13 Reasons Why [Louis Tomlinson]

Selena

If you received this letter it means that I'm already gone. It means that you're one of the reasons why....

I walk down the aisle, looking at the graves. I always loved this place. It is quiet and it is easy to think about stuff here. And the trees look beautiful at this time of the year. There's something soothing about this place. But today... I don't feel like it at all.

Since I found out about Louis' death, that's all I can think about. I was wondering if it was my fault and when I got the letter earlier today, I knew the answer.

Do I regret it? A little bit. But I had to do it. I was just protecting my brother. And I'm glad Louis understood that. I wouldn't know how t live the rest of my life, knowing that he hated me.

*******************************************

* 17 days earlier * (October 22nd)

I heard Louis and Harry laughing in my brother's room. I didn't like it, that they were still such good friends, after what I've heard about Louis. I didn't want people to think my brother was the same. Because he's not! He likes girls, I know it.

The laughing stopped and I slightly opened the door to my room to see Louis going into the bathroom. I walked out of my room, making sure the door to Harry's room were closed. I leaned against the wall in the hallway, waiting for my brother's best friend to come out. I bit my lower lip, not really sure what to say. I knew what I wanted from Louis, I just didn't know what words should I use.

My heart stopped for a second when I heard Louis unlocking the bathroom door. I didn't know why I was so nervous. I had to do it for the sake of my brother.

“Listen” I said as soon as the boy showed up in the door frame. “I know what people are talking about you and I don't want them to say the same thing about my brother, so back off and leave him alone” There. I said it.

Louis was looking at me in confusion and for a moment I wasn't sure if he hear what I just told him. We were looking at each other in awkward silence for what seemed like hours, but surely it was just few seconds.

“No” He finally said and I frowned deeply. Did he seriously just said that? How dare he?!

“What do you mean 'no'? Yes. You'll do what I say, got it?” I crossed my arms on my chest, staring at him, trying to be intimidating, but since I was shorter than him and a girl, it didn't work very well.

“And why would I do what you tell me to, huh?” Louis replied with a question, raising his eyebrow. I sighed softly, not sure what to say. I didn't expect him to argue with me, I thought I'll just say what I have to say and he will do it. But now that I think about it, it was stupid of me to assume something like that.

“I mean... because... because...” At first I couldn't any good answer for that. God, I was never really good at stuff like this “Because you don't want Harry to get hurt, that's why. And he'll be hurt when people start calling him a queer, like they do to you” Louis sighed deeply and softly shook his head.

“You're still so young an naive. Others opinion is not the most important thing in the world, you know?” He said and I shrugged. It wasn't true. What other think about you is the most important thing. I mean, if people think bad things you lose friends. And actually, Louis should know about this. Yeah, I knew about Liam leaving Louis for being gay, I heard Harry talking on the phone with him.

“Look, I don't care what you think, just leave my brother alone, I don't want to see you around him ever again. Hope you understand, because if you don't...” I gave him the look that was suppose to mean something like 'if you don't listen to me, you'll regret it' then turned around and got back into my bedroom.

*****************************************

That was the last time I talked to him. The next day I saw him arguing with Harry, and I was actually happy, thinking he did what I asked him for. But now, that I see how all this ended, I'm not that happy anymore.

Walking down the aisle, I notice someone kneeling besides Louis' grave. Someone crying rather loudly.

“Please, come back. I'm begging you. I'm so sorry, please come back” I hear and recognize Liam's voice. After a moment of hesitation I finally walk to him and carefully put my hand on Liam's shoulder. He jumps a bit and turns around to look at me. I give him a warm smile and crouch down, hugging him.

I can do at least that to make my brother's, only living, best friend feel better.

“””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””

Dear Selena,

How are you? Good? I'm sure you are, your dream just came true. Maybe not the way you wanted it to, but it's something, right? You don't have to worry, no one will ever see me with your brother again. No one will think he's a queer like me.

I mean, I really wasn't, but it doesn't really matter, does it? Of course not. All that matters is what people think...

Even though it might seem like that, I don't hate you. You're just a kid, you don't know how the world works, you don't know yet, what is right or wrong. But you tried to save your brother, and I respect that.

As you can see I don't have much to say to you, you're just my best friend's little sister. Hope you'll have a good life. And my advice to you is: stop worrying so much about what people think. Your life will be much happier then. I know I already gave it to you, but then I made the mistake of not listening to my own advice. I hope you'll learn on my mistakes.

And please, be there for Harry. I know you love him and care about him. He'll need someone to talk to now that I'm gone.