FADING DARKNESS

CHAPTER 29: REGRETS AND TOGETHERNESS

"You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them"
Iyanla Vanzant, Yesterday, I Cried
That night, Piya lay in bed, too exhausted to sleep. The day had drained her emotionally. Overhearing Chand-Haseena conversation, meeting Arjun, knowing so many secrets of his past, and then her talk with Abhay. So many things revealed, broken and mended. All in one day. How did it all come down to this, Piya mused. The car ride back home had been quiet as well, with both her and Abhay lost in their thoughts. She missed Abhay now. It was an intense feeling, taking over her physical being, and she shot out of bed, restlessness filling her. She walked over to the window, staring at the deserted roads outside. A slight chill permeated the air, and she shivered, wrapping her arms around herself...
Her and Abhay's lives had been tangled even before they had met, Piya realized. And Arjun Bhai...Piya closed her eyes tightly as he came to her mind. All these years, she had had no idea, none at all...of the ravaged and shattered man hiding behind her cheerful, easygoing brother. How terrible it was to have gone through what he had gone through...and Abhay, little Abhay, growing up with all that hate, with all that agony, with no one to turn to...
She wondered how long it took for these wounds to heal, if ever at all. Maybe they were taking steps forward, slowly, hesitatingly, but how much strength would they need before they really, truly moved on?
She wondered how things would have been if circumstances were different. If her brother and the love of his life had been together, would she and Abhay have met at their wedding, maybe? A tear slipped out of Piya's eyes at the thought of her brother's wedding. Would he ever have one? Would he ever allow himself to let someone else in, even if he moved on?
All of them were in a mess, a big labyrinth of a mess. And yet, the thought that, this time, Abhay was on her side, calmed her down like no other. Maybe things would be all right in the end. Maybe there was still hope. Maybe, she and Abhay would heal every wound, just as she had promised.
******
The next couple of days went by in a blur for Piya. Wednesday was approaching, the day Haseena's operation was scheduled to be on, and Piya wanted to take that day off, so she worked extra hard so that the kids would not miss her presence on that day. The same thing was on Abhay's mind as well. Piya did not see him much, he spent his time shuffling between Dehradoon and Shimla, trying to wrap up important things before the operation so he would be free on that day. He looked exhausted from his work, and Piya wished she could o up to him and comfort him. But he hardly stayed at the hospital. He met up with his mother, stayed for a few minutes, and then shot off to work again. Whenever they passed in the corridors, he passed her with a nod and a smile. Piya knew he was busy, and yet she could see the underlying anxiety and helplessness in his eyes.
The day before the operation, Piya paced outside, waiting for Abhay to come out. She had visited Haseena aunty, talked with her and assured her that the kids at the orphanage were all fine and were waiting for her to return soon. Then she had leaned in and whispered to Haseena aunty that the greatest gift she could give Abhay for his birthday was her recovery, earning a watery smile for her.
"After the operation, I'm going to ensure just that. That you recover fast and quick. No delays."She had added, and Haseena's smile had grown wider, tears leaking out of her eyes as she had spoken. "My son couldn't be loved by anyone better, Piya."
"Wrong." Piya had murmured, though her smile had refused to fade. "He is loved by you."
Abhay had come in much later, almost as the visiting hours were drawing to a close, and Piya had quickly left, wanting to give them some mother-son bonding time.
And now she waited outside, for Abhay to come. She would not rest in peace until she met him tonight, unless she was assured by her own eyes that he was all right.
"Piya Dobriyal, you are a very unusual girl." The voice halted her thoughts. Starting slightly, she turned around to find herself staring right into the dark eyes of Chand Raichand, who was watching her with an expressionless face.
"Er-what?" Piya said, uncertainly, not quite knowing what to make of this statement. She remembered all too well the cold encounter they had had, the last time she had gone to meet him, to tell him about Haseena. The only time they had met, in fact.
"You care a lot about Haseena, and- Abhay." He said, in the same quiet voice.
Piya frowned, not knowing where this conversation was going.
"Well, of course, I do." Her voice was stronger now, surer. "They are special-I love them."
Chand made a sound that sounded like a chuckle. "Well- that's good, I guess."
"Mr. Raichand." Piya said. "You do not have to be so- sarcastic about it."
"Sarcastic." Chand made that chuckle-like sound again. "Love. My daughter sacrificed her life for it, Haseena and me were torn apart because of it. And now, the agony refuses to go away because of it. And my son and I are strangers because we spent so long avenging it."
Piya was quiet for a few moments, pondering on his words. She suddenly wondered how he had been as a young man, the man who had loved Haseena, the man who had once made that heart-wrenching choice when forced to choose between his wife and kids. How much had he altered? Did that person still hide deep within?
