Come With Me

Chapter 1

Dear Diary,

I'm back at Holby ED after having just been to Saint James' to collect the results from the screening I had last week. Just as predicted - Stage Three Breast Cancer. People are right when they say doctors make the most difficult patients; I was so stupid! I should have noticed earlier. I should've noticed the signs. It was my own fault, as I've been working myself so hard recently to the point where I don't even have time to reply to my own daughter's text messages, let alone check myself for obvious signs. I dedicate my life to working in the ED, and even more so now that Henrik Hanssen has decided to rear his ugly face downstairs more often. Always such a shame to see him, but especially when all he does is criticise me and my department - sometimes, my staff may struggle, but we manage to cope perfectly well without his input. I've never liked the man, and now I see him much more often than I want to. However, about the cancer, of course they told me it was incurable and that I'm past the point of recovery. There's a large tumour and the cancer has spread to twelve lymph nodes under my arm. There's a swelling on my chest, only its scarcely visible, and I've been offered two treatment options, but we both know that neither will work, and so I opted for them just to leave me be and let me enjoy my final years as I've enjoyed the rest of my life... Working, and dealing with difficult patients (and sometimes difficult staff too). I don't want anyone's sympathy. I've never been that sort of woman. I debated whether or not to tell Charlie about my diagnosis, but he saw me today and he looked more stressed than I'd ever seen him before. I've done the rest of this on my own - I don't see why that should change now.

As I mentioned the staff before, I feel like I ought to mention a particular staff member that seems to have caught my eye for all the wrong reasons. Mr Masters is an intelligent, well-trained nurse, who happens to be extremely good with his patients, but I can't work in the same room as him. He's attractive, sure, but I know it's something deeper. I look at him and I feel myself burning up. I mean, I'm pushing 45, and he's clearly only in his late thirties. He's a nurse - I'm the Clinical Lead. Is my diagnosis driving me to lose my mind as well? I shouldn't look twice at him, but for some reason, I'm looking back as often as I can. I suppose now my diagnosis has been confirmed, it gives me all the more reason to stay away from him. I just don't know how long I can cope with working with him.

Connie.

She just finished writing in her diary and had placed it back in her drawer when there was a knock on her office door. She rolled her eyes and pulled a random file off of her stack of paperwork to make it look like she was working, and called for whoever was at the door to come in.

"Mrs Beauchamp, you're needed in resus. Major RTC just in." Noel informed her, before leaving her be. Connie stood up, grabbed her stethoscope, adjusted her shirt, and walked out of her office with her signature Louboutins clicking on the polished surface. She entered resus and Ethan was performing CPR on the patient. Connie glanced at the readings on the monitor before she picked up the patient file to skim through the rest of the medical information briefly. Only when she looked up from the file did she realise what she was actually dealing with, and she felt sick as she noticed. Jacob. She was about to treat Jacob. She walked over and got ready to take over CPR, and snapped at a few of the staff to gather some equipment, as she silently begged Jacob to wake up. As she moved to take over from Ethan, she noticed a deep purple bruise over Jacob's side.

"Hold on, what's that?" She asked, her fingers trailing lightly over the mark.

"I have no idea," Ethan confessed, and Connie rolled her eyes.

"You mean to tell me that you didn't notice this?" She asked, and treated Ethan to one of her special, icy gazes. "Please tell me you've done an echo?" He remained quiet, and the assisting nurse passed over the equipment for Connie to complete the process. She found that he had broken a rib too, and with his collapsed lung too, it was blocking his airway. Though she knew it wasn't ideal, Connie was forced to operate, and had to clear the passage before they could even attempt to bring him back. Not long later, Connie had finished, and they finally received an output from Jacob 45 minutes after he was admitted. Connie sighed, took off her gloves, and dismissed the rest of the staff as she filled in a few notes on his file. She wanted to sit by his side until he woke up, but she had work to do, so she just smiled and left the room, knowing that she'd quite possibly saved his life that morning. She walked into Cal upon leaving, and heard him talking about Jacob's accident with Nurse Miller, so Connie thought it was a perfect opportunity to find out what happened.

