Smile at a Stranger (1D/ Niall)

fucked up

I've been on vacation and I'm all panicky because of school soon and summer work, so if you leave comments it really makes me want to post faster and more often.  I love you all who put up with me by the way :)

And this video made me cry becuase it makes you look at the boys like you used to when you first became a fan.  Adn it makes all the daily drama disappear.  

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Chapter 17

Summer's POV

"I wanted to tell you both this when I first met you, but I couldn't really bring myself to do it."  I dug my hand into the sand we were sitting on.  "I've had a really rough year."  I whisper.  The wind gently blows on my face.  "I just like... used to cry myself to sleep every night for months." I look down at my lap. 

 Louis' arm goes around me and pulls me into him.  Composure.  Composure.  I keep thinking.  "I just wasn't happy anymore."  I gulp.  Harry scoots closer to me and grabs my hand gently.  "And just seeing a picture of you guys smiling, would make me smile." I look out at the ocean. 

"Out of everyone in the world, I figured you would understand."  I'm never good at talking about sensitive things.  "And thinking of finally telling you these things in person was all that kept me going."  Louis holds me tighter and kisses the top of my head.  I sit trying to stop these sad thoughts.  All the horrible memories.  "But I'm not better."  Harry kisses my cheek softly.  "I don't deserve to be here.  Or talking to either of you."  I whisper hoping they didn't hear.

"You deserve to be here."  Louis whispers in my ear.   His voice, out of breath and soft.  "And you don't deserve to feel like that."

A tear rolls down my left cheek.  "All I want is someone to tell me that I'm going to be ok."  I cuddle into Louis' chest.  "I hate acting.  I just want to be happy again."  I've never cried in public.  I've never shown weakness around anyone.  I've never told anyone my secrets. 

"You will be." Harry softly rubs circles on my back, while Louis' arms just hold me close.

"Niall will-"

"No!"  They stop comforting me, as I shout and sit back up abruptly.  "He doesn't understand!" I wipe the stupid tears. 

"What do you mean?" Harry asks with innocent eyes.

"He doesn't get it.  He doesn't get me."  I cover my face with my hands.

"Why do you say that?"  Louis tries to look me in the eye.

"He thinks he understands but he doesn't.  No one can understand what it's like."  My bottom lip starts to shake again.  "I just... found reassurance thinking that both of you were the only ones who would." I put my hands in my lap and keep my eyes shut.

"We do."  Harry goes to hold my hand again.

"And we're here for you ok?" Louis rubs my back hesitantly.

"I know.  It's just... Niall."  My breathing catches.  "He doesn't understand that I'm not this happy person all the time." I feel both of their encouraging stares. "I mean sure, he makes me happy, but I don't think he'll help me get through this like one of you would." 

"I just don't think Niall has shown that side to you yet, Summer."  Louis tells me softly. "He really cares about you, and he's quite sensitive to these things."

"Then why didn't he help you guys get better?"  Some of my bitterness gets directed at them.

"What?"  Slips out of Harry's mouth.  The two boys exchange looks over me.  I look up and watch their eye contact.