Don't Save My Life

Chapter 3

(I know the formatting is insane so please excuse that. Also, this is not proofread so i am aware that there are plenty of mistakes. I'll come back and fix them. )

Willa

There’s a saying, a saying that I hate on account of, it couldn’t be any more inaccurate. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” It’s something that my mother said when I’d faked sick every morning of school thus far. It was also something Payton told me when he’d convinced me to try my luck signing up for this years volleyball league. Finally, it was what my therapist was telling me, as I sat motionless on his couch, watching the clock for the second I’d be allowed to leave.

“Have you made any new friends yet?” He asked in his soft nasally voice.

I shook my head, not ready to waste my breath on such an obvious answer. No, Todd. School started three months ago and I have not made a single friend. I would say write that down but I’m pretty sure it’s already permanently ingrained across my forehead, just below the giant ‘loser’ tattoo.

He nodded, still staring at me like I was on exhibit.

“Do you plan on changing that?” he asked.

I shrugged. “I dunno.”

He knew good and well that it wasn’t up to me. Even if I had wanted to make some new friends it wouldn’t be possible. There were old women from church who still did the sign of the cross when I walked near them.

“Here’s a better question.”

I doubt that.

“Do you want to make new friends?” He pressed.

Todd was like a jar opener. Just keep prying and prying until your jar opens, or until one of the two breaks.

I considered his question, still not turning to face him directly. Did I want to make new friends? I couldn’t help but wonder if many other teens had ever been pressed with such a question. The truth was, I’d never thought about. Not before the accident, not ever. I’d never needed many friends, I had one best friend and that was enough for me. Now that I’d been pulling away from Payton, I could understand what it meant to really want people in my life.

On the other hand, what were friends really? In this town, all it meant for me at least, was a group of people who instead of hating me, pitied me. The accident had occurred at the beginning of the previous summer. I was in the hospital a few weeks following that and when I was released; I didn’t come out of my house until school started. The hate had cooled down a bit, by that I mean I wasn’t finding small cherry bombs in my mailbox anymore. Still, a day didn’t go by where I didn’t get a look, either a pity glance or some kind of snarl. When I’d tried out for volleyball, most of the girls were on the pitying end. They were overly nice and wanted to make sure everything was perfect for me. It was a sweet gesture but in the end, I felt like just as much as a freak as I did when everyone despised me.

So did I want friends; in that school, in this town? No way.