A Racer's Heart

12: Grow a Pair

Sasha's P.O.V.

Last night was a blur of Star and I making out and drinking.

I barely slept due to pictures of Mattie flashing back in my head and her face of sadness crowding my thoughts, and every time I attempt to switch gears, she's right there. I left in the middle of the night to take a walk outside to try and clear my mind but I can't seem to get away from it. My Grandfather always told me not to run away from my problems and it seems like I'm doing just what I shouldn't be. I groan out loud and sit on a park bench.

Ugh what am I supposed to do? It's not like anything i say matters.

What are you? Stupid? Words hurt.

But I said it out of frustration! She's the one who called my girlfriend a slut.

Does Mattie really look like the type of person to spread rumors?

I don't care. My girlfriend is not a slut.

I never said that, sit your defensive ass down.

This is all too confusing, I just want to go back inside and be with Mattie.

You finally admitted it.

I meant Star.

Right. Before you can do that, you need to apologize to Mattie.

I sigh and agree with my conscience. Mattie can have her opinions and I have mine. I shouldn't have said those things to her.

I try to clear my mind as I pick out a outfit for school. I pull out my white short shorts and Teal and white chevron print Tank top. I match it with Silver sandals. I slip on a bracelet and necklace, silver as well, and slip out the door.

*8*-*8*-*8*

I look for Mattie before school but i can't find her. Maybe she's going be late. I go to my first period and sit down in the back to avoid getting called on. Class doesn't start for another 7 minutes but i don't feel like becoming Mattie's stalker. Dalia comes and gives me the nastiest look as she walks towards my desk.

"Look D I don't have time for gossip today, try me tomorrow." I say putting on my earphones.

She rips the earphones from my ear and throws them on the ground. "You're coming with me you selfish bitch."

I watch her walk away and weigh my options: Get in a fight and get suspended OR stay in the classroom.

I get up and follow her to the hallways that are surprisingly empty. She doesn't stop walking until she enters the girls bathroom, where Green Girls have most of their fights. Me being the one to finish most of them. Sad I know but I don't handle my anger easily. She turns to face me and the amount of hatred in her face makes me wonder what i did this time.

"I knew you were low," Delia said sizing me. "But I didn't know you were this low."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I say, about to leave. I do not have time for this.

"Oh really? So do these words ring a bell? 'Maybe you deserve to be cheated on' and 'that's soo fucking selfish' or maybe this 'Maybe you couldn't handle the pressure of someone like her.' Yea i know what you said to her. I want you to stay the fuck away from my girlfriend she doesn't need you to kill her self esteem you worthless piece of shit. I can't believe you would even say that. You wanna know the worst part of it all? When I went to go pick her up that day she was acting like she was talking to herself. Scratch that. She was bullying herself because of you. She THOUGHT she was having a mental conversation with herself but I heard it. Only one sided but I pieced it together when I looked through the security cameras. Yes I snooped tell the cops I don't give a damn. The damn I do give is why you had to snap on her."

"She called MY girlfriend a slut." I say defensively.

"Your girlfriend is a slut you dumb ass. Everyone has slept with her at her whole school."

"How would you feel if someone called you a slut?" I say changing the viewpoint.

"I was a slut. Not anymore. Not with Mattie." She said with a hint of sadness that was replaced with anger. "And that's what makes me much more furious. You got her in the hospital you retard. WORDS HURT." She said enunciating the last two words.

I was just about to shoot back, grow a pair when I realize what she said. "What?"

"Yes she is because of you."

"I didn't touch her I would-" She cut me off as I tried to explain myself but her rage was so high that she paced around the bathroom.

"When we were at the diner, she kept repeating the same scenario over and over, she mumbled it and I don't think she knew she was doing. She kept saying 'My girlfriend is NOT a cheater, I knew you would say something so low like that, And to think I may have liked you. Why would she ever like you? Why would anyone believe you?' and 'And the thing is, maybe you deserved to be cheated on' with some extra and she replied to her self with 'Of course you deserved it. You're a piece of trash. You're weak.' The worse one was 'You were supposed to be a team and you took the shit for granted. What the fuck did I ever see in you?' and her face when she said 'What did she see in you? You're a piece of trash that nobody ever loves. You're an ungrateful bitch.' I had about enough of it and asked her who did it and she ran away. That's when I did my snooping and promised myself to beat the life out of the tramp. But then I saw it was you and one thing crossed my mind, why did you do it?"

"I was mad and I snapped. I didn't think she was going to-"

"Well she did. Why don't you ever think before you do anything? Stupid."

"Why are you telling me this?" I say flinching at my harshness, "I don't love Mattie. I love Star."

"Right." Delia says rolling her eyes. "Whatever you wanna believe. But she clearly likes you and I'ma need you to stay away from her if you're going to kill her."

"I didn't do anything!" I say pulling at my hair.

She rolls her eyes and steps up to me. "Mattie is everything to me and if you do or say anything else to hurt her you'll be digging your own grave." She steps back and looks into the mirror. "Mattie the girl who taught me my actions mean something to other people. I may not spend the rest of my life with her but she means a lot to me."

I walk out of the girls bathroom and walk into Mr. Gael's science class.

"Mrs. Neely, what do you need?" As all eyes turned on me.

I pointed to Elizabeth and she followed me out no questions asked. When we exited the school she spoke up.

"Did you hear? Mattie is in the hospital for committed suicide. Apparently some girl was being really mean to her and she likes her, i don't know, bully so she took the words to heart and attempted to end her -"

"YES LIZZY I KNOW." I shout stopping where I am. I furiously wipe at the tears the escaped it's jail trying to stop the overflow of waterworks i breathe. "I was told."

"The bully was you." She said quietly. She's gotten used to my out bursts so they don't affect her. To her I am talking the same 24/7.

I nod my head and the waterfall on my face makes it harder to see. The drummer in my head decided to start his solo, leaving me crouched down holding my head as flashes of Mattie swarm my head. Elizabeth takes out a water bottle and Advil and tells me to take them. I don't feel like arguing how I deserve this for an eternity so I take it and the drummer starts to slow down.

I fill her in on the events in the bathroom as we walk to the hospital.

~(_!_!_!^&^!_!_!_!_)~

WRITER #2: Super sorry for the awkward stopping point but i think it makes it better in my opinion and that would be writer 2 obviously.....anyways :): idk how i feel about that but i wanted it to be around the same length chapters but i promise in the next chapter i won't stop it short AND i am NOT going to RUSH Sasha and Mattie's relationship. But yea toodles.

Again we do know what we're talking about so please no hate.