Wishing for those Moments, Over Again

Chapter 1

Author's note: HI guys!! The story is going to start without Louis but I promise you he'll be in it very shortly! (he is in this chapter btw) Please share, comment, and vote. It'll mean the world to me :) Keep being Fabulouis. x

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*Alice's POV*

"How are you, Alice?" Brandon softly whispered the sudden question; being careful not to disturb the other students who were also studying in the school library. The inquiry caused me to divert my eyes away from the book I was reading. My head swiftly turned to the direction the voice came from. I found him intently peering into my eyes, searching for an honest answer.

I placed my blue bookmark on the page I was reading, and closed the book so I can resume reading it later. I looked back at Brandon. I opened my mouth about to answer the question, but bit my lip to stop myself. "Be honest." He added desperately wanting a sincere response.

I lightly inhaled through my nose. The question he asked sent guilt through my entirety, making me feel like someone pierced a knife through my heart, and quickly pulled the blade out. I wanted to tell him I am okay. But we both know I wasn't.

I sighed deeply as if to gather in words. "I'm not getting better. But I don't know if I'm getting worse." I quietly spoke whilst looking at him; I curiously observed Brandon's face for any trace of disappointment. His expression surprised me. It held worry, not letdown.

I waited for Brandon to say something but he didn't. Instead, he disconnected our eye contact. I watched him as his eyes trailed to my left arm which was resting on the book I was reading. He gently held my left wrist with his right hand; his left hand gently gripping my forearm.

Knowing what he was going to do, I directed my attention to the floor not being able to look at him as he pulled the long sleeve up to my elbow. Brandon sharply inhaled when he took in the image of my left arm. He hastily pulled the sleeve down due to people walking by. I quickly placed my arm on my lap, accompanying my right arm.

After a few seconds, I drew in the courage to slowly return my focus on Brandon's face. I didn't understand why he looked at me with a shocked expression smeared across his face, when he knew damn well I was still addicted to doing this.

But I couldn't deny the hurt in his eyes. Tears were rimming around the edges of my eyes, mostly built up from pain, pity, and guilt.

"I-I'm sorry." Was all my mind could think of to say to him? Flash-backing to every heartfelt moment we shared when he encouraged me to stop the harming act. "I really tried. You know I wanted to stop." I hurriedly whispered. "But I couldn't." Pity.

My head was bowed, my dark brown hair cascaded around the sides of my face, providing me somewhat of shield from Brandon staring at me.

My right hand came up to my face to brush away a single falling tear. "Alice." Brandon's voice was calm and caring. My head slowly rose to look at him. "It's alright." He hushed, bringing me into a hug. After the short embrace, Brandon weakly smiled at me. "I'll drive you home." I nodded in agreement, taking my book and chucking it into my backpack under the table.

***

Brandon was one of my dearest friends, besides Maxine. Those two have seen the side of me nobody else has. They're my biggest support. From boy issues to everything else, they've helped me with so much. They brought the best out of me.

Brandon concealed my vulnerability from everyone else; it was pretty easy due to the fact no one in the entire school can see past my convincing smile. And Maxine is there when I needed to be hidden from the world.

Max and Brandon are the only two people who care and understand me, besides Zach, my older brother but he's in college. And my mom isn't here anymore so I don't know if she counts.