Remember How I Love You (Sequel to 'Through Fire and Water')

We'll Always Have Our Dream

Legolas' P.O.V.

I wake up early and for a moment, before my brain has fully woken up, I think it's Ana in my bed with me and maybe I just dreamt the last week and everything's fine. That only lasts a moment before I realise that it's Nemir, not Ana, and I remember everything that happened yesterday. I want to regret it, I really do, but I can't. I can hate myself though, and I do. I've become reliant on Ana to be there for me, be there with me through everything. I think I could take on any challenge in the world as long as she was by my side. For one night Nemir filled the space Ana should be in and reminded me that I'm not alone.

But that was all it was, one night of weakness. It's morning now.

I role over to look at Nemir, incredibly peaceful in her sleep, no worries weighing her down. I wish I could leave her like that but it's time to be responsible again. I shake her shoulder gently and her eyes flicker open, showing confusion at first before she remembers too.

"You should go" I say "the kids will wake up soon and they can't see you in here"

She nods but clearly doesn't want to leave. She reaches out to wrap her fingers around mine for a second, giving me a small smile but saying nothing, before eventually slipping out of the bed.

"I'll go back to mine and change" she says "I'll come back after that and the kids need never know I stayed the night"

"Alright" is all I say and she slips out.

Nemir doesn't return until I'm cleaning up after breakfast. She greets Estel and Thalion before joining me in the kitchen. We both know the conversation we're going to have but I think she wants to put it off.

"Estel seems well" she says and I nod.

"If she's still this well tomorrow then I think I'm going to head out to look for Ana. As long as she and Thalion are well then I think I can leave them, they'll have you and dad. They need someone they know and trust but I need to be out there"

"Of course. I'd be happy to look after them" she says and then adds in a quieter voice "you need to find your wife"

Even though there's two of us in the room, she looks incredibly isolated and alone. I want to kiss her, to hold her and tell her it's all ok. I want to at least hold her hand so she doesn't feel abandoned.

As I'm looking at her, Thalion wanders in, followed by Estel. "Daddy" he says "my marbles rolled under the sofa and we can't reach them"

"I'll see if I can, shall I" I say, smiling and picking Thalion up, taking him and Estel back to the living room. In a couple of minutes I find myself crouched on the floor, using an arrow of all things to fish marbles out from under the furniture, with Thalion and Estel watching me eagerly.

"Now that Estel's better you can go and look for mummy can't you" Thalion says as I fish out the last marble. I sit up and look at him.

"He's right, daddy" Estel agrees "I don't mind"

"I'm going to" I promise them. "Tomorrow, if mummy's still not home, I'll go and find her"

They both smile and Estel puts her arms around me, followed by Thalion. "You're better at finding things than anyone" she says "You'll find mummy. I know you will"

And that's that. They go straight from that to playing with marbles without even skipping a beat. I watch them for a moment, finding the resolve I need before going back into the kitchen where Nemir is waiting.

"I can't do this, Nemir. I'm sorry. I just can't do that to my children and I can't do it to Ana. Last night was a dream, now it's time to wake up"

"I know. Your family is too perfect for you to betray them like you did, and you're still madly in love with Ana, always will be. I won't bring feelings into this. I won't ask you your reasons and I won't explain my own" She says it carefully, like every word is an effort, like it's something she really doesn't want to say.

All I can bring myself to say in return is "Ana can't ever know"

"She won't. Legolas, I promise she won't"

Nemir locks her eyes with mine but I can't hold her gaze. I look away and something between us goes cold.

I turn to leave but stop in the doorway, half turning back but not looking at her.

"We'll always have our dream" I say before walking out the room. I stop myself from looking back at her.