THOT DIARIES

Entry Thirteen

February 6, 2016

Lemme tell you about the time I came across a small packawhacka, aka, a little ass dick.

Besides Jellybean, I've come across my fair share of tiny dicks many times. It isn't really something I'm proud of but shit happens.

One day, I invited this boy, Jr., over to my house for some of that "grown folk" stuff. And let's just say that he wasn't on his 'grown man' shit.

See me, I expect a lot. My motto has always been Bigger is Better. So when I'm about to go down on you and give you this work, I don't expect for you to pull out a fun size snicker. I want a king size candy bar that I can choke on. My nigga, suffocate me, I don't want to breath.

Jr. obviously did not get this memo and it was evident once I got him to my room. I got him onto my bed and I got his pants off. After I got his boxer shorts down, I really wanted to cry, laugh, and scream all at the same time. When Jr. pulled out his sorry excuse for a dick, I had to regroup myself from all of this disrespect and entrapment (Ladies, before you set up a dick appointment, request a picture because niggas are outchea catfishing with their disrespectful ass dick).

Because I'm so fond of charity work , I went ahead and gave him a lil bit of that lil bit, out of pity.

First and foremost, Jr. was a talker. The worst kind. He was the kind that needed reassurance about his "appearance". Now, I didn't mind the talking. Do whatcha want to keep yourself occupied but don't, under any circumstances, ask me if your dick is big. Especially if its not. You tryna set both of us up. I REFUSE to take that bait. You will not have me looking like an asshole. Got me out here saying the wrong things all because you don't know the difference between an 8-inch and a 3-inch.

I didn't lay down the ground rules with Jr. (mostly because I don't be remembering) but, I wish I would have.

While I was sucking his shrimp meat, he asked me if his packawhacka was big. I was trying to avoid the question by pretending I wasn't listening but, Jr. didn't catch on because he asked a second time. So with my mouth barely full, I replied with a simple "Mhmm."

I felt bad for lying to him but I would've felt worse for telling him the truth. Ain't nobody trying to hear that their dick is the same size of an acorn and I'm not here to ruin anyone's confidence. I'm not that kind of person. I do nice things, like suck little dicks and say that they're big.

I spent the next half hour trying to get him to bust a nut but I think his dick was broken. It had to be because, Honey, I have a PhD in sucking dick. I know how to make the dick spit in two and a half seconds. Jr. had to be the problem. It's completely evident that small things aren't built for such big tasks so, I just gave up and sent him back to his girlfriend. I wasn't about to play with that little boy like that.

After that unfortunate encounter, I started asking for pictures of the dick on hard next to a spoon. These niggas are not about to trick me again.