all of the stars [phan-completed]

6/7

[trigger warning: suicide/character death. sections including these topics will be marked with "//" at the beginning and end of the paragraph(s). stay safe guys.]

dear phil,

i'm sorry. i'm so sorry. i've tried moving on. i've tried giving it time. i've tried finding someone else. i've tried seeing other people. but none of it is working.

i said i wouldn't. but you also said you would never leave me. guess we've both made promises we couldn't keep.

this- what would this be called? note, story, diary? whatever it is, it's for you, phil. i want you to read it and remember the good times we had together, not the bad. i want you to remember the date nights and bad puns. the movies and cuddles. the kisses and video games. the good memories and nothing else.

don't remember me for my death, remember me for the good times we had together.

i'm sorry i wasn't strong. i'm sorry i couldn't say i made it. i'm sorry you have to see me like this, but i don't know what else to do. i tried calling you, but you must've changed your number.

today was a good day, that's why its my last. i don't want to end my life suffering. i want to end it with a smile on my face.

i watched our old videos together, god, we were so young. no wonder everybody wanted us to be together; have you seen the way we looked at each other? so full of love.

do me a favor; tell the internet what happened to me. don't leave anything out.

one last thing; thank you. thank you for saving my life back in 2009. thank you for being there for me when nobody else was. thank you for never giving up on me. thank you for stopping my tears. thank you for falling in love with me. thank you for everything you've ever done. thank you for being my best friend for all those years.

when you look to the stars, i hope you know i'm up there watching. i hope you know i'm always here for you. i hope you know i forgive you for all the heartbreak.

goodbye phil. i'm sorry we couldn't be together forever, but forever is too short anyways.

love, dan

dan howell folded the note and left it on his bedside table. his eyes were filled with tears and they wouldn't stop flowing.

he loved him so much.

so much.

but everything must come to an end. this just happens to be dan's unhappy ending.

//with a handful of pill in his hand, he took one final breath before swallowing them. he closed his eyes, allowing a stray tear to run down his cheek. he lied down on his bed and closed his eyes, hoping they would never open again.

"i'm sorry phil. i hope you know how much i love you."

dan took in one last breath. he never exhaled. he remained motionless, the sound of the radiator filling the room.

dan howell was dead.

and on the other side of the city, phil could feel his heart break, not knowing why.

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