I Hate You, I Love You { mitch grassi }

XXIII

I guess at some point on the plane ride, I fell asleep, because I woke up to Mitch laughing extremely hard at Parks And Recreation.

He looked at me a gasped slightly, "Sorry, Tom is actually me and I can't contain myself."

I stretched and sat upright, "Okay but I'm April and they hate each other."

He looked between me and the screen.

"I think you're more like Andy and April combined, like if they got married and had a kid," he said.

I laughed, "What season are you on, man?"

"The second one.

"Oh, just you wait.. Just you wait," I chuckled quietly.

I waited out the rest of the flight by marathoning Parks and Rec with Mitch.

This was nice. Finally being able to be happy with someone without feeling guilty.

***

We got off of the plane in Montgomery and decided to just stay in and work on their music.

They recorded songs called Cracked and Misbehavin, and arranged Na Na Na and If I Ever Fall In Love.

Their songs have always been great, but watching them in the process doing what they do is incredible. It was an experience I wouldn't trade for the world.

It suddenly hit me that I was sitting here with the most amazing people I've ever met in my life and watching them create something that will change lives. They were creating magic and now in a part of it.

I admit I was angry at them last week but I've evolved so much. In such a short time I've become someone I'm always going to want to be.

Everyone says you meet famous people and they end up being really huge asshole in actual life. With this group, it was the opposite. I expected them to be cruel people because they were friends with a monster. But it turns out, they're amazing and so is Mitch.

Because I'm sitting here, looking at him, and he is so beautiful. His hair is perfectly framing his face that holds an expression of actual joy. The dim-window light was highlighting every feature, and he looked like a work of art. He's not sexy, he's not hot, he's beautiful. Truly beautiful.

There was no masterpiece that i would rather be with all day, than the one that is Mitch Grassi.

I'd been in denial in the months that we hadn't talked. I thought I was mad at him, but it turned out i was mad at myself. I blamed him for leaving, when I was the one who left. I pushed him out with the fear that he would leave one day. But, being here, being his friend again after all this time, I realized that I just missed him entirely.

All I've really needed is him. I didn't like to think about it, because I would've tried to contact him, but that's what it was.

That's why I was so distant at the concert and when I would be with them all. I needed him and I knew if i got a taste of what he was, I would go after him again and I couldn't have that. I couldn't fall in love with him again.

But we both see how that worked out.

I just hope that he cares about me like I do him, and that he won't leave again. I really really can't lose him again. If I did I don't know what would happen. And I don't really want to think about it.

***

"Showtime, people! Let's go, let's go!" I yelled, herding them all away from the catering.