I wake up and see maya on the floor next to me, I remember the events that occured the night before. I feel terrible , She looks so peaceful. Would Maya be happier if i let her be? Would that cause her pain too go away? Am i causing her to be so Broken? I know I need to stop thinking like that so I go to the bathroom to get ready. I change into a nice red dress and do my hair a little bit. When I walk back into my room Maya is up. "Hey" I say and go over to Maya to Hug her before she says "Germs, Remember?" I nod and Sigh. Maybe she doesnt actually love me . Maya gets ready quickly as shes all excited because Uncle Shawn is picking her up in 30 minutes. We hurry eating the oatmeal Topanga made today. The whole time I distance myself from Maya not wanting to ruin her happy day. When uncle Shawn comes he picks up maya and laughs. He forgets to say Hi to me. I go to my room and decide to write a few poems . My Mom comes in "Honey, We're gonna give Auggie to Uncle Josh and me and your Dad are going to go to the parent meetings then to dinner dont stay up to wait for us we wont be home till midnight." I nod and give her a quick kiss goodbye. This is gonna be wierd staying home alone but I dont wanna make my mom have to change her plans , Im enough of a burden as it is.I keep writing poems but theyre getting more and more depressing
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I wish I wasnt ugly or such a burden on people. I wish Maya would just talk to me . But my wishes never come true . I wished all the time every day was a happy time , Who was I kidding? I cant do this , My mind floats back to that night Maya came through the fire escape her arms scarred. I decide to try it , No harm done right? I go to my bathroom and use the razer I shave with and drag it deeply across my arms and Hips and Legs , Anywhere on my body they dont see pretty much. Then I notice the blood that I will now have to clean up. Once I'm done cleaning up and waiting for the Blood to stop , for a moment i feel at ease , My demons have stopped. I Look at the clock 7:30 , Maya should be back soon . I decide to keep this incident to myself, I just hope she doesnt notice herself. I go back into my room and decide to clean my room . I See a picture of me and maya before this year taped to my wall , I cant decide if time was worse or better then. I was so oblivous to how evil the world is. I realise i havent eaten since this morning but im fine with that , I look i the mirror , I look fat and gross. I hear a knock at the door and I run to get it knowing it's Maya. "MAYA "I scream and run a her . she hugs me "Feeling better Duckling?" I laugh at all her stupid nick names for me.
Right then I feel selfish , Im insecure and sad , Why so many people have bad lifes my life is good. Maya notices I look pained and she grabs my arm trying to soothe me, I flinch in pain. She looks confused but I quickly Change the subject. "So how was your day with shawn." She smiles and tells me about how they went to an old House that got turned into a mueseum and going to a lot of cool places. I smile I love that shes Happy. We slowly fall asleep and I can tell she knows somethings not right.
