Heartless

Chapter 20

"I'm going to take a shower." I told Roxas.

Did I really need a shower? No. Was I about to bawl my eyes out, and that was the reason for showering? Yes.

I quickly shut the door behind me, leaning my back against it as my first tears slid down my face. I undressed in a hurry and turned on the water and hopped in, trying to keep Roxas from hearing me cry.

"Damn it!" I whispered, leaning against the tiled shower wall. "I'm so stupid! Why the hell did I come back? And why am I crying over Roxas? Guys shouldn't cry. Especially not over other guys!" I said to myself as the first of my sobs began to rattle in my throat.

I sat under the scorching hot water as my cold tears fell down my face, trying to drown out my cries. I hugged my knees to my chest, trying to hold myself together. 'I'm so weak. I shouldn't cry' I thought, even though I couldn't stop.

Why doesn't Roxas love me? Is it really that wrong for me to love him? Why is it so bad?

Thoughts like these remained jumbled up in my head, not a single answer found to any of them.

I stood, finally running out of tears to shed. I washed my hair and body and got out, drying myself off with a towel. I wrapped the towel around my waist and walked out. Roxas was laying on his bed, reading some book I'd never seen before. I walked over to my bag on the side of the bed away from Roxas's. I grabbed underwear, a random shirt, and shorts and put them on. I then pulled my covers back to find a surprise.

In my bed, that hadn't been slept in by me recently, had an indent in the sheets, perfectly Roxas size. I stared at it in wonder, my heart silently skipping a beat.

Had he really missed me that much?

I looked up at Roxas, seeming to be reading a book. But upon closer inspection, he was watching me from the corner of his eyes. He quickly averted his gaze after I realized he had been watching me. I smiled warmly and climbed into bed, watching as the sun settled down on its own bed of the horizon.

I closed my eyes, leaning back against my pillow with new found hope. A hope that maybe Roxas was just confused. Maybe he just didn't know how he felt yet. Maybe he really did love me back.

I closed my eyes as Roxas shut his book and set it on the nightstand and the sun slipped below the horizon. I pulled the covers up and drifted up to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Heartless~

I felt my bed shift slightly, the covers being peeled back and placed back down as if someone was getting in bed. Then, I felt the presence of someone snuggling up against my chest. I opened my eyes slowly, wondering what was going on.

When I opened them, it took a minute for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, but when they did they widened.Cuddled up to me in bed was Roxas. "Roxas?" I asked groggily, confused as to what he was doing. "I know, I know... But I'm just getting in your bed because I had a nightmare. Plus it's always so much warmer than mine. So don't think too much of it." he said, his tone seeming nervous. "I don't care if you're in bed with me. It's not like it really matters." I mumbled, his body relaxing against mine feeling amazing.

"Now go back to sleep." he whispered, grabbing my arm and pulling it around him. I smiled, thankfull fro the darkness to hide it, and my heart skipped.

After a few minutes of laying wide awake, but keeping my eyes closed, I felt something strange.

Roxas began to tremble, my shirt near his face getting wet, seemingly from tears. "Roxas? What's wrong?" I asked quietly. "I thought you were asleep!" He said, trying to pull away. I held him there in my arms, desperate to understand. "Rox, whatever's wrong, please tell me. Just because of what happened doesn't mean that I can't still be your best friend. I'll be there for you no matter what. So just tell me." I explained.

I saw Roxas smile, but he just shook his head. He relaxed in my grip and wrapped his arms around my waist. "No, it's okay. Just being here is enough." he said, burying his face in my chest. My heart fluttered and I felt a blush creeping it's way onto my face.

I slowly closed my eyes and burried my face in his hair, still smiling as I went to sleep.

Maybe he does still love me.