Lingchi

Holding the Hand that Holds Me Down

Her eyes opened after a second, her mind barely registering what she was seeing in front of her. But she crawled forward nonetheless, bitting her lip to keep herself from throwing up right there, and the moment she moved from the cave and on the rocks, she stopped and hovered before she emptied the contents of her stomach, once more.

Hope coughed violently as she pulled away from the rocks and slipped back into the dark cave, the coolness it was giving off made her feel better already. She rubbed a hand over her heated skin before rubbing her forehead and feeling the heat eliminate from it, she just felt sick, all over her body and it probably was because of the lack of food and nutrients.

She only had berries, and there wasn't much of that left now - so she'd probably have to venture farther away to go find some more. She knew the way back to the temple, she knew the way back to the darkness, Hope was going to stay as far away from that place as possible.

Hell, she had been managing to keep away for three months. No one had found her, and dare she add, yet. Well, if Rey managed to find her, that wouldn't be too bad. It wouldn't be bad at all, she wanted to be back in the presence of the light. This planet was all darkness, that's all it had and it was trying to get at her... change her for the worst and she was trying so hard to fight it off, to send it away, to protect the light that was burning very low right now, her hope was almost gone. She felt as if Rey would never come, despite the plea she sent out every night, how would she know where to find her? She wouldn't, not on her own...

Hope ran a hand through her dirty hair, a sigh escaping her lips as she tried to cling to the little bit of light that said someone good was coming for her, that some one would help her because she didn't know how much more of this she could take.

If Rey didn't find her first, then surely the people who lived on this planet would find her, they hadn't been looking too hard because it was three months since she had left the temple, she barely felt Kylo, she barely felt anyone, she was alone for the first time in her life and the peace was rather good, but... she was alone, with no one to help her. She could think for herself, but she thrived with others, she felt their life source, it was the only thing that reminded her that she wasn't dead.

Yes, without people, she felt dead. And it was a surprise she wasn't dead now, Hope certainly felt like it. It probably was dead, why did she even hope? Because that was what she was supposed to do, she couldn't starve to death, she couldn't freeze to death... did she really deserve that? Perhaps after she had almost choked Kylo to death... that was a reason, but it was only one thing.

Hadn't she done enough good in the galaxy to live a happy life?

She wasn't one to decide, unfortunately, she didn't know who decided. The universe? The universe only knew how to get even - was this even enough? Had she not been paid back enough?

Her mother is dead, her father is dead, Ben is gone, she has been injured, she has been tempted and now she is alone? Why? She has gone through enough shit and for once, for once, she would love it if it would all stop. It she could just feel peace... please... without having to worry about anything.

Hope exhaled slowly as she rubbed her eyes, feeling her stomach growl, wanting to eat, needing to eat and drink. She hadn't had water in a day, which is another reason why she felt like death, while her strength failed her; she then pulled herself to her feet and slowly walked over to the pool of water, kneeling down, she cupped her hands and drank the clean, clear and refreshing water. Her eyes closed and she exhaled in happiness, feeling it sooth her parched throat.