A Love That Consumes

Chapter 12

I quickly pick up the picture of Trevor and I that fell out of my journal from the floor, push it back inside, and head back to mom and dad.

''Ready?" Dad asks keeping one supporting hand on mom's back.

I nod my head and take one last look behind me as I continue walking outside.

This is going to be an unforgettable year. Not the kind of unforgettable that you would look back to and say "I wish I can repeat that year". It is the type of unforgettable that you will never want to look back to anyway.

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1 week, 7days. It's been one week since the tragic loss of my brother, and now I have to attend the funeral of a person I thought I would never lose.

Those seven days were the worst seven days I've ever had to live through. I wish I can say survive, but I did not exactly survive the pain. I just kept praying for it to go away.

I seemed to forget partially what was going on while I was in the coma. The only thing I could remember was going back home after being unconscious for a while. Mom and dad weren't holding up with all of this but they were too busy with getting the funeral put together, and informing everyone back home.

I wanted to keep my mind off the funeral, but it was too late. The day was here, and I was petrified of my emotions being uncontrollable.

Once we are all dressed, my dad takes a deep breath and looks at me. I can see the pain behind his eyes. Behind the eyes that look exactly like Trevor's eyes. He is holding so much inside. He never speaks about his feelings, and now I can see where I inherit that from.

"Lana, it's going to be okay" he wraps his arms around me and from the corner of my eye, I catch mom trying to smile at us.

I want to tell him that it isn't going to be okay. I want to tell him that deep down we all know it's never going to be the same.

Instead I just let myself be comforted by him, and exhale intensely. "It will"

It's scary how one moment you are living your life and the next something unpredicted clatters all your happiness down. No matter how hard you try to rebuild that happiness it isn't possible because the only person who could help you with that is no longer present to do so.

I take a look around me and there are so many people I hardly know. Some I have never even seen. I find Abbey in the crowd and I question whether she actually is here.

I turn around to my mom and whisper to her "Why didn't you tell me Aunt Cheryl was coming with Abbey?"

"I did but you were probably on medication and forgot. Go say hi to your cousin now."

I approach her and the moment I meet her eyes it brings back memories of the three of us.

Trevor, Abbey, and I.

Trevor yelling at us every time we had our faces in the air conditioner because he claimed we would get sick, Trevor laughing at my lame jokes, Abbey telling me it'll always stay this way.

I miss you Trevor.

"Lana" Abbey taps my shoulder and I realized she was talking while I was zoning out into the life I will never have again.

"I miss you Abbey" I hug her tightly, and let myself cry.

"Lana look at me" her voice sounds broken. I know she does not have the words to make me feel better because she has to know what I'm going through. She's Abbey.

Abbey is not just my cousin. She's more than that. She's like a sister, my best friend. We grew up together, we went on adventures together. We took risks for each other. We did everything together, and now we have to go through this together. But this is different. Trevor isn't here with us. It was always the three of us going through something hard together because Trevor never let me experience pain by myself but now he's not here.