arjun did look better when Piya saw him next day. He still had his bandages, but he was visibly improving. He looked pleased to see her.
Piya bent and gave him a hug. "You look better, much more like my Bhai" she said, pulling back.
Arjun smiled at her. "Doc will release me soon, he said I was improving well." He looked closely at his sister. "You look tired-and worried, Piya. What's wrong?"
Piya sighed and then said everything about Haseena's illness to Arjun.
"Oh" said Arjun, putting a hand on her arm. "She'll be fine, I'm sure, sis. Ll your prayers won't go in vain."
Piya felt as if she was going to cry. She shook her head. "Everything's going horribly wrong." She sobbed, unable to hold herself. "The kids are so down, and afraid, like they think the one they love will be taken away again. And u know the worst part, Bhai? Abhay? I don't know how to comfort him Bhai. Haseena aunty is his mother. He didn't know. He-he found out a few days ago. And-and this-"
She could say no more, giving release to her pent-up grief. Arjun looked startled.
"Haseena? Abhay's mother?" he said a little slowly.
Piya nodded. "I was shocked myself at first. But now-I want Abhay and the kids to get their mother back. I want my Haseena aunty back."
Arjun patted her head comfortingly. So Haseena was Haseena Raichand? Abahy's mother? That meant Alisha's mother? He closed his eyes, a soft sigh escaping his lips. He had wanted to tell Piya everything about the past, Alisha's death and all, but now he realized, it was not his confession she needed, but his strength. He'd tell her at a later time. This moment wasn't right, not when so many storms were already raging. So he soothed his younger sister, waiting for her to calm down.
**********
Later Piya came out of the hospital, much more composed. Arjun had wanted her to stay, but had understood her need to get back. He had sensibly not mentioned anything about meeting their parents, because he felt it would disturb her now.
She had just enough time left to do her other work before she caught the last bus to Shimla. She quickly hailed a taxi.
"Drive me to Raichand House please, on Hill Road. You do know where that is, right?"
The driver nodded, starting the engines.