The Mental Hospital

One

I wake up to a beeping of a machine. I sit up way too fast, then groan in pain. And regret.

This proves you can't succeed at anything. You even failed at killing yourself. Fuck your parents. You should've slit your throat.

I look around the room. I've been here before. The first time, my parents and the nurses let me off with a warning and three days of them monitoring me. They're gonna send me away. I press the nurses button.

Five minutes later, a nurse walks in. She is wearing Halloween themed scrubs, even though it was December. "Hi, Helen." I say, not even recognizing my own voice over the grogginess and hoarseness in it. I cough.

Helen gives me a look as if to say, 'You're in trouble, missy.'

"What happened this time, Forest?" She says as she checks my charts and did nursey-things. I shrug. "Forest. Sweetie. I don't know how to sugarcoat this." I know what she was about to say. I rub the sleep out of my eyes. I kind of feel like I've been knocked out. "Mental facility. I'm aware." She smiles at me sadly. "Just keep your head up, honey. I checked out where they're sending you. It's a really nice place with kids your age."

I nodded as if to say, 'Whatever. Okay.'

  I really don't care anymore. As soon as I get out, I would kill myself. I am too depressed to be look on the bright side. I am too mad to be reasonable.  I am too fed up to give life another chance. I want to be happy. But I can't. Not unless I could be free. Free of this world, free of pain. Free of suffering, free of sadness and anxiety and depression. Free of being overwhelmed. Free of feelings.

  "You can go to the bathroom to freshen up and such, I'll get your parents." Helen says. And so I do. I take my time to think over things.  When I go back to the room, my  parents are there. They both are wearing different expressions. My mom looks furious. My step dad looks concerned.

"I can't believe you!" Mom shouts. She shoots up from her chair like a bullet from a six-shooter gun. Her anger quickly turns into relief, I think. "I'm just glad you're okay. You can't scare me like that again okay?" She hugs me. When she pulls away, I looked at her. She had the same green eyes as me. Same brown hair. Same pale complexion.

"Why aren't you saying anything to me?" Mom's eyes search mine for an answer. I shrug. "I love you, Forest. But you're scaring me."

   Mom's eyes fill with tears, but she quickly blinks them away. She kind of went a little crazy after she left my dad. She went crazy. I went sad. She handled her problems with liquor and ODC, I handled mine with a blade and music.

"I'm sorry." I lie. "It won't happen again." Another lie. "I'm sorry, too." Her voice breaks. "We have to send you to a mental health place."

This is where my life gets even shittier.