The Secrets We Keep [#justwriteit]

ix.

I noticed the effort, I never said that you didn't put in the effort, but then you stopped.

It was as though I had never existed. I would message you and get nothing in return, and that was the worst part.

I would message you, hoping for a reply, but you would simply view the message and that would be that. I would receive no reply and I was always left wondering whether you truly gave a damn about me, or whether I was just someone you could play until you found someone better than me.

I know that I am a mess. I know that I am a complete bitch at times and I can be difficult to handle. Heck, I even know that there are people out there who better than me, and you could have your pick of any of those people.

But I didn't want any of those people to have you.

I didn't want another girl anywhere near you, not when we had shared what we had with each other, even before we went on holiday and you made it plainly obvious that you were interested in me, I still didn't want any other females near you, even if they were just your friends, I still envied them because they had your attention, and I had none of it.

You might have ignored me, wanted to pretend that what had happened between us never happened, but I couldn't forget. It was always in the back of my mind, even when you were hurting me by not replying and by acting as though I was nothing to you, you were the still at the forefront of every thought I had.

And, honestly, the thought of you with another girl, with someone who wasn't me, that thought hurt me more than anything you had done to me. The thought of you with another girl, with someone who wasn't me, that hurt me more than you not even acknowledging that I existed.

You turned me into a jealous, possessive freak.

We weren't even dating at the time, I questioned if we were even friends at that point, but I was still jealous whenever I saw another female capturing your attention. I found myself thinking about all the things which you could be saying to her, or all the things which you could be doing with her when I wasn't around.

I had never felt like this about someone before. I had never been driven to jealousy, to hating every female who dared to speak to the guy I was interested in, but that is what you did to me and that is how I acted whenever you ignored me.

I just wanted to know that you still wanted me. I wanted to know that I meant something to you and that I wasn't being played, but you couldn't even give me that much. You couldn't, or wouldn't, give me the answer which I wanted to hear from you and it drove me insane.

You made me crazy, Ki. Made me into a woman I had never been before and, for everything I felt for you and the emotions which developed over time, you turned me into a woman I never wanted to be.

You will, whether it be a good thing or a bad thing, be the person who changed me. And you will also be the man who, despite the number of times you broke me, put me back together and made me feel somewhat human.

You gave me a reason to be happy; a reason to smile; a reason not to give up on life. You showed me that there was more to life than just going to University or working every weekend. You actually showed me that there was more to my life than simply existing, and you gave me the opportunity to live for once.

But, while I can't deny the truth in your statement, I can deny that you brought about a change which I wanted.

I was broken when we first met, and you put me back together. I just hope that you can live with yourself knowing that I am, once again, broken.

It's a shame that this time, there is no going back. You have broken me beyond repair.