FTM: A Tricky Life

Help

A few days ago I had a musical audition for our school. This year we're doing Seusical Jr. I hope I make it but I just realized that if I do I will be getting a girl part because of my voice and looks. ;-;. Now I'm sad.. I hope in high school I can start over so to speak. But as a guy. I'm in eighth grade now so I only have to survive another semester of "she" "her" and whatnot.

Ugh. It seems like such a long time :(

Then there's the possibility of bullying and not being accepted. But I know some people who would accept me. I guess that's an upside.

I talked a bit about karate. That's pretty much my second home. My instructor would understand and I guarantee he would accept me and use the correct pronouns the second I told him. No questions asked. Having this feeling of safety is the best thing ever. Knowing that I can come out to somebody without judgement of any sort. He's a really awesome guy, I look up to him so much. The only sad part is he's helping me through this so much and he doesn't even know it. He's truly one of the best people I know. (If you happen to be reading this just ask me if my birth names wut ever u think it is and il respond with a "yes" or "no".) is it sad that I trust him with this information more than my friends I've know for years? I've only known him for like six months..

But bullying... That's a huge fear I have. I can easily defend myself if needed but it's not physical stuff I'm worried about. It's more emotional damage I'm concerned about. I need to love myself. And to do that I need to become a guy, right? But if people are making me feel bad for being a guy.. Then I wonder if I will ever love myself and be confident in my skin. Maybe I'm over thinking this.

I feel like I'm dragging this on too long.
I can't express how much you're helping me Mr. Kahn. You're really nice and helpful and an inspiration to me.
Thank you so much.
You're truly amazing.

And to anyone else reading this:
You're awesome
Loved.
Talented.
Handsome.
Thanks so much for reading!
~Sven