Killing Me Slowly (Third Book to the Secrets Will Kill You Series)

Heading Down the Road of More Secets and Lies

We got to a motel and Sam took out his laptop while Dean went to change Bobby John's diaper on the bed. I went into the bathroom, locked it and then took out the pregnancy test that I snuck into my pocket from the store. I just stared down at it, still in the box and then I stared back up at myself in the mirror. The thought of being pregnant kind of scared me. I was just learning how to be a mom to Jesse, how could I possibly learn how to be a mom to Jesse and a baby.

"Okay, alright, you know what? I'll pay you money if you sit still" I heard Dean struggle with the diaper.

I was about to walk out there and do it for him but then I heard he managed it on his own. Then, I was able to hear him hum Smoke on the Water as I felt his vibrations echo in the air and I could tell he was mimicking my movements from earlier by bouncing around a little and swaying to get Bobby John to sleep.

"Dean, you're just going to make it cranky again" Sam said.

"Shhh, it's working..." he hissed back...and it was working.

Bobby John stopped crying and I could hear his soft breathing. "Okay, if I put you down, you gonna be a man about it?" he said and I listened as I could tell he set Bobby John down in the crib we had set up for him.

"Huh...you're just, uh, actually, not awful at that" Sam commented.

"Dude, I'm barely keeping that thing alive"

"No, no, no, seriously. You've got a whole Dr. Huxtable vibe coming off of you. Between you and Mel it's the whole Huxtable family theme...you're like...parent material"

"Yeah, well we kind of had to be lately, you know. Sink or swim, right?"

"You mean Jesse"

"Yeah, I mean Jesse. I mean, I know I pretty much haven't been around him his whole life but I do actually feel like his father. Then I think about the way we grew up, I don't know, I kind of feel like I have a chance to do something different with Jesse, you know?"

I smiled at that.

"You sure about that?"

"What do you mean?"

"Look, you clearly care about the kid...and even though I haven;t exactly been around for him, he's still my nephew..."

"But?"

"But moving them all around? Keeping them on lockdown? I mean, you do have Jesse, Abbey and Chris on lockdown, right? How is any of that different from how we were raised?"

"I'm not shoving anybody into this life, okay? This is temporary"

"Dad always said it was temporary, Dean. He said it for 22 years. Look, I get it. You want to watch out for them. That's great. I'm just asking, how do you do that and not turn into Dad?"

Dean didn't respond to that though...so I took that as my cue that it was okay to walk out now. "Crap. I can't believe I missed this" Sam said, looking at something he found.

"What?" I asked.

"This house on Elm. The mother was killed, baby was grabbed, but daddy wasn't living in the house at the time so he's still alive. What do you say we go and have a chat?"

"I say lets" Dean said.

But, then we all looked at Bobby John, laying in the crib. "You guys go. I'll stay" I said. 

"You sure?" Dean asked.

"Unless you've got a badge for Bobby John, then yeah, I'm sure" I said.