Life Gets Better, Taryn

Moving to Delta's

7\30\11

Dear Delta,

No wonder you were always trying to get out of your house, it's massive! While my aunt, uncle, and the moving people were setting stuff up, I wandered around for a bit. I almost got lost! And of course, out of all the rooms, in this giant house, I get to sleep in your room, which I'm not sure is a great thing, or not. First of all, it's completely empty. It doesn't smell like you at all. Just like a newly cleaned room, which was kinda disappointing. I was hoping to see One of the maids who stayed behind said that all your stuff was moved to the attic, since you sorta gave them to me in your will. But, since the attic's massive, it'll take a while to find it. I'll be looking for it whenever I have time, but school starts soon, around August 23, or something. It's going to be weird going to a new school in New York. Especially your school. You never really told me much about it, so I don't really know what to expect.

Love,

Taryn

8\1\11

Dear Delta,

The days until school are just filled with empty space. Most of that time I spend helping my aunt take care of the house and search the attic for you stuff. Since most of these tasks are tedious, my mind usually wanders to you. I knew you less than a year, and even though we spent most of that time communicating in some way, sometimes I feel like I don't even know you at all. Hopefully when I find your stuff, it will lead me to some answers. But for now, I only have my memories of you.

March 23, 2011. That's the day you arrived at the Seattle Hospital that was in walking distance of my house. As soon as I got your call, I couldn't get there quick enough. It almost physically hurt me to see you in that hospital bed, hooked up to all those machines. But I put on a brave face. For you. Despite being hospitalized, you kept all you contagious excitement and spunk. We talked the whole time. Mostly about all the places you've been. Oddly you've never been to Scotland, or the Netherlands, so at least I had a few things to say during our talk. All too soon, it was time for me to leave. Your chemo sessions were moved to the morning, so I would be able to see you in the afternoon when school resumed. I didn't say anything about your latest letter at the time. I knew you wanted to talk about it. But I wasn't. I wish I had been. Then you could've known, and been happier for longer. To be truthful, I began to like you as more than a friend after our little escapade on Valentine's day. But I just didn't know how to tell you, especially before you made your feeling known to me.

At least I told you before you died.

Love,

Taryn

8\15\11

Dear Delta,

The afternoon of April 3rd was beautiful. It had just rained for two days straight, but the sun was coming out, reflecting off the wet sidewalks and roads. You were claustrophobic from staying in your room for too long, so I took you down to the nearby park. You had to be taken around in a wheelchair by then. The air was warm, but there was a slight breeze. I took you down to the park you had taken a liking to. It was empty, save up. All the benches were wet, so I put my raincoat down to sit on. I knew you didn't have much more time to live. As we sat in companionable silence, I worked up the courage to tell you how I felt. I looked at you, and you at me. And the words just came. They overflowed so fast, it was a miracle you understood them. At the time, it felt weird, even wrong to love someone of the same gender. But now, I don't care. I said it then, and I'm saying it now. Delta Blu, I love you more than anyone I know. I don't care who says this is wrong. If lesbianism is so wrong, how can this feel right. I love Delta Blu. If those words are wrong, then I don't know what wrong is. I wish we could've know each other more.

Love,

Taryn

8\23\11

Dear Delta,

Today was the first day of school. As soon as I stood up in front of the class to be introduced by the teacher, rumors started flying about me. I think my aunt talked to the teachers beforehand, because none of them mentioned where I was living. I don't think anyone knows you're dead either. As far as they know, you're on one of you long vacations. A few of the guys warned me about you. Told be to stay away from you whenever you came back. I'm not sure if I want to laugh or cry at that. I think they were just mad that you got the best grades in the school despite going on all these trips. I've been dubbed 'Secret Sweetie' by this guy, considering no one knows anything about me, besides my name, and I used to live in Seattle. I think the teacher know we were friends, so they're nice. Everyone else's behavior varies from ignoring me to 'subtly' teasing me. I was occasionally bullied for my religion back at my old school, so I'm used to it. Speaking of religion, I'm not sure if I still affiliate with it. I've been drifting from God since my grandmother died. Church hasn't been without her. And my aunt and uncle aren't that strict about it, though they admit they've visited more frequently since my parent's death. They were into religion too. I'm not quite sure how to feel about this. I just need to think about it.

Love,

Taryn

9\8\11

Dear Delta,

I finally found the box with all your stuff! I got less time to look for it once school started, but I finally have it! My aunt won't let me open it though. Even though it's a Friday, she wants me to get some sleep. It's been harder to do that. Sleep. I either can't fall asleep, or I'm plagued by nightmares. I guess I'll just have to wait until morning. Sorry this one was short.

Love,

Taryn