Monster » (Stiles Stilinski)[Book 3]

Cloudy Visions

I was sitting there in Derek's loft after coming back from a gruesome exercise Derek was putting me through in order to help me get back in control. God, I hated being back to this stage. I hated not being in control and I hated the feeling that I could snap at any moment and hurt those closest to me. I sighed as I stepped further into Derek's loft which had now become a home for me, well more like the pack's batcave. 

I walked towards where the kitchen was, opening the fridge and taking out a bottle of alcohol as I popped it opened and started walking towards the window. I stared out at the night sky, admiring how it looked as I took a huge gulp. It burned my throat but it sort of took some of the edge off. I took this opportunity to let a couple of tears fall from my eyes as I thought about it, all of it. 

the pain, stiles, everything.. 

I wanted it all gone. I needed something, anything, to be able to take the pain away...But as the days grew longer and days turned to weeks into months, it seemed like it was never ending..It seemed like there was no way that the pain would stop... like there was no one who could stop the pain...

"I never really took you as a problem drinker." I heard from behind me as i turned around and noticed it was Isaac. I rolled my eyes as I turned my back towards him again, not wanting to look at him. My makeup was messed up, I was still all torn up from my training session with Derek and frankly, I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to be alone. 

"what the hell do you want Lahey?" I asked him, not turning around to look at him but I saw his reflection in the window stepping closer to me. I suddenly felt his hands rest on my shoulders as he didn't say anything, and I was grateful he didn't. He used one of his hands to grab the bottle from me, taking a quick gulp before setting it down on the table next to us, before bringing his other hand back to my shoulders. I let out a small sigh which turned out to be more of a cry as I felt Isaac give my shoulders a little squeeze. 

"Everything's going to be okay. You're going to be okay.." He whispered to me while I didn't say anything. All I did was bring a hand up to place over his on my shoulder, letting it rest there as I closed my eyes, tears falling. "You're stronger than all of this.." 

"no, i'm not.." I spoke without opening my eyes. "I feel like all the pain is trying to explode out of me..I wonder...if it'll be easier if I just..didn't come back..if I just like went to sleep and didn't wake up.." 

"Don't you ever talk like that." Isaac looked at me, a hint of anger in his eyes as he forced me to look at him. "You..you are stronger then all of this. You'll get through this..."

"How can you be so sure..? i cant even close my eyes or go to sleep without having nightmares..how am I supposed to get better...?" I asked him, letting the tears fall from my eyes. Normally, I would have never let anyone see me cry but I think the little bit of alcohol in my system calmed me down to the point where i didn't feel the need to hide it. But normally, with Isaac, I never felt the need to try and keep my walls up because being the little pain in the ass that he is would just knock them down.

"Because I believe in you.." Isaac laughed. "You'll get through this, I'll see it through.. I wont let anything or anyone hurt you..that's a promise.."  

Hearing Isaac say those words reminded me of Stiles and just like that it hurt all over again. But it was weird hearing it from Isaac. Isaac was loyal and I knew that deep down inside, I knew that he meant what he said. Which only made it all the more weird. For the past couple of months, I can't deny Isaac and me got closer, closer than i ever thought possible. He was there for me when I had no one and I felt like i would rather die then keep going through this pain, but he always assured me that I was stronger. That I just had to keep fighting.