Wishing for those Moments, Over Again

Chapter 2

Every time my feet made contact with the crisp snow under me, I would look back making sure my footsteps were there. Sometimes I feel like I don't exist. I know I'm alive, I just don't think I'm really living. What's life when you're always afraid?

In the corner of my eye I saw some little kids running around in the snow. I turned my head to the left, looking at the playground, which I passed by everyday walking home after school. Seconds later I found myself crossing the street, towards the small playground. I headed straight for the empty set of swings.

My hand swept off the snow which built itself on the black rubber seat. As I sat down on the swing, I exhaled, and closed my eyes trying to block out the laughter and shrieking of the children at the playground. I pulled both of my long sleeves farther out so it would cover my freezing hands, then I grasped the metal chain on either sides of me.

Swinging back and forth lightly, using my legs to push me off the ground, imagining I was a kid again.

"It's getting worse." I thought silently in my head.

"Alice?" My eyes shot opened to find Louis standing in front of me, I stopped swinging.

"What are you doing here?" Louis smiled his hands in his khakis, suspenders over his thick white sweater, his backpack slung over his shoulder.

I stood up from my seat on the swing, "I ... Um... I'm just walking home from school." With that, I exited the playground rather quickly.

"Alice, wait!" I heard Louis call out to me. Stopping in my tracks, I slowly spun around to face Louis once again. He ran up to me, holding his backpack strap with his hand, to secure his backpack in place. I tugged my jacket closer around my chest from the wind as he slowed his pace towards me.

"I'll walk you home." Louis sweetly offered. Just like he read my mind, knowing I was unsure, he said, "It's okay."

"But aren't they your sisters?" I looked behind him at the five fairly young girls running around the playground; from time to time I would see Louis and his sisters here as I walked home from school."Felicite can take care of them for a while." He suggested, hoping for a yes to his offer.

"Nah, it's alright, Louis." I appreciatively smiled, and lightly nodded my head. "Thanks for the offer." A disappointed look replaced his once happy one. The gleam in his eye dimmed a bit. I turned around on my feet and continued to stride away.

"I-I'll see you tomorrow!" Louis' accent rang out in the afternoon, the nervousness apparent in his voice making me stifle a giggle. "See you!" I called back, raising my hand in acknowledgement as I started to walk home once again.

Even after talking, and flirting with a bunch of girls. He's oddly shy with me. I didn't think about the way he acted with me too much because it wouldn't have mattered to me anyways.

***

I breathed out a sigh of relief looking at the stack of completed homework in front of me. I leaned back in my chair, rubbing my eyes, attempting to relax a little after two hours of concentration. The house was empty besides from me, my Dad was probably working, whatever he's doing, I'm just glad he's not home.

My mind wandered by itself for a few minutes before my eyes fluttered open. Consciously, I sat up in my seat, my hand reached across the table for the familiar blue notebook, and the black ink pen next to it. I slid back my chair and stood up with the blue notebook and pen in hand. I strolled over to my bedroom door, twisting the doorknob with my spare hand, and pulling it open.

I made my way out of the house, and to my back deck. When I reached the glass door which separated me from the real world, I couldn't help but to just stand there and stare out in awe at the stillness of the environment. The exposed skin on my arms grew goose bumps due to the cold emitting through the glass door.