13 Reasons Why [Louis Tomlinson]

Ben

If you received this letter it means that I'm already gone. It means that you're one of the reasons why....


I sit at my desk, staring at the letter in front of me.

I try not to cry, but I can barely stop the tears, that are filling my eyes. I run my hand down my face, sighing deeply.

It hurts when I think about the last time I've spoke to Louis. He wanted my help and I ignored him.

And why? Because of stupid piece of paper, that wasn't even as important as I thought it was.

**********************************

*13 days earlier* (October 26th)

I was just getting ready for a meeting. It was a very busy time at work and I was suppose to leave in 30 minutes, but I couldn't find very important document. I was walking around the house, asking everyone about it, but no one seemed to know anything about it.

“Oh, Louis. Have you found it?” I asked, as the boy walked out of his room. He shook his head and I sighed deeply, moving on.

“Dad, wait” Louis said as he followed me, but I didn't stop. I had to find the document, it was extremely important at that moment.

“I have no time now, we'll talk some other time” I replied,as I walked into my study, going through the papers on my desk for the 100th time. Still not there. Where the hell did I put it?!

“But dad, it's important. Zayn, he's...” Louis pleaded, but I honestly couldn't care less. Didn't that kid know I was working for him? So he'd have food and new clothes... Seriously, why couldn't he just leave me alone?

“I said, I don't have time for it” I replied, cutting him off, and rolling my eyes “You're not 5 years old, if you have a problem with your brother, just talk to him about it” I added, leaving the study and he followed me again.

“When do you have time? I see you like once in a week, you're at work most of the time” Louis replied calmly and I just groaned.

“Just later” I mumbled, not bothering too much with what he was saying.

“No, you don't understand. He beats me up, he made this stupid rumor about me being gay. He even slept with my girlfriend! And it's not just him, it's also all of his friends. I can try stand up for myself, but it won't do anything. He's too strong and powerful with all of his friends, I can do nothing to him.... Are you even listening?” Louis was talking, but I honestly didn't hear a word “Can you talk to me for just five minutes?” Drawers in the hall, counter in the kitchen, cupboards in the living room... it still wasn't there “Dad, can you please tell him to stop?” Maybe I should look in my desk again? Maybe I put it into one of the drawers? “Dad?!” Leo demanded and I couldn't take this any longer.

“Just fuck off!” I yelled at him. He annoyed me, so much. Instead of helping he just talking, and talking and talking. Louis was taken aback and I could see it. He looked down and sighed deeply.

“You should look behind the desk” The boy mumbled, before leaving the room, with his head still down.

“Louis...” I started, but I honestly had no time for this. I did as he told me, and he was actually right, the document was behind the desk. I gathered all the papers I needed and went downstairs. After the breakfast, Louis wasn't eating with us, and I didn't even notice it at that time, I left to work. And I haven't talked to him since.

***********************************

The house is quiet, my wife went to visit her mother, trying to get better after the tragedy. But the silence is quickly broken. I hear quiet sobs coming out of Louis' room.

I stand up and walked there, opening the door. I sigh deeply, seeing Zayn on his knees, crying in the middle of the room. I slowly walk to him and sit down, taking the boy in my arms and kissing his head.

“I'm sorry, dad” Zayn whispers, but I quickly shake my head. It isn't his fault. It is mine. It wouldn't kill me to talk to Louis for a minute, to listen to him... to help.

He's life was never easy, and it was mostly because of me. I was never there for him, and now...

I've lost my son.

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Dear father,
What have I done to deserve this? No. What haven't I done to deserve your attention? What should I do so you'd finally spend 5 minutes talking to me? I know you took me to your home, you remind me about it every day since I moved in. But was it really so much to ask from you, to talk to me? To talk to Zayn, so he'd stop torturing me? I get it, he was your first son, and I was just a bastard... but I am your child too! Or was, because as you read this letter, I'm already gone.
I accepted the fact that you weren't there. Since I was a little kid you visited me on my birthday, you gave me a gift and left. I just hoped that maybe... that when we'll live together, something might change. I know, that was stupid of me to think that....
But really. 5 minutes was all I asked for. Just a one stupid conversation. Exchange of few sentences. Few words. Anything.
I don't know what you'll do next. If you think that Zayn didn't do anything wrong and he's an angel, well... you're blind and stupid, and I promise that one day he'll use you, take your money and you'll never see him again.
But if you want to blame him for everything.... don't. Because it's also your fault. I lost my mother, and all you did was giving a place to live, so I wouldn't end up on a street. But what I really needed, wasn't a room. I needed a father.
It's sad that I never got one.