Broken trust

chapter eight

'Amal, Amal, I am running late for work, can you please come out, I have a meeting with the board this morning.' Hameed called from the sitting room 'I'm sorry I will be ready in a bit'. I shouted back. Hameed insisted on taking me to see the doctor. 'How do I look?' I finally came out of the room standing in front of him like a baby doll. 'Amal I'm dropping you off at the hospital not some fashion show'. He held me by the shoulder and kissed my forehead, 'And you look stunning by the way.' He added as he headed towards his car and I followed him...blushing. 'but I don't feel sick anymore, can I just stay at home?' I absolutely hate hospitals by the way, what do they call it? Ahh..nosocomephobia.. 'no my love, you are not feeling too well, we need to see the doctor and get this over with.' Just then, we reached the car as he opened the door for me like a gentleman...part of the act I believe. He ducked my head a little as he practically shoved me into the passenger's seat.

At the hospital, the doctor ran some test on me and asked us to wait for the result. Seated at his office, I was lost in my thought as Hameed observed me.

'Alright spill'. He said and that brought me back from my thought. 'what?' I faked a smile. 'you have something on your mind and you've been hiding it for quite a while now, so spill''. 'ohh it's nothing, you should go to work, I will be fine''. 'okay, I'll see you at home, call me if you need me'. He kissed me and started for the door. 'will do'. I said as he rushed out.

Some minutes later, the doctor walked in and sat. ''I'm so sorry for the delay, I had to check some things. Will you some tea?'' He offered with a smile. 'No, thank you''. He opened the file he had with him when he came in and studied it for a while. 'alright, Amal congratulations!! You are six weeks pregnant'. At first Amal could not believe her ears, what she heard sounded more like a dream, a really bad one at that. How can she be pregnant? There must be a mistake somewhere; the doctor did take a while after the test. He must have switched the result with someone, maybe the real lady who was pregnant but not her. 'Ar....are you sure? She stuttered. The doctor stared at her and he can easily see the disappointment in her face. 'you are six weeks pregnant' he reassured. Amal was dumbfounded, she sat there staring at the file the doctor handed to her to clear her doubt about the result. This is just great! Impeccable timing I could say, this change just made everything more difficult. How can I be pregnant with a psychopath...I mean why is all this happening now, my world just took a drastic turn. I waited for this news for a whole 7 years and now I finally got it, but I am not happy not even a single finch of happiness. 'are you alright Mrs. Hameed? You look confused' the doctor's voice brought her back to reality. She stood up to leave. 'thank you' she murmured almost to herself as she walked out of the office.

Amal got home she removed her shoes and dropped her handbag, she threw herself on the sofa as some warm tears escaped her eyes. She remembered her life with Hameed when they were newlyweds, the trip to Germany, how he loved her and she shared the affection. It was a year after their marriage that she started worrying about her childlessness, even then Hameed was very supportive, he always assured her and said it was too early to start worrying. He made sure she didn't make a great deal about it. She prayed a lot for a miracle to happen. She remembered sometime last year. Hameed was at the sitting room working on his laptop when she walked in and sat close to him. She started to play with his hand and he stopped his work, he smiled at her giving her his full attention. 'what is the matter babe' he said softly as he drew her closer to him. She laid her head on his chest and started playing with his button. 'Hameed I want a child, its been five years since our marriage and you've never talked about kids. Don't you like children?' she said as she looked up to look at him when she said the last part. He kissed her forehead and went back to his work. He always snubbed her when she brought up a conversation he didn't like. She got tired of sitting and left. That was the last time she brought up the matter. And now, here she is sitting alone and think of what to do with the pregnancy. There was no way she was going to bring this child to this wolrd of deceit. She wasn't sure how Hameed will react to the news, she was certain he doesn't like kids due to the outcome of their conversation on the topic. Not to talk of her recent discovery.

She was positive Hameed will not like this baby, she placed her hand on her lower abdomen, she wanted to feel it, it was unbelievable that a life was growing in her. Amal felt the tears on her cheek as they found their way down. What was she going to do? This life is not a place to bring in a child, her life was not good enough, she herself wanted to get away, but she can't, at least not now. And how was she supposed to bring a life into her own personal hell?

Some hours past and Amal did nothing, she just sat there thinking and couldn't bring herself to a solution. She finally decided to let it be. She will think about it, but that was enough for today. She managed to leave the sofa and went straight to her room to take a bath. As the hot water from the shower hit her head, she felt as though all her worries were being washed away, all her problems are going down the drainage with the water and she heaved a sigh, she felt her lips parted into a curve and she couldn't believe she could smile in her situation, but just then it hit her...what doesn't kill us, just makes us stronger...and A smile escaped from her lips again as she ran her hand into her damb hair, she settled in the bath tub as she embrace the feeling of calmness and peace. I'm going to get through this. She said to herself, it sounded more like reassurance to her.