Before you my Life was Like an Old TV, Colorless

You're my Heart's Only Desire

​“Okay, so don’t forget, my house, six o’clock,” Maddy reminded me. I rolled my eyes at her as we walked through the over-crowded hallways of our school. Leave it to the school people to make Maddy and mines last class at the very back of the school. It is home economics so I don’t mind the actual class, just where the location is.

Maddy wants me to go over her house later, six o’clock to be exact, to discuss ways I can win Alex over. She thinks that just because he started talking to me last week that he’s interested in me. I don’t know how many times I’m going to go through these situations; a guy and girl can be just friends. What’s so incorrect about that!? It’s perfectly normal. Marcus and her did it…before they dated. This isn’t helping my situation and I can’t tell Maddy about it like I usually do with my boy problems because it’s Justin Bieber. She’s very good with advice and since I didn’t grow up with a mom, she was my “mom” when it came to boys, but now that the boy is Justin Bieber I can’t tell her anything. It’s been two weeks since Justin and Selena broke up. I still feel sort of responsible for it, yet I feel some sort of hope in the pit of my stomach. When he told me that they broke up, I wanted to smile like if it was a good thing and that makes me feel bad because I shouldn’t have been happy that my best friend had just been dumped. I should be mad at Selena for dumping him, but instead I want to give her a hug and say thank you. Then there’s also that part of me that wants to tell her how much she is going to miss out on and try to get them back together because the reason she broke up with him was not valid, but then when I think about calling her and telling her that I freak out. I freak out because I feel like I’m going to regret telling her like if this is my chance to do something that I really want to do. Obviously, I’m confused and who do I have to give me advice? No one. Why? Because I like Justin Bieber. Ugh, why are things so complicated? Why do I have to like him in the first place? Why couldn’t I stick to Alex? Sure, he might not be a sweetheart when it comes to certain things, but he’s cute. I guess I still kind of think he’s cute, but Justin basically took over the section in my heart that is for my crushes. He owns it completely and I hate to admit that because I’m supposed to be getting over him, not admitting things like this. Well, they say admitting your problem is the first step to recovery, so maybe I’m getting somewhere. Now if only I believed that myself, THEN I’d be making some sort of progress. Maddy and I finally made it to the front of the school. Marcus saw us and came over. He gave Maddy a quick peck on the lips. They’re so cute.

"Hey baby," he greeted shortly after.

"Hey," she smiled. This only makes me think about Justin even more. About how I want him to greet me with a sweet kiss and hug. NO. Why is this so arduous? I've liked guys before and I've been able to get over them. What's the difference now? There is no difference, there can't be. How would there be? There isn't! Ugh, I think I have a headache. Fuck confusion, it’s confusing.

"Amber!" Maddy shouted knocking me out of my troubling thoughts.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Why don't you just come home with me? It doesn't make a difference, but like that we could get a head start!" she suggested. I glanced around, searching for Justin's car and I spotted it under the same big, leafy tree.

"No, I can't," I replied quickly looking away from the car, so she wouldn’t realize what I was staring at.

"Why not? Okay maybe I can go home with you. Who's picking you up?" she questioned while searching for a familiar car of mines.

"No...I have to help my grandma with something, but I'll be there at six," I yelled while moving backwards towards the car before she could say anything else. I really hate lying to her. She doesn’t deserve it. She’s such an amazing best friend to me. Not even, she’s like my sister. Yeah, sure it might sound cheesy, but she practically is! We spend like almost everyday together and if we’re not together, we’re talking on the phone. If for some reason neither of us can talk, then you better believe we’re text messaging each other and non-stop too. When there’s something, anything, wrong with me, she can tell in a snap. I could deny it all I want, tell her I’m perfectly fine, and she won’t stop until I’m happy. She’s helped me so much with situations in the past and lying to her…it’s just not right. I feel like such a bad person for lying to her almost daily, but sadly, I have no choice. I opened the passenger door and slid in. Justin stared at me with a smile.