Unpredictable - A Harry Styles Fan-Fic

Chapter 29

Wanting something you knew you couldn't have was probably the worst feeling ever. I wanted Harry. I wanted to feel his lips against mine. I wanted to feel the love we both possessed that was radiant on both of our faces whenever we were together. I wanted to feel him.

But there was something I wanted more than my own satisfaction and that was to make him happy. His happiness was the closest I could come to my own in a situation like this.

Ever sense Harry left me, the day's and weeks have just been one gloomy, dark cloud that couldn't have been described as anything but depressing. Ha. That's honestly the story of my life.

It was raining outside right now, the clouds a thunderous dark grey that matched how I felt. I was holding Harry's necklace, his silver airplane and thinking about what he'd said that day when we realized our feelings toward one another. How he couldn't loose me.

I felt a tear trickle down my cheek as the door to the large bedroom creaked open. I twisted my head and saw Lilah leaning against the door, sympathy being the main emotion in her eyes. Her chestnut hair was framing her face in a perfect manner and her eyes were focused on me, forcing the sisterly love into me.

"Hey" she murmured, stepping inside. "Hi" I whispered and watched as she dropped onto the floor next to me. "You okay?" I chucked, "Have I ever been 'okay' these past 3 months?" Her laugh was humorless. "Good point."

I didn't know how to answer that so I choose not to, and we sat there in comfortable silence. Lilah was the first to break it though, "Do you want to talk about it?" For the first time in the last few months, I contemplated it. Everyday it'd been the same question, followed by the same answer, which was No.

But I changed my mind. I needed to talk about this.

"Yes" I glanced at Lilah, she didn't seem overly surprised but she silently urged me on with her soft honey eyes.

"I... I love him" I breathed, voice hardly audible. Lilah smiled, "I know" ignoring her comment, I continued, the words pouring from my mouth without complete consent.

"He makes me feel alive. Like before Harry came along, everything was in dull and unfocused colors, it sort of felt like I wasn't experiencing life to my fullest potential. But then I met him. Everything changed. My life changed, I wasn't boring anymore because he made me happy, I couldn't not smile when I was around him because he was the only thing worth being happy about. I saw everything in a brilliant, sharp contrast of colors. But... But-" I choked momentarily but continued, I needed to get this out.

"When he left, everything lost it's luster. I was horrible and it was my fault that he left me. Now, I have no purpose for smiling. I want to say I'm numb, but that would imply that I don't feel anything, which is partially true. I don't feel happiness... Excitement... Anything that would make me smile, I can't feel. But pain? Hurt? Heartbreak? I feel those, and they're in full force. Once he left, all the color I saw in left, it's all in bleak whites, blacks and grays... And I'm so sick of it. I need him." I was sobbing by now as Lilah held me and rubbed her hand down my arm.

I wasn't expecting what happened next though, and it was suddenly a world swarmed with confusion.

"You'll always have me" the gruff voice spoke from behind me. I knew that voice too well. It was the voice I'd replayed in my head these last few months. I turned around and saw those green eyes that were always in my head, and where staring back at me when I closed my eyes.

I sobbed more but didn't move because it was Harry standing in the door way.