Sara's Trilemma

A Girl meets a Guy

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"Sara, are you okay?" asked Sid, in his most deep and sensual voice. "You look troubled!"

I looked at him, expecting what exactly? "I..." I muttered. I love you! "Nothing. Thanks for coming today, Sid."

He regarded me amusingly. "Where is your smart mouth? Sara, being nice. Wow!" He laughed and turned sharply towards the highway.

"Why do you always play on my nerves? And no, I am not a smart mouth. I am nice to everybody!"

"Whatever you say, sweetheart," he remarked and pushed his radio on.

I sighed inside, what if it was said, wholeheartedly like he meant it! I looked outside to the traffic at the exit of Mumbai, wondered how long we would ride. On one side was Kush, gentle and most caring friend, who would never break my heart. On another hand, was Sid, a person who made my heart skip a beat, a man who clouded my mind in such a way that, I couldn't see anybody except him. Just now, the realization hit me, his face was etched on my heart. And knowing perfectly well that he was somebody who could easily stomp on my heart if he wanted to.

I couldn't simply look at him, knowing my changed feelings towards him. My hand automatically touched my gold chain and the guilt drowned me. The chain and the pendant, both were pretty, so me! Such a thoughtful gift from Kush, which instantly had melted my heart. The enormity of his love encompassed me fully, making me believe for a while that it was enough for both of us. But no. I was deceiving him. I was deceiving myself. I loved him dearly as a friend. When Disha broke his heart, it broke me too. My heart lurched for him, because of his sadness. All I wanted was to comfort him, to ease his worries. And now with me, he was finally happy. Maybe I should be with him. I would eventually love him like he loves me. Our relationship deserves a chance to exist. I was going to give him that.

I looked at Sid, and I could feel my heart beat getting slowed. The thumping of my heart was all I could hear in the background of the radio. I wondered how different we were, in perhaps everything. And on top of that, he would leave India one day or the other. He would probably go back to DC. The city where I would never step my foot into! Then why was I going after the unattainable!

"Your eyes are dilated," he commented, holding my gaze for a second. I noticed that he turned off the radio.

Immediately I looked down, clearing my throat. "The evening is approaching," I replied and gazed through the window at the oddly shaped mountains stood one before the other, like the green maze kissing the sparsely clouded sky. The sun was dipping behind the giant rock, calming the warmed earth for another silent night.

The car zoomed on the winding highway without a sound, making the silence inside the car loud in my ears.

"Sara, are you happy with Kushal?" asked Sid, fixing his gaze straight ahead.

"He is a good person, Sid," I answered, curving my lips into a forced smile.

"That's not the answer to my question," he said.

I kept mute.

"Sara, do you love him?" he asked again, this time turning and locking my gaze.

"I love him," I replied. As a friend.

He looked away on the road again. And we were silent till we took an exit at our destination, Lonavala.

The beautiful hill station invited us in its scenic beauty. The retracting golden rays glittered the green leaves of the top of the trees. It looked like a crown of the ancient trees. The unruly climbers curled into boughs and the branches. The condensed water droplets covered every surface, glistened and shone there with seducing colours.