the cool side of the pillow {styles au}

six

"Hey, what are you doing out here?"

I rip my gaze away from the dull embers - which were once a bright flame - to see Harry making his way across the yard. My eyes return to the fire pit before me, not knowing what to say. With a loud sigh, Harry takes the seat that Ian had been occupying a while ago as he shattered the last bit of sanity I had left. My hands remain around my legs and my chin is raw from having it propped in the same position on my knees for too long. I'm sure my makeup is smeared all over from the crying I've been doing, but I'm not too concerned. Harry offers one of the cups he's holding to me and I take it, chugging it's contents quickly. There's not enough Vodka in this Vodka soda for my liking, but I gulp it down anyway.

"I've been looking all over for you," Harry teases, the almost complete darkness preventing him from seeing the pained expression or the smeared makeup that is plastered all over my face.

"Sorry," I mumble.

"No worries," Harry says, that playful tone still prominent.

Out of nowhere my bottom lip begins to quiver and my eyes well up with tears once more. Before I can stop them, they begin pouring out of my eyes and falling rapidly down my cheeks. I sniffle in an attempt to pull myself together, although it doesn't work.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Harry tilt his head to the side, "Are you okay?"

I take in a shaky breath, "Mhmm."

Suddenly, Harry is in front of me, knelt down so we're at eye level. I watch as his face goes from curious, to confused, to concerned all in a matter of a couple seconds. His hands cup my cheeks as his thumbs wipe away my tears. For Harry's sake, I try to pull myself together - he shouldn't have to deal with my mental break down. Nobody should.

I cough quickly, pulling away from his warm hold and wiping my eyes, "I'm fine."

"Cleo," he warns.

"Don't," I whisper.

He takes my hands, "What happened?"

My head shakes back and forth furiously, "It's really nothing. Go back to the party and have fun."

Harry rolls his eyes, "There's no way I could have fun when my girl is out here like this. Did someone upset you?"

I try to say yes but my voice is faulty, only a soft whimper escaping. I squeeze my eyes shut and nod instead, hoping that will suffice as a response.

"Who?" he questions.

I shake my head, not wanting to discuss the matter any further.

Harry leans forward and presses his forehead to mine, "Tell me."

"Cleo," he starts, rubbing circles on my cheek with his thumb, "You can tell me."

I sigh, leaning against his hand, "Ian was just a jerk, I'm overreacting."

Harry's jaw clenches, "What did he do?"

My hands reach up into his curls, calming him down instantly, "Harry, it's fine. I just want to go home."

"Did he touch you?" he growls.

"No," I say firmly, shaking my head.

"Please, can we just go?" I plead.

Harry's face softens when he looks into my eyes and after a few kisses and some more of me playing with his curls, he agrees to let it go. Relief washes over me as his jaw unclenches and the crease between his eyebrows smooths out. I'm thankful there won't be any conflict between Harry and Ian. If provoked, Ian could tell him about Jonah and that's the last thing I want. It's not exactly a secret and I'm sure it will come out eventually, but I don't think I'm ready for Harry to know just yet. As soon as people find out that my boyfriend killed himself they treat me differently, although it's not intentional.