Silence || FourTris

Chapter Four

Song for this chapter - Heart Wants What It Wants by Selena Gomez.

"I know i'm acting a bit crazy, strung out, a little bit hazy, hand over heart, i'm praying that i'm gonna make it out alive."

Tris.

"I-I.. Tobias, I love you." Is all that comes out of my mouth after his long, sentimental speech. I had lots of fears for our relationship, but after his speech, many of my fears have dissipated. Although a few remain. A few.

"I love you, too. I always will." He then takes my hand & kisses the top of it. I feel happiness course throughout my veins.

Have you ever felt like you've been addicted to someone? Have you ever felt like they live in your mind? In your thoughts, memories, & constant daydreams? That's how Tobias makes me feel. I love him so much, & I could never stop even if I wanted to.

"Hi, i'm.. Delia. Sorry for the wait. What would you like to drink?" A tall brown haired girl with a big smile flicks her eyes from me to Tobias, & her eyes widen & her smile disappears.

"We'll have the champagne."

"Um, Tobias I-"

"Just go with it." Tobias cuts me off, yet again. I just nod my head.

"Okay. I'll um.. go get that for you." She then scurries off. I don't know if i'm just imagining this, but she looked nervous. Really nervous. And her aura changed drastically when her eyes landed on Tobias.

"She looked nervous." I state simply, picking at my cuticles. I'm probably imagining this. Jealousy is a big hamartia of mine.

"Yeah.." Tobias stares at our entwined hands on the table, nodding to himself. He looks nervous himself, & that sets an alarm off inside of me. I certainly couldn't have said something that would offend him, so what is it?

"Tobias, what are you hiding from me?" Cautiously, I remove my hand from his. If we're going to work out our problems, we need to be honest. Nothing but honest.

"Nothing. It's ah.. nothing. I'm fine." He says, trying to grab my hand again. His gaze averts to Delia coming toward us with our drinks. He keeps his eyes on her, scanning her up & down for a few seconds.

"What the fuck? I'm your wife & you're checking her out? You claim that you want to fix our marriage, yet you do this shit! I should never have come here. I'm going home." I stand up, disgusted that I agreed to go out with him tonight. I grab my purse, watching Tobias stand up also.

How could he do this to me? I love him with all my heart & he does this to me. It appears as though the speech he gave me was full of lies. I don't know how much longer I can take this. Living in lies, I feel like such a fool.

I walk fast throughout the restaurant, ignoring the stares of many as white hot anger - that was happiness just a few minutes ago - courses throughout me. Tobias is fast, but dodging waiters & tables is hard for him & his muscular figure. He calls my name out a few times, but I ignore him.

What did I ever do to deserve this? All of this pain? All throughout my life, pain has followed me. I'm sick & tired of it. I was always a good child, never got into trouble, but yet I have received so much.. bullshit in my life. Pain. Anxiousness. Pain. Anxiousness. I feel them on a daily basis, haunting my thoughts.

I make my way out to the darkened night. The fresh air is a relief. I hear footsteps behind me, nearing me. I make my way to the car & stand beside the driver's side. I look up at the sky for a brief moment, black tears - due to makeup - fall onto the pavement below. My hand dips inside of my purse, feeling the cool medal of the car keys in my fingertips.

Yes, I can leave.

I pull the keys out of my purse & unlock the car doors. But i'm too late, because Tobias is already at my side, grabbing my wrist.

"Let me go, you--"

"Tris, she was only an ex girlfriend of mine."

"--Hurt me! I can't believe you." I stop, my brain registering what he just said.

Ex girlfriend? How does he remember her after that many years? "Ex...girlfriend?" I ask, my voice strained.

"Yes, Delia is my ex girlfriend. And I wasn't checking her out. She...she used to have anorexia. I was making sure she was okay." I gasped in shock, & lowered my eyes in guilt.

And now I feel like shit. Because I should've known better than to think Tobias would hurt me. He is not a liar.

"Oh, I- Tobias, i'm sorry. You know how I am. I have my moments. Is she better?"

"Yeah, she is." He answer plainly. He is upset about my overreaction. I can tell. Although he isn't showing his anger, it is there, building inside of him like a force.

"Just say what you want to say now. We can't have another argument. Not like this." I say, prepared for the truth to be thrown in my face. I was wrong to just leave, & that poor girl probably thinks i'm some self centered bitch whose life revolves around her husband.

"What upsets me, Tris, is that you thought I was checking out another woman. A woman that isn't you. The only person that I want to check out is you & only you. You also upset me because I basically renewed my fucking vows in there, & you just chose to forget all of that when you saw me looking at Delia." I lower my eyes again to the pavement. I've ruined the night.

"I know. I know," I start. "I let my jealousy get the best of me. I'm sorry." He nods, putting his hands in his pockets.

"I just want to leave." He states after a minute of waiting.

"Where to?"

"Somewhere far. Somewhere I can just drive. With you. Where we are by ourselves."

"Then what are we waiting for? Lets go." He stares at me dumbfounded before I run to the passenger side of the car, my dress flowing behind me.

---

We drive fast down the road. I stick my head out of the window & enjoy the feeling of the wind in my face & hair.

These are the moments that I live for. When you don't have a care in the world.

He said, "let's get out of this town, drive out of the city, away from the crowds,"

I thought, "Heaven can't help me now, nothing lasts forever."

The song fills the car, & it perfectly depicts our situation right now. Here we are, on the brink of a divorce, driving through the country fields when we clearly have work tomorrow, like a couple of mad people.

Because try as we might, we are not okay.

But we will be.

Maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow.

But we will be.

---

Double update! Had school off today!

-Jaide.