I'm Sorry

9. Guilt

Previous Stuff You Need to Know
That's when Chris let go of Ashley, and let the Wendigo drag him away.
"Go!" He yelled. "Get inside!"
Tears rolling down Ashley's face, she grabbed the doorknob and let herself back into the lodge. She shut the door and locked it behind her, knowing with a heartbreaking certainty that Chris wouldn't be coming back anytime soon.
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Ashley's thought process froze. Her brain couldn't process this new information. Sam was... dead? And it was Ashley's fault? She had been the one to make Sam go out there. There were two people, two friends, two children, two... Lovers? Dead. Because of Ashley. Guilt ate at her.
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Ashley and Emily sat in silence for a moment. Ashley had put on Chris' coat, and Emily had smiled at her sadly.

"You can go if you want," said Ashley.
"What?"
"Tell the others what happened. They deserve to know."
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
"Are you going to stay here?"
"Yeah, it's peaceful."
"Okay. I'll be right back, Ash. I promise."
Emily turned to walk out of the room, and then stopped.
"Promise me you'll still be here when I come back?"
Ashley simply nodded. Emily should've known that a nod is not a promise, only a noncommittal move of assurance. And noncommittal it was.

Emily gave Ashley one last smile, and left the room. She walked towards the main room in a depressing solitude. Beth was sitting on the couch. Mike was across the room, glaring at her. Emily walked over to him.

"Where's Sam? Ashley?" Mike asked as soon as Emily was in whisper distance.
"Ashley's in the other room."
"Sam?"
Emily sighed and shook her head.
"What? What happened?"
"Ashley saw Chris."
Mike smiled.
"She got to see him one last time,"
Emily smiled back.
"Yeah, I guess she did."
Everything was quiet for a moment.
"All of a sudden, we saw this shadow run by the door and then a Wendigo was there. Sam went to distract it, but she wasn't fast enough to get away."
Mike glanced towards Beth.
"How long ago was this?"
"10, 20 minutes. Why?"
Mike's face dropped.
"Beth "went to the bathroom" around that time. Do you think she-"
Emily nodded furiously.

Meanwhile, Ashley sat alone in her room, thinking of every detail of her last moment with Chris.
If it wasn't for me, she thought, he wouldn't be dead. Sam wouldn't be dead. Maybe Hannah wouldn't be dead, and Beth wouldn't be crazy.

WARNING DEPRESSING THOUGHTS

Those people meant so much more than I did. Chris was going to grow up to be an engineer, just like he always dreamed about. I took that away from him like the horrible person I am. Sam would've helped so many people, saved so many lives, because that's what she does. She saves people. She saved me. Even though I didn't deserve it.

I hate myself. Chris' brother will be so sad without an idol to look up to.. He'll be lonely without a big brother to give him advice. I hate that I did that to a person. I don't deserve to be here. Sam and Chris do.

I've done so many horrible things. When I made out with Mike when him and Emily were dating. She'd murder me if she found out. But whatever. She's not going to now.

Ashley stood up slowly, glancing around the room. She saw a pen sitting on top of a nightstand. She picked it up and turned it in her hand. She knew what she needed to do.

Emily walked back to the room where Ashley supposedly was. She pulled open the door and was surprised to see Chris' coat sitting on the bed. Ashley was no where to be seen.

There was a small piece of paper sitting on top of the coat. Emily picked it up and began to read.

Hey Em.
Sorry. I know I said I'd still be here, but I couldn't be left alone with my thoughts.
As for this coat, keep it safe for me, will you? I want it to make it off of this mountain.
I'm really sorry. The guilt was just too much.

Emily sighed, and looked out the door. Sitting in the snow was a beanie with purple and pinkish stripes. Emily began to cry. The worst part of this crying was the people that would usually be there to comfort her are the ones who made her cry in the first place.

Mike waited in the main room for something from Emily and Ashley. Five minutes went by. 10. 15. Mike decided he should go check on them. He knew something bad had happened when he heard the cries coming from the room.

Mike pulled open the door to see Emily sitting on the floor, Chris' coat covering her shoulders.
"Emily," he asked. "What happened?"
Instead of replying, Emily handed Mike the folded piece of paper in her hands.

"Em, I'm so sorry."

The two sat there, simply enjoying the other's presence.

For some reason, the silence led Mike to think about Sam. It hurt him to know she was dead. He had broken up with Jess about a week prior. He wanted to ask her out. He wanted them to be a couple. Sam was so confident, and kind and gentle, and Mike waned nothing more than for her to be his. But that couldn't happen. All he had was that night.

It was a party. Sometime in the past year, after the tragedy with Hannah and Beth. He and Sam had been hanging out a bunch. This was in between when Mike was dating Emily and Jess. Sam and him spent the entire evening together, talking about everything and laughing at nothing.

Mike had never felt as strongly for anyone else as he did about Sam. That night, at the party, everyone went to sleep pretty early. Except for Sam and Mike of course. The two stayed up and drunk longer than everyone else.

At one point in the night, they kissed. Mike had been way over his drink limit, so he didn't really remember who initiated it, but he did remember how good it felt. He remembered the butterflies in his stomach. He remembered being confused about said butterflies because Mike Munroe does not get butterflies.

The days after that, Sam didn't talk to Mike. He didn't know why. Upset at his loss and yearning to replace that feeling he got with Sam, he started going out with Jess. Mike has liked Sam ever since.

But now she was dead.

And Mike couldn't bring her back.