Phan - One-shots [ COMPLETED ]

~A Greeting

Why? Do¿ I? Even¿ Write?

Words: 726

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Dan

You know all that heaven and hell bullcrap?
Yeah, none of it is real.

To put it shortly, I died.
I am dead.
I am simply a ghost now, wallowing in the world of living people not being able to see me and my fellow ghosts.

Nowadays I spend my time around the mental hospital, which I jumped off. The nurses are shit, the therapists do fuck all to help the patients and the food tastes awful.

I've been watching this one kid, Philip Lester.
He had schizophrenia, which came with a delightful packet of demons that invaded his life.

I could see them, which is weird. I've learnt a lot of things about being a ghost.

I named all of them, which he couldn't do.
Too caught up in trying to get rid of them, I guess.

Shit-face was an old man with a receding hairline, who screamed at Phil about homosexuality being wrong. I took that as a figure that represented a male family member.

Fuck-twit was a small girl who continuously chanted 'why didn't you save me Phil? You could've saved me. Why didn't you save me?'
Could've been involved in an accident when he was younger? I don't know.

Old-bag was a woman who I took as his mother, who constantly scolded him for not being good enough, having low grades, all the things mothers shouldn't tell their kids.

And the there was Kevin.
Kevin told Phil to do many terrible things, to himself and others.
He once nearly chopped off a nurse's finger because of the little shit.

Today was a bad day for Phil.
Kevin's voice seemed to be louder than others, whilst been nearly silent at the same time.
Old-bag, Fuck-twit and Shit-face were all yelling from the other side of the room,
while Kevin was whispering in his ear, 'do it, do it. No one likes you, no one wants you. Do it.'

Phil started to stumble out of his room and to the hallway; no nurses were watching, the other patients kept away from him.
Kevin was there the whole time, who's shrieking at Phil now.

He ran into the kitchen, which was unlocked, and went straight to the knife drawer.
I was all to familiar with it.

And oh- there's a large knife, straight through his skull.

Jesus, the things mental illness can do to you.

His, 'spirit', i guess, shot up from his body, him letting out a throaty gasp.

"Heya."

His head snapped to me, as he slowly got up.

"Um, hi."

He shakily moved towards me.
"Where.. Where am I? Who are you?"

"Well, I know you're Phil Lester. I read you papers. You're in the after-life, or whatever you want to call it. I'm Dan, Dan Howell. I uh, jumped off this building a few years back."

"Oh."

I smiled at him.
He looked like a little lost puppy.

I grabbed his hand and started to pull him along.
"Let me show you 'round, yeah? Show you the ropes of this new world."

~

At the end of the day, Phil knew all the basics of the after life.
Like, how you could just wish for something and it would appear in front of you.
He spent a long time giggling as he got copious amounts of sweets to appear in front of him.
Phil's quite cute, to be honest.
He's nice.

"Dan?"

We were sitting on a far away building top.
I don't know why I didn't leave the hospital much, but now I don't really want to go back.

"Yeah?"

"How come there's not the knife through my head? And it's like I don't have schizophrenia anymore?"

With my free hand (the other was still in Phil's grasp), I tapped my chin and squinted my eyes.

"I dunno. Maybe it's like a repayment for having such a shit life. I'm pretty sure the women don't get periods anymore, so that's a thing."

"Oh."

"You say that a lot."

He just smiled and looked out below us.
There were workers and homeless people, a few new spirits popping up here and there.
We kind of just sat there, enjoying each other's presence.

I felt like we were going to be friends for a long time.

~

What even