Good Girl Gone Wrong

24: Attention seeker

24

I drive myself crazy with how I promised myself I'll never fall in love again, I didn't want to feel the ache in my heart when I see him with someone else smiling as if the world revolves around he two of them. I don't want to cry in the night while reading quotes and thinking of every single scenarios that we could ever be in, I toss around in bed thinking how someday we could become a ' we ' and ' us ' other than just your name and mine. I want to hold your hand and never let go, wondering how our body works when someone whom you yearn for so badly touches you. The tingle in my veins spark to life and you wouldn't know how to react, you'll try to be strong and put up a front in front of him but you're going crazy inside hoping he doesn't find out you're actually afraid. You were known as annoying and noisy, cheerful and loud. But you'd rather be a girl who is friendly, smart, pretty and sporty and how you want the boys to yearn for you.
You want to play around with every single boy who broke your friends heart or revenge on the one you once loved. But looking in the mirror, you'd shake your head and walk away.
He might be talented, he might sing softly and yet everyone hears and gives praises whereas you'll be the one happily singing out loud but yet no one even bothers looking at you, not to mention, twice.
You wished you could be the one who he wants and hopes to win one day but sadly,  we face reality each day.

How about how he teases you each and almost every single day? You can continue dreaming he actually likes your company and wants to get your attention but what if he's just using you so that he can pass time? What if he gossips a little with you but also gossips about you behind your back, what ifs...

You always would tell yourself, ' No, I'll never like him. Never. '
And the next thing you know, you want his attention. You want to talk to him about anything and everything. You wish you actually be his friend but you are still known as aquantiance,  haven't we also always thought about little drama where he suddenly asks you out become of something?
Me too, but I guess we can carry on from where we let off on our little fatansy.
I wish I could one day prove to be a smart, confident and of course, pretty girl.
Definitely, every boy who has a crush is made known to everyone, he'd say: " Her looks are just bonuses, her personality and attitudes is what makes me love her. "

Bullshit.

You could cry tears for him while he'll be smiling for another girl as you both hit your heads on the pillows. You'll think of him asking you out while he thinks on how to ask another girl out.

I'm sorry for breaking the rules, but guess what?

Is part of life,  we live to learn.
We learn the truth, we'll break down and cry.
We'll wake up and tell ourselves that we are strong and make a promise that we would break repeatedly and yet use it as the same excuse we have begun in the first place.

I told myself over and over again that I'll never end up with him. he notices and teases but he never once bothered about her. If she cried in front if him, likely he'll just laugh and walk away.  She never wanted that,  neither does she want to be heartbroken, mentally injured and hurt anymore but yet she's the one making the mistake even though she knows she's doing it.  She's conscience about it but yet she's not doing anything about it.She enjoys the feeling where she feels the excited and rush in her veins and every single blood cell us calling out his name making sound like the most beautiful name on the entire earth and of all of the men on the earth,  she chose Lewis James Anderson.

Lewis James Anderson,  we never really knew whether she liked him. It was never known, maybe he does or maybe he doesn't?
It mysterious how those cliché little stories can make you imagine how it should have been.
Maybe he died in the end someday somehow and she'll cry each and every day until she falls sick and all but she stills wants to smell his scent and talk to him.

But that was the old her, and she wants to end it.

She doesn't want to convince everyone into liking her, neither doesn't she want to force herself into everyone that throws himself or herself onto her but she'll want only to love herself.
She's suppose to care for everyone but she forgot to love  herself and what she needed since kept on concentrating on others.

From that day onwards,  she, Calista Morgans will love herself and place herself.

first.

hi guys!!💗 I'm back, and thus time I have uploaded an 848 word chapter.
I'm putting myself into Calistas life so I could explain her character better and all.
if you have any suggestions, pls doing pm me or dm me through instagram: @/notjolynn or @/j.dione

THANKS YOU!!
jolynn 😇