I'm Half the Man I Wanted to Be

I'm Half the Man I Wanted to Be (Part Four)

     The lights in bar were bright, almost too bright for Matt's liking. He was drunk, but still conscious of his actions as he slipped his hand under the bar counter to squeeze Josh's thigh gently. The singer was caught by surprise, almost jumping out of his seat as his cheeks turned red. This erupted a giggle out of Matt, who shortly after got a look from Josh that made him stop instantly.

     "What's wrong, baby? I thought you wanted this," Matt defended, his voice almost a slur as he looked up at Josh. The older man just shook his head and sighed, looking back at him.

     "You're drunk, Matt. No. I don't want you like this," he shook his head again and looked away. His thoughts beginning to consume him again. Why's he doing this? He should know he'd be mad at both of us if I were to give in while he's drunk.

     "I am not that drunk, Joshy. Don't be silly. Just a little tiny little bit," Matt nodded, making himself feel slightly dizzy.

     "Matt, no. You're drunk. Stop it," the singer sighed, wanting nothing more than to just let Matt do whatever he wished to him. It'd been a week since he broke up with his girlfriend and two since he'd told Matt he was in love with him. It almost felt as if he would never get an actual answer. Not sober, at least.

     "But Joooosh," Matt whined, "I'm tired of all the damn thinking. Can't you just humor me or whatever?" He looked up at Josh and jutted his bottom lip out in a pout. He wanted to be able to lean over and kiss that pout and call Matt adorable so bad, but then he remembered the circumstances they were in, and the thought was wiped from his mind.

     "No," Josh said sternly as he shook his head. "I'm not letting you do anything. Not until you're sober and aware of everything. The last thing I need is you being all pissed at me."

     "What if I said that I loved you and I wanted you? Would you still turn me down?" Matt's words were still slurring together a bit, but Josh understood them well enough. He let out a frustrated sigh.

     "Yes, I would. You're not thinking straight, I'm not going to take advantage of that." The guitarist rolled his eyes at Josh's words.

     "But what if I fucking want you to?" Matt reached over to squeeze his thigh again, but this time, Josh stopped him and stood up.

     "No, Matt. I'm not doing this," Josh said, not even waiting for a reply. He just turned around and walked over to Mike, tapping him on the shoulder to get his attention. "Hey, Mike?"

     "Oh, hey Josh. Did you need something?" Mike asked, turning around so he could face the singer.

     "Uh, yeah. Can you make sure Matt gets back to the hotel safely? I tried, but he refuses to go with me," Josh knew he shouldn't have lied, but he had to get away from Matt. Whether he was meaning to or not, it felt like the guitarist was playing with his feelings, and that made him hard to be around.

     "Of course, man. I can do that," Mike flashed a smile, and Josh tried his best to return one back.

     "Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow, alright?" Mike nodded in response and Josh nodded once before turning back around and walking out the door. He'd have to have a talk with Matt in the morning. After he'd gotten sleep and hopefully sobered up.

--

     The next morning, Josh had found that he only got a total of two hours sleep. He groaned as he rolled out of the hotel bed, it was nearly 10a.m. So that means Matt had to be up, right? At least that's what he hoped as he brushed through his messy bed hair and put on his clothes so he could look presentable in public. Matt's room was just across the hallway, a few doors down. The singer sighed, still unsure of what to even say, but knowing he had to say something. He walked out the door and down the hall, knocking on the guitarist's door.