Remember How I Love You (Sequel to 'Through Fire and Water')

A Gift

Ana's P.O.V.

Sleep doesn't come easy tonight. In fact it barely comes at all.

This room, which made me feel safe and secure a couple of days ago, now makes me feel trapped. My ankle throbs all night, a constant reminder of why I'm not home right now. I can't tell if it's hurting so much because I'm thinking about it, or if I'm thinking about it because it's hurting. Whichever it is, it doesn't hurt enough to distract my mind from thoughts of home, and that hurts more than my ankle ever could.

By the time morning rolls around I've slipped into numb blankness. It's not sleeping but it's not thinking either, and that's all that matters really.

I'm jolted from my state of non-thinking by a clatter coming from somewhere else in the house, followed by a muted curse as Hellebore drops something which sounds like crockery. And with that, I'm thinking again. Only, now that it's morning and my foot has been still long enough not to be hurting right now, I allow my thoughts to drift away from home and back to here, to the person in the room on the other side of the wall. Hellebore said we'd talk more today about him taking me back. But yesterday's conversation about it was so hostile that I'm unwilling to repeat the experience. Hellebore has been incredibly good to me, without him I would probably have died at the bottom of that ravine. I don't want to offend him.

Why would he keep me here anyway? He'd take me home if he could, I know he would. There's no need for me to keep pushing him, it's just going to cause unnecessary friction. Besides, I don't have a right to demand anything from him, I'm his guest and I owe him everything, he owes me nothing at all.

And so I decide, for what may be the first time in my life, I'm going to be good and do as I'm told.

Shortly after I have made this decision, Hellebore enters the room carrying something long and wrapped in a cloth. "Good morning" he says, and I echo it.

"Things were a little bitter yesterday, I wanted to apologise" he says.

"It's not for you to apologise, I was unreasonable. You only want to help, I know that, and I'm sorry"

"It seems we are on equal ground once more then" Hellebore says with a smile "No hard feelings"

"None at all" I confirm, returning his smile. Air cleared, I turn my attention to whatever it is Hellebore is carrying. "What is that?"

"It's a present" he replies, holding it out to me "Here"

"Oh, thank you"

I carefully unwrap the cloth from it, first revealing what appears to be couple of wooden poles but eventually uncovering a pair of very simple crutches.

"You seem adamant that you're going to be independently mobile, I thought this way you could at least be so without doing too much more damage"

"Thank you" I say, leaning up from my position in bed to hug him tightly.

"Don't mention it" he says, brushing it off modestly "Now let's get you up, I want to make sure you're ok with them"

I swivel in bed and hang my feet out over the edge, keeping them off the floor. I place the crutches first, making sure they're not about to slip out as I slowly transfer my weight from the bed, onto the crutches. Hellebore offers to help me as I put my good foot down but I decline, even though the muscles in my leg cry out briefly when I transfer my weight onto it. I'm determined to do this myself, and I soon find the right balance of weight distribution between my functioning limbs.

Once I'm balanced, the rest is easy. I'm familiar with crutches, and once I feel the padded rests digging into me and the accompanying discomfort I am instantly at ease. Walking with crutches is like riding a horse, once you learn how to do it you never forget.

Hellebore watches me but stands very close, clearly not sure I'm going to be able by myself right away. However, as I take my first steps it soon becomes clear that I'm perfectly capable.

"You've used crutches before" he says.

"Yeah. It was quite a few years ago, back when the woods were still sick and everything wanted to kill you. I ended up in a fight with some unsavoury characters and got a bit stabbed. I needed crutches after that, although eventually, when I was only using one, it was brought to my attention that it was more of a psychological support than anything else"

I decide to leave out a few details from my story. Hellebore doesn't need to know the actual circumstances which led to me getting stabbed – the fact that I was fighting the armies of Mordor, or that I was, and still am, with Thranduil's son.

"You don't have the best of luck do you" Hellebore says, walking beside me and matching my pace as I make my way out of the bedroom to test the crutches in the larger main room.

"It's more like I don't have to best sense of self-preservation. When I was younger I actively sought danger and when I found some I quickly discovered that it's not quite as romantic as the stories make it sound"

"It may not be as romantic, but it's even more exciting" Hellebore says.

"Experienced in peril, are you?"

"When you live alone in the middle of a forest you can get a bit bored, and the most entertaining thing around is often the most dangerous. That's how I found you, actually. I got a bit bored so went for a night time walk"

"Well thank goodness for you getting bored"

"Hah, yes. Although an injured woman isn't the most unusual thing that I've encountered when I've been bored"

"Oooh that sounds to me like you have some good stories to tell"

We've come to a stop by the fireplace now. "Oh nothing that sounds too exciting in the retelling, I'm not a particularly talented storyteller"

"I'm sure the stories are exciting enough even if you are as poor as you claim"

"Well if you're sure you want to hear me stumble through the more reckless episodes of my past, take a seat" he says, gesturing to one of the chairs by the fire. I start to lower myself down but the crutches just get in the way. After a moment, Hellebore steps in to help. I'm about to insist I'm fine but decide against it. Just because I can do it alone, doesn't mean I have to, right?

Hellebore shows a different side of himself when he's telling me about his past. So far I've only met the responsible and capable side of him, but it seems that when he was younger he was far less sensible. He tells me of how he waged a one-man war against pretty much everything when the woods were a hostile place, and the ensuing problems he had getting captured by most of those things he fought. And he tells me about his ill-considered cave exploration phase which, frankly, I'm amazed he survived.

Hellebore hasn't even finished his first story before I realise that deep down he is a reckless and impulsive individual, and I instantly like him more. That's not to say there's anything wrong with the sensible side of him, I just find I get along much better with people who know how to throw caution to the wind once in a while.

When he's told me everything he cares to tell, he sits back a little awkwardly. "I talked for a while there, didn't I" he says.

"You did, but that's not a bad thing. At least now I don't have to feel like I'm being a burden on you, it seems my being here is saving you from yourself. If you do crazy stuff like that whenever you get bored you are definitely going to end up dead. Not that I'm one to talk, I've done my share of crazy things in my time"

"It sounds like I'm not the only one with some with some stories to tell. Do I get to hear about these crazy things?"

"Perhaps. We'll have to see how I feel tomorrow"

Hellebore raises his eyebrows. "Does that mean you're not going to demand I take you home?"

"I realised that you're only trying to help. I want to go home more than anything, but demanding you take me back when you can't do so is just going to cause both of us pain. I know you'll take me home as soon as you can"

"I will Ana, I promise I will"