13 Reasons Why [Louis Tomlinson]

Harry

If you received this letter it means that I'm already gone. It means that you're one of the reasons why....

„One, two, three” I whisper to myself as I take careful steps, looking down at the city. I'm standing on the edge of the roof of one of the tallest buildings in the city.

No, I don't want to jump. But if I fall... I'm not really going to care.

It was our spot. Me and Louis came here a lot, to just look at the city and talk about some random stuff. Most of the time he was talking about his problems with Zayn.

And now I'm alone. He left me here alone.

I open my hand and let the wind take the pieces of paper. It's not the latter that Louis left me. It's a copy. I wanted to destroy it, show how angry I was at him, but at the same time I didn't want to lose it.

So I copied it and rip it apart and now I watch the paper slowly flying on the wind.

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*16 days earlier* (October 23rd)

I was walking around the school, looking for Louis. I had to tell him what I just found out. I knew he's going to get angry or sad or something, but he deserved to know. I took a deep breath when I finally found him. I walked to him and bit my lower lip.

“Hey” I said quietly, standing next to him. He looked at me and I could see in his eyes how tired he was. “How are you?” I added just as quietly as before.

“I'm fine” He replied with weak voice. Maybe I shouldn't tell him? He looks so bad. But on the other hand, if he finds out from someone else and then finds out that I knew about it, he'll be furious.

“Louis, I have to tell you something” I whispered, biting my lower lip again. It was hard to say, really, I didn't want to hurt him.

“What?” Louis replied simply, but tone of his voice was saying 'say it quickly and leave, I'm not in a mood for you'

I took another deep breath, looking down at my hands for a second “She's cheating on you” I said quickly and glanced up at him to see how he'll react.

Louis frowned looking at me in disbelieve “What? Why would you even say that?” He said, and he seemed to be mad at me. At me! For what?

“I saw Diana making out with Zayn. And it wasn't just kissing, they had hands all over each other” I said, not sure what to expect from him. He stayed silence for a while, snorted.

“What the hell are you talking about?” He replied, making me really confused “Me and Diana are happy, why do you want to destroy it?” He said and walked past me, leaving me shocked and confused.

What was wrong with him? I tried to be good friend, tell him that this bitch is cheating on him and he turned his back on me? He was blaming me for this?! What the hell?!

I followed him, tried to talk to him, explain everything, find out why he reacted like this, but he was ignoring me. Telling me to go away and stop ruining his relationship.

****************************

I did what he told me, I left him alone. Which was a mistake. The biggest one I've ever done.

I thought that when he calms down a bit, see that I was right he'll come to me, and talk to me or something, but I was wrong. And all I had to do was fight for my friendship.

Now there's nothing left to fight for. I'm alone.

My best friend killed himself, because I didn't see how bad he was feeling.

Because I wasn't there for him.

Because I didn't help.


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Dear Harry,
I'm so sorry. Now I know that what you told me last time we talked is truth, but even now I'm simply to scared to talk to you. I have this feeling that you're mad at me and you'll simply reject me. You probably wouldn't, after all we're like brothers, but still... I'd feel kinda stupid.
I don't know what to say to you. I guess most of all, I'm sorry. Not just for what I've done, but for what I'm about to do. I know you'll miss me, but I want you to understand, this... this is just too much for me.
My mum died, my half-brother hates me and beats me up, my father doesn't love me at all, I'm bullied at school, I've lost Liam, I've lost Diana, I've lost you. I feel that everyone around hate me and just want me to be gone.
I want to be gone.
I want to close my eyes and just make it all go away. The feeling of loneliness, the feeling of being hated and unwanted, the pain. And most off all, the feeling of falling apart. I'm just not strong enough for this.
You can believe it or not, but I really tried. I tried for you. I tried to be strong, to stay alive to pull myself together, but I can't. Every time I feel a bit stronger, something new comes to pull me down.
Please don't hate me for this. You'll have wonderful life, I promise. But I can't be part of it.
Hold on to Liam, he needs someone too.
I'm sorry.
I love you.
Stay strong and don't let anyone do to you what they've done to me.