"I know all that happened, Mr. Raichand." she finally said. "And I don't pretend that I understand the depth of the hurt you must have gone through. I hope things had been better, different. But the past cannot be changed." She gave a small smile. "I cannot allow myself to stop loving for that, Mr.Raichand. I will not. Love may tear us apart, but in the end, it will be the one thing holding us together."
He looked at her quietly for a few moments, his eyes intently searching her face for something.
"Do you know why I hated you?" he asked her finally, and Piya gave a faint smile.
"I think I do, sir."
Something flickered in Chand's eyes and then it was gone, leaving it as expressionless as ever. "As I said, you are unusual. And I'm glad that you are there for Haseena and Abhay in a way I'll never be." He gave a sigh, suddenly looking tired. "Goodnight, Piya."
And with that abrupt end in conversation, he turned and wheeled away, leaving Piya frowning, wondering what to make of the conversation.
"What did Dad say? Did he hurt you?" a cold voice made her jump, and she turned around to see Abhay walking towards her, his jaw clenching, his hands fisted at his sides.
"Abhay." Piya gave him a warm smile. "How's aunty now?"
"The nurse came and gave her medicines. She's sleeping now." Abhay's voice softened a little as he spoke of his mother. And then his eyes hardened as he reached her. "You didn't answer my question."
Piya sighed. "He didn't say anything hurtful, Abhay. We were just-talking."
Abhay laughed humourlessly. "Talk, yeah, right. I've lived with my father long enough to know exactly how he talks."
"Abhay, trust me." Piya said, laying a hand on his cheek. That seemed to relax him, and he leaned into her hand, though the hard glint was still there in his eyes.
"I trust you, Piya. I do." he said quietly. "But it's- Dad I don't trust."
Piya shook her head, a small smile on her lips. "He just told me that I was an unusual girl."
"What?" Abhay asked, his eyebrows rising in disbelief.
Piya shrugged. "There's something different about him-Abhay. I just-I don't know. It...makes me wonder..."
"Don't let your guard down in front of Dad." Abhay said, his voice suddenly cold. "Don't Piya. You don't know him."
"He's hurt you a lot, hasn't he Abhay?" Piya said, her voice soft.
Abhay turned away abruptly, his shoulders tensing. "Piya-please..."
Piya laid a hand on his shoulders, waiting until he turned around. He didn't look at her, but his eyes were surprisingly overbright.
"Abhay, it's OK, really. I know you are worried about Haseena aunty, and confused about many things. And-it's all right to feel all that. Really. But we're both in it together, remember Abhay?"
Abhay looked at her then, taking her into a quick hug. He held her to him, drawing comfort from the way she wrapped her arms around him, laying her soft head on his chest.
"I don't know what to do with Dad, Piya. I-we -I don't know how to talk to him anymore." he confessed, somehow finding it easy to be honest with her. Piya felt a lump form in his throat. "And I don't know how to understand him. We've drifted so far..."
Piya's hand tightened around him. "I feel that way-about-about me and Papa too." Her voice came out muffled. "When, when...I knew everything...and he let me go...it was..so hard..." Piya felt him drop a kiss on her hair, holding her silently, listening. She felt her tears spill. "I miss him." she admitted. "I want to go and forgive him. Who knows-maybe I've forgiven him in my heart already, but still..."
"I guess I feel betrayed too, in a way. I miss my father, Piya." Abhay said, his voice barely audible. It seemed as if he was holding back tears. "I miss the father he must have been...when..you know, Mom was there...I wonder how he would have been then...Mom told me he was the one who named me, you know...I wish I'd...remembered that father..."
He trailed away, and they both were silent for a long time, holding each other, comforting each other in their grief. After a long time, they pulled apart, still in each other's arms.
"It's getting late, I should get going." Piya told him, with a watery smile. "Mish will be waiting."
"I'll drop you on my way, then." said Abhay, returning her smile with a faint one of his own. "And-and tomorrow-"
"I'll be here as soon as I can. I'm taking the day off from school." Piya informed him, her heart soaring as she saw the gladness in his eyes. "And don't you worry, Haseena aunty will be fine before you know it." She moved a little away, still holding onto his hand, not looking away from him. "And things will sort themselves out in their own time...trust me."
Abhay smiled, his eyes piercing her with a gaze so intense, that she had difficulty looking at him. At the same time she couldn't look away either. "Piya, I don't know what I'd do if you weren't here, with me."
Piya's heart skipped a beat at his words. For a few minutes, she couldn't say anything, his words drowning out the world around her. And then she spoke finally, words that made Abhay want to hold on to her and never, ever let go. "You don't ever have to find out, Abhay, because I'm not going anywhere."