Suicide Note

Chapter 1

Hi everyone! So this is my first story, and this probably going to be horrible. I just had an idea so I figured I would write it. Thanks for reading if you come across this, and enjoy <3 <3 <3

-----------

Chapter 1:

"Goodbye babe, love you!" I chirped as I walked out of the door. I got into my car and drove towards my office building. Also, hi, I'm Jake. I had pulled into the parking space and made my way towards the elevator. Along the way, I looked around me, at the cars, the trees, the weather. San Francisco was so beautiful, I would never want to move. I finally got to the floor the office was on and clocked in.

I sat here at my computer desk, typing away. I was an editor for BuzzFeed, and I spent most of my day typing. Writing articles and editing them was my passion, it was like I was born to do it. Since my beautiful boyfriend Justin was a writer, our relationship worked perfectly. And now here we were, 4 years together, a happy kitty family, and a love so strong that nothing could break it.

You might be wondering why I'm saying all of this. Yesterday, I went out and bought a beautiful ring, and intended on proposing today on the top of the hill by Coit Tower. There was going to be a candlelit dinner and a band playing for us. I had been planning this for a long time now. I have been nervous all day, thinking about what he might say. Will he be upset? Will he be happy? Will he hate me? I have no clue. Abruptly, my manager walked up to me.

"Hey, Jake, do you think we should post the article on Cats and Cooking?" I chuckled, "Sure, let me read over it." I went to the dropbox and opened the file called "Cats make the best chefs" I had made it about 2 pages down until my phone started to ring. It was coming up as a Unknown Caller. "Probably some dumb telemarketer" I presumed. Then the number called again, and I ignored it again, I was busy and didn't want to be bothered. A few minutes later, Justin was calling. Now I was worried. I picked up the phone.

"Helllloooooo babe" I cooed.

"Hello? Is this Mr. Carter?" An unknown voice had asked.

"Who is this? Where is Justin?" I questioned.

"I'm sorry to tell you Mr. Carter, but your boyfriend, Justin, has died.

My phone fell to the floor. I couldn't feel anything. I just received the call no one should ever have to receive. My co-workers had a questionable look, wondering why I was standing in the middle of the room, lifeless.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Another manager had asked me.

I stood there, not knowing how to respond. I was in such disbelief.

"He's.. d-de-dead.... Justin... Is dead..."

At that point I had collapsed to the floor, tears flowing out of my eyes. How did this happen?

————

1 Year Earlier

————

I had woken up at 7am, going to get some coffee from the Starbucks down the street. I ordered Justin a Java Chip Frap, his favorite. I got myself a Pumpkin Spice Latte and started to walk back to our apartment. Walking uphill carrying 2 cups did not work out so well. I half-spilled my latte all over me.

When I walked in the door, I say Justin typing away at his computer. I wonder what he is writing. He turned around and looked at me. "Hey babe, I was wondering where you- why is there coffee all over your shirt?" He started cackling after that. I gave him his Java Chip Frap which he drank rather quickly. "So... whatcha' writing?" I asked him, as the entire screen was filled with words that I couldn't see.

"Oh, just a love story, that's all."

"Who's it about? Us?" I piped out.

"No silly, it's about this couple that had been friends with each other 10 years ago, and when they meet up again, they have no clue who each other are."

"Ooh, sounds interesting."

"Well, I have to go to work, have fun writing your story! Love you!"

"Love you too"

When I had glanced back at the computer as I walked out the door, I read that the title was something -note, but I couldn't make out the first part.

———

Zoom Zoom now we're back in present time.

———

I had rushed out of the office, hearing shrieks of horror fade behind me. I jumped into my car, tears enveloping my face, and sped off towards our apartment. I couldn't think straight as I sat in the traffic, not being able to move my car. I felt like I wanted to disappear. Every joyous moment in my head was pushed to the back, and I felt dismal. After the light turned green, I drove as fast as I could to my apartment. Out front was 2 police cars and an ambulance. I ran inside, where I saw something that made me fall to my knees. Justin was laying, lifeless on the bed. There were slits along his arm.

"He... killed himself?" I croaked, barely able to say anything. My eyes were flooded with tears. Why didn't he say anything? I'm here for him and always have been, this didn't have to happen. "A neighbor called 911 when they saw him through the window." A paramedic stated. "I'm so sorry for your loss, Mr. Carter. This is something no one should ever have to go through." "How...How long has he...Been dead?" I weeped. "From the looks for it, about an hour." Right after I left for work... I couldn't fathom what was happening right now. I didn't feel anything except guilt. I shouldn't of left for work today, I didn't even have to come in today, I opted to. I scanned the room, when I saw that his laptop was opened. I trudged over to it, reading what had been on the screen. I read the title on the screen. "Suicide Note." I broke down.

For all this year I had been wondering what he was writing. He rarely shared anything that he was writing with anyone, I guess he wanted no one to know what it was about until there was the final copy. Now I know what he has been writing for the last year. What had been going on? What had I not noticed? Was I not paying attention to him enough? What had I done wrong? I looked back at the bed as they lifted him onto a gurney. I walked over to his body, and whispered "Goodbye forever, I will always love you" through my tears. I gave him a final kiss on his forehead before they zipped his body into the plain black bag. I watched as they wheeled him onto an ambulance, and it drove off.

I stood in my doorway, looking out onto the street. Everything seemed dreary. The sky, the trees, the weather, none of it seemed joyous anymore. My life felt empty without him. I slammed the door shut, and slumped to the ground, hands in my face. In some way I felt like this was my fault. I slowly got up, and walked back towards the computer, which had the note on it. I looked down at the page count.

Page 1 of 764

"This isn't really a note as much as it is a book" I said to myself. I scrolled to the bottom of the page, where a small paragraph was written.

"I'm so sorry you're having to see this. Babe I am so, so sorry. None of this was your fault. I never want you to think that. My own mind took over me. I should have asked for help, but I didn't. I didn't want you to think of me as pitiful, or weak. I didn't want you to hate me, or never want to talk to me again because I was a freak. So when you asked when I first started writing this, yes, this is about us. I will always love you, forever and ever. -Justin"

I was sobbing. Why would he think I would hate him? I am always going to be there for him, I am willing to risk my life for him. No matter what I will always be there with him.

I continued onto the next page, not knowing what to see next.

------

Ok. There is the first chapter, and I feel like it is too short. Leave comments telling me things that I could improve on, because this just being me, I feel like it is terrible. But thanks if you made it this far <3

-Drew