A Racer's Heart

13: Why?

Mattie's POV:

You had one job, rope. One job.
I opened my eyes and quickly shut them again because of the bright light pouring through the window.
Wh-where am I?
I was hooked up to some beeping machines and my neck was sore. Once my eyes finally adjusted, I could see I was in a hospital in a white bed, wearing one of those stupid gowns.
Feeling a weight on my arm, I craned my neck and saw Sasha sleeping on me.
What?! Why her? Why here? Why am I alive?
I took deep breaths to calm my anger and to try to stop myself from crying from the pain.
There was a vase of flowers on the table along with three cards and a box of chocolates. Seeing as I had a certain female laying on me, I couldn't see who they were from but I was surprised my mom wasn't there-
Mom.
Mom must have found me.
Now she knows I'm gay and depressed.
I really wished the rope had worked.
"Ah, Mrs. Oswald."
A doctor came in, whispering so as not to wake up Sasha.
"Are you feeling alright?"
Fuck no. I wish I was dead. I'm in so much pain. "Yes."
"Good," he smiled at me and wrote something on his chart before sitting in a chair next to the bed.
"So, wanna talk about anything?"
I shook my head and he nodded in understanding.
"Well, if you need anything, I'm Doctor Kyle, but you can just call me Kyle."
He handed me a little buzzer thing and said to push it if I needed anything.
"W-wait!"
He turned around.
"Yes?"
I pointed to the presents.
"Who are those from?"
He picked up the flowers and read the tag.
"These are from... Sasha."
I froze.
He picked up the chocolates.
"These are from...Sasha as well."
I began to hyperventilate and looked at her.
Why would you do this? After pushing me to suicide... are you trying to apologize?
He picked up the cards.
"These are from Mom-"
My heart was lifted before I realized how hurt she could be now.
"- Dalia-"
My eyes widened in realization.
She was listening...
"-and Sasha."
As soon as he left I started to cry.
What have I done? Why can't I just die?
Just as I tried to reach for a tissue, I bumped Sasha and she began to wake up.
Shit.
I froze.

Sasha's P.O.V.

I slowly woke up to realize i fell asleep after crying over Mattie. And the thing is, i don't know why i was crying. Well i actually i do know why i'm crying but i'm not going to admit it. Yet. I notice she still is asleep and i sigh to myself as i look around. No one else came besides for Elizabeth and I. I get up to look at myself in the provided mirror when i see tears slightly coming out of Mattie's eyes. Maybe I hurt her when I was asleep on her arm.

Gosh Sasha why do you have to be so stupid?

Wait so i did hurt her? Maybe i should call a nurse!

Don't be dumb, if she really was hurting from you she would've told a nurse to help.

I guess you're right, maybe I should leave.

She already knows you're here, talk to her.

I clear my throat and Mattie scrunches up her face.

"Okay." I say walking around to where I was sitting. "Since you don't want to open your eyes I guess I'll just have to tell you with your eyes closed."

I wait to see if she's going to open here eyes but she doesn't.

"So, you might be wondering why i'm here." I say touching her arm. She gets really stiff. "Well i am too. Actually, when Dalia said you were in the hospital and blamed it on me, i thought i should at least be here to explain myself although i'm not that sure how i could make you feel like you didn't deserve to be in the world. Out of all people it would be me since i practically made you think that, which makes me feel really bad about myself and that's something since the facade makes me seem like i don't give a shit about the world. Which i do. I just don't show it you know? Well at least i try not to, but then you come and you make me wonder am i really doing enough with my life? So i try to do even more but then you're around and make me feel like i'm not supposed to be doing the stuff i am doing with Star but with uh you but you seem to be in a really locked relationship with Dalia." Well not really but I'll bring that up later. "So i don't really know, i just feel like i'm rambling and making no sense but i had to tell you. I already told you when you were asleep so if you weren't you would know, if you were than i guess you'll find out later." I look up to Mattie and her face is more relaxed now. Her eyes are still closed so i start to leave.

"What did you say when I was asleep?" She said squeezing her eyes shut even more. How do you even do that?

I walk back up to her and take her hand in mine. She doesn't flinch and her face relaxes. Her eyes are still closed and I laugh to myself. "If you want to know you have to open your eyes."

She shakes her head no.

"I guess there is only one thing to do."

"What?"

I kiss her and at first she doesn't do anything so i kiss her passionately, as if our lives depended on it, because quite frankly it does. Hers and Mines revolves around this kiss and the aftermath of it. But right now, i don't give a fuck about anything but her lips on mine.