FTM: A Tricky Life

Bad day

Hello..

I really don't know but I think I may be depressed. I've started cutting along with bruising. I really don't think I'm worth it. I don't feel worthy of my friends or anyone that loves me...

I went to karate and saw Mr. Kahn today and I just felt really guilty because I'd cut before going. I feel wrong and weird. Like I've terribly messed up my body. But cutting releases endorphins and makes me happier after. The first time I felt happy all day was after cutting.

There's something wrong with me. I shouldn't be hurting myself but it's hard not to. Half the day I just wanted to cry in a corner alone. But nope. My friends wouldn't leave me alone. I need to be by myself.

Every time I look at something I feel like it will be the last time I see it. I shouldn't be thinking this way.

Maybe I'd be happier as a guy. I don't know, I'd like to think I would but I really don't know my gender yet. I feel stuck. ;-;

But hey guys you're awesome
Please stay awesome
Don't tell yourself anything other than good things.
I need you
You stay,
I stay.
~Sven