Sara's Trilemma

Loose Ends

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked incredulously.

Viraj's lips curled into a sinister smile, unlike him. "The wife of the CEO of Live money is my patient. She herself holds a post of a marketing head in the office. I asked her if she knew any Siddharth Kashyap. She said nobody works by that name in the company."

"You have no right," I objected.

"Whatever you say. I had the opportunity to find out about him, I did. Though it really doesn't suit you to make things up, Sara. Why are you so hell bent on making it appear like you are happy?"

I admonished his audacity to say to me such thing. He had absolutely no right to meddle in my life. I told him that he better save the care for someone who would give a damn about it. I used those words specifically. The colour on his cheeks rose, his eyes glazed with subdued anger. He pressed his lips tightly.

"I didn't mean to say that. I am sorry. It just something queer about that guy. And I want you safe." He mumbled, softening his eyes and features.

"He is my boyfriend since months. And I have nothing to be feared about him," I said in retort.

"You mean boyfriend?"

"Of course." I held his gaze a little longer and then looked over to my shoulders. Sid was coming with the drinks, his expression unreadable.

And the conversation was thus riveted from the directness. We chatted for few minutes about general things, as we tried to act normal in our stance. Though he kept putting probing questions towards Sid, who waved them away with short and curt replies. I held my attention fully when Viraj told him about the CEO's wife. Sid looked calm enough to answer that she was really ineffective in her working, he knew about her name and the years she spent working for the magazine. Now, looking over to Viraj, a smirk grew on my face. He was completely bowled over Sid's confidence and knowledge. Before he could make more fool out of him, he excused himself and went over to Cara.

"Sid, how long you have been working in Live Money?" I asked examining his chiselled features closely.

"You know already. Why are you asking?" he replied taking a sip of his juice.

"Viraj was sure that you were fraud. That you are pretending to be working there," I cut the chase and got straight to the point. Perhaps the light drink was helping me to be bold.

"I could make that out from his probing way. But it's nonsense. I have met you at the party, top people knew me, and you saw that. It's just that I am not permanent. Not everybody knows about me," he explained coolly.

That convinced me enough to drop the subject. We lingered there for a while and then decided to leave. The dinner was yet to be served, though now I had no intention of eating there. I had a sinking feeling in my gut, whenever I saw them gaze into each other's eyes and whisper by each other's ears. I wanted that for myself, deep down, even when I would never accept it in front of anybody, not even Tanya, and Kush. I always projected myself as a stronger character with less emotional tendencies.

I mediated when I had a short personal time in the washroom. I saw my reflection in the mirror. I was a different girl now, very different since a year ago. I remembered when Viraj used to make me feel so like a girl like he is with Cara. An initial couple of months, I was in the bliss of newfound attraction and affection if not love. He had been the perfect gentleman with a loving family and humble growing up. I had met his parents often, they were the both wise and kind-hearted couple. They encouraged our relationship as I was seen as a good girl who would fit in daughter-in-law mould well. He had a brother and a sister, both well-mannered and good humoured. Seeing their family as one, I envied and fancied to be a part of it. As far as my condition of it goes, I had nobody to call my own. My nana also left me, leaving me alone and bitter about the world in general.

Maybe it was only the insecurity talking, but I wanted to be with someone. To have somebody who would be a part of you, who would always available for you in need? Deep down, I was lovesick. My thoughts were a mess; somehow it led it to my parents. I missed the idea of them, how would it feel to be surrounded by loving parents. Tears gathered around the rims of my eyes. I hastily wiped it way, realizing my vulnerable state. They didn't deserve to be missed.

When I came out of the room, I was confronted with standing figure of Viraj. He was leaning against the wall of the narrow corridor. "I thought you left," he said with wariness.

"I am about to," I said, still on the threshold of the washroom door.

"Perhaps it's better," he mumbled trying to match my gaze. He still stood in a way that I could not move through without bumping to his side.

After few awkward seconds, I watched him opening and closing his mouth looking at his feet. "I shouldn't have met you after all these years," he murmured, his lineaments troubled. I went near to his side, hoping that he would make way, though he straightened himself and faced me. "Sara, why are you making it difficult for me?" his gazed lingered around my face, with familiar worn expressions on his face.

"What do you mean?" I whispered, unable to meet his searching eyes. I was starting to get the hint.

"Why did we cross each other's path again? There must be some reason, beyond our understanding."

"You puzzle me!" I breathed out as he leaned closer. I took a step back instantly, keeping a safe distance.

"Don't be coy, Sara. We ended things abruptly. We were egotistical fools. Perhaps destiny is saying something else," he said, keeping his hand on the wall, standing like a pillar in my way.

"What are you trying to prove? What will Cara say?" I disputed.

As he heard Cara's name, he blinked and closed his eyes. "Cara," he whispered. "Yes. She is mine and I am hers."

"Yes. She is a lovely girl," I mumbled trying to soothe him.

"You don't feel anything besides that. You only think that she is lovely. Do you think, she could make me happy?" he queried.

"Yes. I can see that she loves you. And I feel only happy for you."

"Oh," he smiled forcefully and moved aside. Tentatively, I moved ahead of him. He followed close behind me. We descended down the stairs in silence in the chaotic surrounding. I saw Sid waiting at the last stair with a smile on his face. He took my hand and pressed me to his side. We sought Cara and took their leave, saying that I was to be early at my work.

Though as we descent down the elevator, I could feel Sid's inquisitiveness. Thankfully, he did not probe as I was unclear myself.

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