"Doctor Knight, a word, please?" He followed Connie into her office, and she was a little confused as to why he walked a few paces behind her, when there was plenty of room for him to walk beside her. She unlocked her office, then sat down by her desk, offering the seat opposite to him. "I believe you have some details of the accident that Staff Nurse Masters was involved in today." She said, opening her document.

"Not really," he said, and Connie rolled her eyes. "All I know is that he was over the limit."

"Drinking limit?" Connie asked - dumbfounded - and her heart dropped a little at the thought of Jacob being so reckless and irresponsible.

"No, no," he assured her, and a slight smile crossed his face. "Speeding limit. He was driving at 60 on a 30mph road."

"Why on Earth was he doing that?" She asked, still shocked, though of course she would have noticed if he had been drunk, as she had all his results for the surgery.

"Not a clue." Connie didn't reply for a few seconds, then shook her head and looked back up to Caleb.

"How do you know this?" She asked, and he shifted in his chair.

"Just picked it up," he stated nonchalantly. Connie just thought a little about the situation, and nodded to Doctor Knight, who watched her for a few seconds while she thought. She stood up, told him that that was all, and then thanked him before stepping forward to open the door. As her hand was about to clasp the handle, he reached out and stopped her, causing her to look up into his eyes. "What if that wasn't all?" He asked, and stood with his back against the door.

"Doctor Knight, I'd appreciate it if you would leave." She realised that he had probably been walking behind her before so that he could look at her arse, and the thought disgusted her, though she had to try and maintain professional throughout.

"I like you, Connie," he said, and then stepped forward to bring his arms around her. His face leant down to hers, and their eyes locked for a couple of moments, before she stepped away, shaking her head.

"I'm sorry, Doctor Knight. I could never reciprocate those feelings." He nodded, and stepped back, apologising profusely.

"There's someone else?" He asked, and Connie couldn't deny the fact that there was another person on her mind, and especially at this moment, he was the only one she could think about. Cal nodded in understanding, then left Connie's office, leaving her stood in the centre. She didn't like Cal very much as a person, and so she certainly wasn't going to be convinced by his somewhat boyish charm that seemed to impress all the girls he stepped near. However, Jacob and his beautiful, strong, defining muscles drew Connie in, and she found herself thinking about how she would feel encased in his arms.

She treated several more patients over the course of the day, and her shift finally ended at 6pm when the hospital was finally getting a littler calmer, as it had been hectic all day. She had only visited her office twice, and that was only briefly to avoid bumping in to Henrik on her way around the department. After the day she'd had, he was the last person she wanted to see. However, the person she did want to see was upstairs, and so she decided to check in on him before she left to go home. As she walked in to ICU, she saw Jacob wired up to the machine, lying on the bed lifelessly, and it pulled on her heart to see him in such a state. As she approached him, she picked up his documentation, and scanned over some of the information, before glancing at his outputs on the monitor, which were beeping steadily. The rest of the room was silent, and so Connie sighed to herself, and slipped her hand onto Jacob's cheek, lightly moving her thumb across it.

"What have you done to yourself?" She sighed, smiling fondly, and pulled her hand back soon later. As she did, her fingertips grazed against some stubble on his lower cheek, and she stopped, looking at him, lying there peacefully, before leaning forward and planting a gentle kiss to his cheek. "Get well soon, Staff Nurse Masters," she whispered, before turning on her heel and leaving him to go home.

She walked through the ED, with a slight smile on her face, and then climbed on to her motorbike as it purred into action. She set off home, all the while her mind was occupied by Jacob, and she spent the night thinking about how perfect her life with him could have been, if she had a life worth living anymore. Connie felt defeated for the first time in her life - the cancer had beaten her and by offering Jacob to her, it was just rubbing it in. She knew that she could potentially have a few years with him, in complete bliss, but how selfish would that have been? She knew that if she had any genuine feelings for him, she had to just let them go, for his sake more than anything else, and that was more painful than anything else she had to face.