Silence || FourTris

Chapter Five

Song for this chapter - All Eyes On You by St. Lucia.

"Cause I hope we'll never have to take back what we said in the night, I hope that I will always have all eyes on you."

Tobias

Next Saturday.

I walk into the bedroom that Tris and I share, leaning against the door with my arms crossed as I watch her spread out on the bed, scrolling through her phone.

I feel the frown tugging at my lips as my eyebrows furrow. She's always on her phone these days.

Sometimes I feel the urge to rip it from her hands and get her to spend time with me. But the thing is, I want her to want to spend time with me- I don't want to force her into it.How will I know if she's actually enjoying my company if I'm forcing her into spending time with me all the time? It wouldn't prove anything to me.

And that's what I need; proof that she still loves me. Of course she tells me she loves me all the time, but I'm not so sure the love she feels for me is as strong as it used to be.

I feel like I'm not enough for her at times and that I'm not doing the best job at showing her that I love her...

I mean, when was the last time we did something together that was just for fun? The only time we go on dates or even have meaningful talks with one another is when we are either making up after a fight or being told by our therapist that we need to spend more time with each other, which was exactly what happened a few days ago.

And I agree with our therapist- we do need to spend more time together, do the fun things couples are supposed to do because they love each other, not because we feel obligated to, but because we love each other deeply, to the point where we can't stand to be separated.

All of this should be done because of the love we share.

And we will spend more time together, because I want her to know that I'm not going to give up on us. But that's not the only reason...

I need to be reminded of what it feels like to be the center of someone's world, to know that they love you deeply and unconditionally with all their heart and would never in a million years give up on you, no matter what.

Tris gave me a taste of what that felt like, but I don't want just a small taste... I want it all, for it to consume me completely so I don't have to feel like I could lose her at any moment.

The thought of her leaving me makes me feel helpless; like the nightmare of losing her, isn't a nightmare after all...

Just a harsh reality.

>>

20 minutes later, I'm out of the shower and in a grey pair of sweatpants.

I throw on a black t-shirt as I make my way out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, where I see that Tris is curled up on the bed, her eyes closed.

I quietly make my way over to her figure, trying to climb into bed without waking her. But as soon as the bed dips, her eyes flutter open.

I lay on my side so we are face to face. She gives me a small smile and says in a quiet voice, "Hi."

I smile back. "Hey." She lets out a yawn, covering it with the palm of her hand. "Did I wake you?"

"No, I've just been laying here, trying to fall asleep," she says. I raise my eyebrows.

"You're tired? It's barely two in the afternoon."

She shakes her head at me and says, "No, not tired. Just bored." she rolls onto her back and looks up at the ceiling, sighing loudly.