The rest of my day was literally a blur I couldn't seem to keep my breakfast down and the world seemed to be dancing around me so you could imagine how much happiness flooded me when the bell rang to signify the end of the school day. Why didn't I go home during school da you ask. Because I didn't want to feed their craving to see me hurt and in pain so I endured the pain and the hurt altogether.
As I walk home I look around the crowded street and notice that I'm the only person who isn't walking in a group or with a friend .. I don't seem to have any of those. "Don't let it get to you" I say to myself louder than I intended. "Hey! You stole those words right out of my mouth!" a voice announces, I turn around slowly, afraid of who I might see.
A sigh of relief escapes my lips as soon as I realize its just Neil .. Wait a minute .. Its Neil.
Almost immediately my legs race off, almost as if its instinctive.
Have you ever met those people who don't back off no matter how hard you rub "back off clues" in their faces? That's Neil.
I feel myself stop moving and without my concern my mind yells all my frustrations at him "Look Neil, I don't know how much your friends paid you to put up with me and quite frankly I don't care, just leave me alone!" My words felt frozen against my lips, although instead of feeling justified for giving this two faced menace a piece of my mind, I feel ashamed for lashing out at him because strangely a part of me detects remorse behind his actions. I don't apologize, simply I walk away leaving evidence of my wrongdoing in the form of shards of Neils heart splattered across the sidewalk.
******
When I get home after what feels like an eternity walking, I burst through the door and head straight for my room without any detours. After that I burry all my sorrows into my bed which listens and gives me comfort, I cry till I cannot cry any longer and my head throbs as if to beg me to stop crying.
For some strange reason I keep seeing Neil standing there, eyes empty, mouth agape and heart Brocken. Watching me walk away in disbelief. In a way, the disbelief is mutual between us because I guess he didn't think he would ever hear those words come from me and well .. I couldn't believe I heard those words from me either.
Isn't it funny how one encounter with the "outside world" can impact the way you act and feel, a glimmer of hope sparked in the deepest part of my heart that maybe I could break my vicious circle of abuse.
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Does My existance matter
Fiksi Remaja"What exists after Death?", I asked myself, the smell of death had become more and more apparent with each day that had come and gone within one breath. "Whatever it is, it can't be worse than living" I answered myself. I knew however that I had ans...
