Lingchi

Stay With Me

He didn't know how long he has been kneeling there, breathing in a shallow way and allowing the tears to slip down his cheeks, letting it wet the blanket. He didn't know, he didn't care either. All he knew was he was exhausted, he had to sleep. Then, tomorrow, he would forget this ever happened.

Ben swallowed thickly before rubbing his eyes and slowly climbing into the bed that was provided for him, a soft shuddering sigh escaped his lips as he curled his tall frame up so his knees were nearly touching his chest, then he wrapped his arms around them, slowly ducking his head as he curled up under the blankets.

Though he didn't fall asleep as fast as he'd like. His eyes remained open as he started into the darkness, slowly allowing his mind to wonder back to the past, where he and Hope used to be friends, when he had a family. When he had people who cared about him, but he turned away from it... there was a reason for turning...

He remembered, when he was six, Chewbacca would always give him rides on his back and they would run around for hours, laughing about it. And sometimes, they would lay in the grass and stare at the sky, and they'd talk.

He remembered when he first learned how to understand his language.

He remembered when he was seven, his father took him on a trip in the Millennium Falcon with Chewie. They visited various planets, he remembered when he first held a lightsaber in his hand. He remembered when his father taught him all the controls of the Falcon, he remembered when he was the co-pilot once.

He remembered when Chewie taught him how to handle the cross how, he remembered when him and his mother would go and visit other planets and he would get to learn their culture. He remembered when he and his mother would cook for dinner. But his favorite was when all of the family and friends would come over and his father, his mother, him and Chewie and anyone else who could fit in the kitchen, would all try and make dinner, or some kind of dish.

He remembered when his father spilled flour over Chewie one day, there was silence before the wookie threw back some kind of food, his father returned it. Then he threw some at Luke... it ended up in a huge mess.

Which meant all of the boys had to go outside and be sprayed by his mother to get off all the food. Then they had to stay outside until they were all dried off.

Only Ben was allowed in the kitchen and he had dabbed some batter on his mother's nose, then he kissed it off and gave her a hug, telling her he loved her. He did, he loved his mother. He missed her... he missed seeing her, he missed hugging her and telling her that he loved her.

He missed it when she would say it back and he missed it when his father would take him on little adventures and promise that he would become greater than him and his mother combined.

But Ben would always argue that no one was better than Han Solo and Leia Organa.

He missed when Luke would help him, when he was gentle and always encouraged him. He missed the family that believed in him even when he didn't believe in himself, Ben missed the family that would stand beside him no matter what.

All of it... died. When he turned, he heard that there was a darker, more powerful force, trying to rise from the ashes of the Empire. He didn't turn because he wanted to continue Vader's legacy... he didn't even know about him then... Ben wanted to stop Snoke...

All the people he had to kill, was weighing heavily on his heart; he knew that he couldn't ever go back to his family and ask for forgiveness, the act he had committed... it was unforgivable. Ben choked back back a sob as he used his hand to cover his mouth up as the tears started to run down freely once more, it was like all the frustration that had built up over time, was suddenly released.

Though he hated to admit it, it felt good to let all of it loose. But he felt alone... he felt very alone right now.

No one would stand to see him like this... he was here and he was alone.

~>~>~

Hope was another story, she wasn't crying her eyes out because she lost a family. No... she was sitting there, waiting... for something, she didn't know. Maybe she was waiting for sleep, maybe she was waiting for someone to walk in once more to take care of her wound, a medic had came in earlier and cleaned her wound before she bandaged it.

Then left Hope alone... and she was freaking starving.

She hadn't ate in the past two days, though she didn't bother to tell anyone how hungry she actually was.

Hope didn't trust what they could do to the food, she didn't want to sleep either, since she didn't want anyone to come in here while she did so... there was not a person she trusted on this ship. The girl sat in silence, just staring at the ceiling and think about... what had almost happened. She almost lost Han to... Kylo.

That was the worst thought she could ever imagine, and all of a sudden... sadness... grief.... anger and confusion washed over her quickly. It wasn't even her emotions, but they came to her and just suddenly pressed on her chest to where it felt like they were physically there.

To where it felt like they were actually hers, she felt a sense of longing, a sense of loneliness.

Her heart clenched and squeezed as the emotions just continued to weigh down on her, there was no way she could push them off... only because she didn't know how to push them away, she just knew how to calm them down; then she remembered a song that she had heard from a woman... who had came from Earth, and the song that she sung once. Which gave Hope the strength to go on, so... maybe just singing it would help the emotions to calm.

"Slowly fading away, you're lost and so afraid - where is the hope in a galaxy so cold? Looking for a distant light, someone who could save a life. You're living in fear that no one will hear your cries.

"I am with you, I will carry you through it all, I won't leave you I will catch you when you feel like letting go. Cause you're not, you're not alone. Your heart is full of broken dreams, just a fading memory - and everything's gone but the pain carries on. Lost in the rain again, when will it ever end?

"I am with you, I will carry you through it all, I won't leave you I will catch you when you feel like letting go. Cause you're not, you're not alone.

"And I'll be your Hope when you feel like its over, and I will pick you up when - your whole world shatters, and when you're finally in my arms - look up and see love has a face. I am with you, I will carry you through it all, I won't leave you I will catch you when you feel like letting go. Cause you're not, you're not alone.

"And I will be your Hope. Slow fading away, you're lost and so afraid - where is the hope, in a galaxy so cold?"

She softly sang the lyrics in her head and whispered them out loud, hoping that it would calm the emotions, the emotions that didn't even belong to her.

And after a moment, they seemed to die down until it was completely calm. Then she was left in her own mind; Hope exhaled a couple of times before she relaxed, that was the weirdest thing that she had encountered... so far.

She was tired... very tired... which meant that she had nothing else to do, but fall asleep in the arms of her enemy.