The Secrets We Keep [#justwriteit]

xiii.

It doesn't matter to me what my family think of you. It has never mattered to me what they thought about you, not even when Jake told me that you weren't good enough for me because you only ever played with girls and their feelings.

I stuck with you. Even when you ignored me and acted as though I didn't exist, and when you refused to tell me where it was that we stood with each other, I still waited for you.

I loved you, Kieran. I got jealous whenever I saw another girl so much as speaking to you, because I wanted to have your attention, but you were giving it to everyone other than me. Even when I tried to get your attention, you still gave it to another and I was pushed to the side.

But, despite all of that, I was still there for you when you finally realised what it was that you were doing to me. I was the one who let you into my life and gave you a chance, a chance which I have never regretted until now.

You may not have actually slept with her, but I don't know whether to believe you or not. You could have told me about this yourself, come clean and admitted to me what an idiot you had been, but it was your brother who told me what you had done to me.

Your brother. Do you have any idea how humiliating that is? To find out the man you're in love with, the man who is the father of your child, actually gave money to another woman to have sex with her?

Let me tell you now that it is pretty damn humiliating. Even more so when it was Danny who told me what you had confessed to him, because you didn't even have the guts to admit your mistake to me yourself.

But, no matter what you may think, you have always deserved my love, and that's why I gave it to you. That's why I gave you my heart and, foolishly, trusted that you wouldn't break it anymore than it had been before I met you.

I was an idiot. And, honestly, I don't think there is any way back from this. I don't think there is a way that I can ever really forgive you for what you have done to me, Kieran.

But I would never prevent you from being a father to our child. I would never use the baby to keep you out of my life because, no matter how fractured and tough our relationship is, we are still going to be parents and our child deserves nothing other than the best from the both of us.

You may have turned out to be a shitty boyfriend, and you may have even crushed my heart to the point I don't think anyone can ever repair it, but I believe in your ability to be the best father possible to our child.

In fact, I know you will be an amazing father. Just be sure you don't ruin this as you have ruined what it was that we once had with each other.