Skinny love // J.P.

Chapter 15

Leah's POV

I ran to my hospital room after the emotional session was over.

How could I just figure this out? How could I be so oblivious?

Of course I have trust issues....why wouldn't I? I can't blame myself for this...it's all my dads fault.

I hear a knock on the door and see Joel come in. I smile at him but he sees right through me.

"Leah, what's wrong?" He said rushing to my side, grabbing my hand.

I quickly explain to him everything that happened at my session and his facial expression drops.

"I'm so sorry..." He says looking down.

"Why?"

"When I went and started hanging around with that other slut it probably made your trust issues so much worse. I'm so sorry for what I did leah..."

"Why would you be sorry? It's not like we're dating or anything....you're allowed to do whatever you want" I said reluctantly. It really hurt to say we weren't dating. Even though we probably never will, it hurt because how much I wanted to date him. He looked taken aback by my blunt words.

"Yeah I know...I just left you for her when I should've been your best friend when you needed one. I'm sorry Leah...so sorry" he said putting his head in his hands.

"Joel stop, you shouldn't be sorry. You're my best friend, I need you right now. That's the past. I need you most now. Come here..." I motioned him to sit on my bed with me and he did. I laid my head on his should and I held his hand.

I wish he knew how much I loved and needed him.

•••••

Almost every day was the same. The only difference was on some days I would go to therapy.

Nothing ever changed, Joel visited everyday. My mom visited every Tuesday and Thursday. Kyla and jacqueline visited every Wednesday and Friday. Everything just got so boring. I've watched the same episode of Tom and Jerry at least 20 times.

I just wanted out of here. I wanted to sleep in my own bed, with rascal cuddled up next to me. I wanted to be able to look out my bedroom and see Joel. I wanted to go back to my normal life. I'll go insane if I have to stay another week in here.

Luckily, therapy has been going great and they predict I'll be able to get out of here by Tuesday.

Today is Friday. Today is my last therapy session. Hopefully ever.

"Hello ms. Taylor. How have you been?" My therapist smiles at me. Like usual.

"Good, excited to leave tomorrow" I answer,
smiling back."

"So shall we start today with your social life?"

•••••

The session was about to end in 10 minutes. As he wrote things down in his journal I anxiously watched the clock tick.

"Okay, as our session ends. Our very last session, I have one more important question for you. One that I've been holding back surprisingly. You must answer honestly and your answer should be quite long." He said putting down his notebook.

"Uh, o-ok" I answered nervously. What could he possibly ask me?

"Why did you commit suicide?" He asks bluntly. I guess he never really did ask me this...we always just talked about everything that happened physically. I don't think I'm ready to answer this. He asked me what made me feel like I had to physically. Which was the rumor and all of that. But did I ever answer why I did emotionally?

"I believe I've answered this previously..." I said trying to get out of the question.

"I believe you haven't..."

"Well...because no one needed me." I said, half lying. It was true but it was the simple answer everyone said.

"Leah...I said be honest"

"Okay...fine whatever. I did it because I felt like I ruined everything. I felt like I ruin everything. I felt like no one would care if a some poor little popular girl died because of some rumor. Everyone would be like 'awe how sad..' Then forget about me the next day. That's what I fucking wanted. I wanted to disappear. I wanted no one to have to worry about my feelings. Especially Joel. I wanted him to go and find some beautiful girl and forget about me. I didn't want to be the center of attention. Might seem like it. But I didn't. I can swear on my fucking life with that one. Why is it so hard for a girl to disappear huh? Without anyone paying attention to her. Why? Does it take a few tries? Does it involve killing yourself slowly? Does it involve making your physical body disappear where no one can find it? Does it? Tell me please because I want to fucking know already" I yell out of frustration and fall back into the couch I was sitting on.

"Leah...." The doctor says stunned.

"What?" I spit.

"You may have to stay a little longer at the hospital after that" he says and writes things down on his notebook. Fuck...no no no no I want to fücking leave.

"Please don't make me. I promise I'm sane and stable. Please I need to go home with my friends and family. Please...I-I'm begging you...." I say lightly sobbing.

"I'm sorry Leah..but we just want you to be safe."

"I'll be safe at home I promise. Just let me get back to my n-normal life....please"

"We'll think about it. You have a slim chance." He says and walked out.

I sit there on the couch with my head in my hands. I want to scream. I hate myself so much.

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Late updates for the win

-XoLeah