"Savannah..?" I heard Stiles call my name as i turned around, looking at him. He still had that goofy look in his eyes, the kind that first made me fall for him. He was so pure, and kind, and I loved him so much. I wanted him to stay this way forever, I didn't want him to be pulled into my darkness. I didn't want him to have to take care of me like a project, I wanted him to be happy and live his life and not be dragged into my mess.
Derek was right; if I loved Stiles then I would put his feelings above mine. It would be selfish to ask him to stay with me, wait for me even though I knew it wasn't safe for him. I loved Stiles so much, I wanted the best for him and that wasn't me. Not right now, not in this state.
"You sounded worried over the phone, thought something happened.." Stiles continued saying as he walked up to me, trying to press a kiss to my lips but I quickly turned away. Stiles looked at me confused, asking me what was wrong.
I bit my bottom lip, feeling tears form in my eyes. "Stiles, we need to talk.."
Stiles looked at me confused. "Wh-what's wrong? Why does it sound like you're breaking up with me again..?"
"Because I am." I said simply. I was trying not to drag this out, not wanting this to hurt anymore. I was going to rip it off like a bandage.
"No you're not." Stiles was in denial. God, why did this have to be so hard? Because I'm in love with him obviously. I was letting him go though, to give him his best chance. I want him to be happy, it's all I've ever wanted.
"Yes, I am. Stiles, we're not together..We haven't been together in a long time and we've just been fooling ourselves.." I tried explaining but Stiles still kept talking over me, telling me how we were going to fix this and we'd be okay. "Stiles, stop!" I suddenly snapped, making him look at me. I sighed, feeling bad for snapping at him but I needed to push him away. i had to do it to keep him safe. "Look, I care about you..I really do but we're not the same people we were last year. We're different, we changed. I changed..I'm no good for you and you deserve your best chance at happiness. I want you to go find that chance.."
"I have, it's you." Stiles argued.
"No, it's not." I quickly shook my head, taking note at the heart breaking look in his eye. "I made mistakes, did things that there's no forgiveness for..I wish i can take it all back but i can't, and I don't want to. We can't..- I don't want to be with you."
Once i said that last sentence, Stiles looked completely broken and I felt like dying just looking at his sad expression. I thought for a second that I heard his literal heart break from the words I spoke. But derek was right, if I kept Stiles around, he was going to get hurt.. I was going to hurt him and I was not going to let that happen.
"I don't- I don't understand.." Stiles voice cracked.
I bit my bottom lip, turning away from him. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and took a deep breath, still keeping my back towards him. "I don't want to be with you anymore, I don't want to see you..I want you to leave me alone, i don't want you coming by Derek's anymore..I'm leaving..- and I don't know if or when I'm coming back. All I know is that I don't want you to wait for me, I don't want to be with you.. not anymore."
"No, I don't believe it. I love you and you love me. Look me in the eyes and tell me the truth, tell me you love me..-" Stiles tried saying but I turned around, looking him directly in the eyes.
I felt my heart skip a beat when our skin made contact but I had to stay strong. Derek was right, I needed to keep Stiles away. If I wanted to get better that meant keeping him at a distance. I wanted him to be happy, but I don't know if it can be with me.. at least not anymore. I don't deserve him, i don't know if i ever have..
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Monster » (Stiles Stilinski)[Book 3]
Fanfiction"I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me. A monster, a monster,I've turned into a monster,A monster, a monster, And it keeps getting stronger..." Savannah Knight has been dealt a difficult hand. Turning into a werewolf at the age of nine, goin...