The Bitter Queen

Chapter 1:The Unforgiveable Sin

    Ruth's POV

            Once upon a time, there was a beautiful tsurba and an ewan prince ... They 
Live happily ever tsuba ek-ek .... The Heck! This is pure waste of time ... How am I suppose to cope with my new school? Actually , my nth school . I've been like this for ages now. Hindi naman ako ganito dati eh Why? Hindi ko rin alam kaya wag pakaelamera ...
           Now,  I just want to go home and cuddle with my Kirby .How I miss him!  Makaalis  na nga .
           Tumayo ako mula sa upuan ko pero napatigil din nang may mambato sa akin ng maliit na bagay.
            I wasn't stupid not to know that it's a chalk . Unti-unti ay lumingon ako sa bumato sa akin and glared at him.

" And where do you think you're going Ms. Kardia?" Ang bulyaw nito habang   nakalagay ang dalawang kamay sa magkabilang baywang nito.

"Home" tipid na sagot ko rito sabay patuloy sa paglalakad  pero napatigil ulit nang maramdaman ang muling pagtama ng maliit na bagay sa ulo ko. Now, He got me .

"Punyeta kang  bastos na bata ka!  Kinakausap pa kita!  How dare you turn your back on me?" Pagalit na untag nito sabay kumpas ng kamay at pamumula ng mukha nito.

    Hindi ako nagsalita bagkus ay humarap sa kanya at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad ng pabaliktad .
 
"What the hell are you doing?!" Muling nagsalubong ang mga kilay nito.

I shrugged off and gave him an innocent remark.

"You don't want me to turn my back on you" painosenteng sabi ko sa kanya  na lalo naman  niyang ikinagalit.

      Napuno ng tawanan ang buong klase dahil sa huli kong sinabe . I looked at him and saw how his face turned to a dark shade of red. Galit na siya and Ooops! I think the latter isn't enough to describe him. I gotta face the dragon.

"Shut up!" Umalingawngaw ang boses niya sa buong klase . Tumahimik ang kapaligiran pagkatapos ay tinuro niya ako .
"And you!" Turan niya sa akin .

"Why?" Sagot ko sa kanya with matching confused look on my face.

"You!" He said not knowing what word to say .

"Me?" Turo ko sa sarili ko .

"Yes you!  Stupid moron , embezzle being and ... and stupid!" Dugtong niya sa di matuloy tuloy  na linya .

"Yes, my dear Maestro ? It's all me"sabi ko nang nakapamulsa sa pants ko. Yes, I don't use skirts .why?  Simply because I don't like to.

" Wala kang respeto! Hindi ka ba tinuruan ng good manners ng mga magulang mo?" He paused for a second and then placed his index finger on his chin as if  trying to analyze something. Pagkuwa'y nagsalita ulit siya . "Hmmmm...well,What do I expect with a crazy mother and a manwhore raising a child? . I pity you ... so much" sarkastikong sabi nito habang binibigyang diin ang bawat sa salitang binibitawan.

Tila tumigil ang aking mundo at ang tanging naririnig ko na lamang ay  ang mga tagos sa  butong salita na binibitawan ng guro.  Nararamdaman ko ang unti unting pagbaon ng aking mga kuko sa aking balat dahil sa mahigpit na pagkakakuyom nito. Wala akong ibang gustong gawin kundi ang tumigil siya.

"Stop" I said almost like a whisper . I don't want to hear his words . His words were like knives trying to stab me countless times.

"Ayaw mong marinig? Well, I'm tellin'  you!  Ms. Kardia , like your mother who have done nothing but to become the great battered wife , depending to what your dog father could put in her mouth .... wala kang  mararating!" Dire-diretso at walang preno niyang
litanya.

Then, he reached my last straw of my patience. I looked at him with my face void of emotions. Walang sali-salita ay sinapak ko siya mismo sa bunganga. Everybody gasped and silence envaded the room. Horror was evident in their faces as they took a glance to the person lying on the floor who is unconscious because of  my unexpected blow.

"You know me by name but not me . Stop this mess or  else , this crazy stupid embezzle nobody will haunt you to death"
    
   Umalis ako with my famous poker face na parang walang nangyare.Ganyan ako ... palagi . Don't try to get on my nerve 'cause you won't like it  if I get pissed off.

  Hindi muna ako umuwi since alam kong lelecturan na naman ako ng magaling kong ama. Pupunta ako sa kanya dahil doon ako nakakahanap ng kalinga.

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Lumuhod ako sa kanyang harapan at inilapag ang puting rosas na binili ko pa sa paborito naming shop.  Pinagmasdan ko ang paligid ko . Patag at berdeng berde ang mga damo sa matabang lupa nito. May mangilan ngilan ring mga punongkahoy na di naman katayugan. Mapayapa. Dinama ko ang marahang paghaplos ng hangin sa aking balat.Malamig. Naalala ko ang lahat...lahat lahat.
Pinikit ko ang aking mga mata. Bumalik sa aking gunita kung paano nangyare ang  lahat. Kasalanan ko. Hindi ko namalayan ang pag alpas ng isang butil ng luha mula sa aking mga mata . Binuksan ko ang aking mga mata at hindi napigilang  ngumiti nang  mapait.
Sinuri ko ang semento kung saan nakaukit ang pangalan niya. Halos di maaninag ang mga nakaukit dito. Pero di ko makakalimutan ang pangalan niya.

"Ram Zargaus"

He was my life . He was my everything . He was the one I am supposed to spend my life with . He was my first at almost everything. I love him 'til eternity.We're suppose to die together pero inunahan niya ako.

Tsk.stubborn. He won't listen in any thing I say.

Tumingala ako sa langit at pinakiramdaman ang aking sarili. Have I moved on?

Ofcourse

Not

I can't and I won't

He's my life and the day  I lost him , I lost myself too.

When he died , I died too.

I was close to killing myself but a voice told me not to .why?

Dahil kailangan ko munang magdusa at pagbarayan ang mga kasalanan ko.The unforgiveable sin that made them loathe me..
I deserve to suffer to death. Unti-unti pero masakit at nakamamatay.

From that day on , I started living in the pit of hell. I let revenge and sorrow invade my heart. I let the bitter taste of the past completely replace the glow in my life. And now , I became like this .Pointless and worthless , waiting for death to  get my useless life.

I can't find my purpose nor the relevance of my  existence.I am nothing.

Muling lumandas ang mga luha sa aking mga mata. Pinilit kong pigilan ang mga ito because a voice told me not to . Wala akong karapatang masaktan at umiyak . I shouldn't make people pity me. Wala akong karapatan.

I stood up and wore again my infamous poker face. The day he left my life, I shut my world to other people . I didn't let anybody enter my  world 'cause I can't afford to ruin another  innocent life again.

Before  I left , I let those  magical words I once believed to be true slip  out of my mouth.

I love you Mar

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