The Mental Hospital

Nine

Two days pass. It's about one in the morning. Jake and I are up, talking. "Alex and Taylor hook up regularly now. It's the only thing Alex can do to get his mind off of things." Jake says. "What do they use as lube?" I ask. He snickers. "No, they just give each other hand/blow jobs. The nurses are too nosy, so they're just meaningless quickies."

I frown. I think sex is not something to be taken lightly. It shouldn't be just thrown around. Jake looks at me. "You're a virgin, aren't you?" He chuckles. "Well, I'm a depressed, anti-social teen. Sex is the last thing on mind," I retort. He raises his hands in defense. "I didn't say that to be cocky. I'm a virgin, too." He stands up and walks to the bathroom with his hairbrush. I follow him.

I sit on the shower floor as he plays with his hair. He's teasing it, brushing it, combing it, and styling it, but he's never happy with the outcome. "So, tell me your story, Forest." He says while taming his blue tornado. "I already told you. I've self harmed since--" He raises a finger to me. "I mean, like, why do you hate the world so much? Why do you want to die?" He says, going back to his hair. I shrug.

I thought for a moment before speaking. "It's like I have karma, but I never did anything wrong. Every time I get even a sliver off happiness, it's gone in an instant. It's not like I don't want to be happy, you know? I do. I want to be happy. But there's always something to be upset about. I mean, I get bullied and beat up at school, I can't maintain a friendship, I'm bad at everything, my dad left my mom and now she's got several screws loose, I-I-Its like I just don't know how to be happy anymore, y'know? I don't know how to explain it, and it's so depressing. Life's depressing." I breathe deeply. "Have you even tried to consider the positives?" Jake says. "You still have your mom. You're still alive. You're healthy and pretty and smart--have you even considered that?" I nod. "I always try to think on the bright side. But, you don't get it. There is no bright side for me! The negatives always weigh out the positives." Jake sighs. "That's why you have to cherish those positives. Drown out the negatives. Think about it. You have your mom. That's a positive. If you didn't have your mom, you'd probably be with your dad or in an orphanage. Aren't you grateful for that? That's something to be happy about, isn't it?" Jake is searching my eyes desperately. I nod and stare at the ground. He sighs and picks me up bridal style. "What are you doing?" I ask, hoping to God he won't drop me. He places me on my bed. "You should get some sleep. It's late. I'll see you in the morning."