all of the stars [phan-completed]

3/7

[trigger warning; self-harm. sections including this topic will be marked with "//" at the beginning and end of the paragraph(s)]

i though it would get better with time, but four months have passed since you left me, and the pain is just as bad as it was before.

we were so in love, what happened?

you told me we would be together forever. but you said you couldn't do this anymore.

what does that even mean? "you couldn't do this anymore?"

bullshit.

you were afraid. i didn't mind that you were afraid; it's completely normal. but you couldn't look me in the eye after i asked you. we could've talked through it. we could've made it work. but you gave me no explanation, no answers, nothing.

you cleared all your stuff from our apartment, and i haven't seen you since.

i don't go in your room anymore; it reminds me of what could've been.

the memories hurt; they need to go away.

//i run into the bathroom, and grab the blades i hid in the medicine cabinet of my apartment. i still lock the doors, despite the fact i'm alone.

i take a deep breath before dragging the metal across my damaged skin. it hurts, it hurts so bad, but i deserve it. it's my fault you left. it's my fault you're no longer mine. it's my fault i'm alone.

i hate myself.

i hate my life.

the blood covered my arms and spilled onto the floor. i sunk to my knees and cried.

it's times like these where you would've helped me clean up the mess i made.//

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